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Автор:  Anastasia

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I. Lindsay

I closed my eyes, unable to breath. It couldn’t be real; it had to be a nightmare. Then opened them again and felt a stab of pain in my heart. The room was dark, ill – lit by the faint moonlight. I was again home, in US, in the familiar surroundings but nothing was the same. Connor was dead. I will never see him again. Never. I hated this word; I hated everything that was final. None of us was immortal, I knew it but I would have never thought that it also referred to Connor, that he would die. To me he always seemed untouched by life as well as by death. He was invincible. But like all humans I was wrong. Now Connor was dead.

I turned to my side and switched on the light. It was three o’clock in the morning just as I thought it would be. I simply couldn’t sleep. I got up and went to the bathroom. In the mirror I caught a glimpse of a woman I didn’t seem to know. The same reddish hair as mine, the same face but different eyes. Even the color was different from gray, almost black, darkened by grief. Before I could stop myself, a sigh escaped my lips, almost a sob: "Connor, where are you?"

No answer, only silence. How could three be anyone if he was gone? I walked back into the bedroom and dialed Connor’s number, still hoping. All I wished was to hear his voice, to ask him how he was doing. Someone picked up: "Yeah?"

A sleepy voice, voice I didn’t know. "Could I talk to professor Doyle?" I asked, knowing it was foolish, hot tears already filling my eyes. "Sorry, it’s the wrong number, lady, take care." Tears ran down my cheeks. That was the problem: it was the right number. But Connor was not there. I wished I were dead. I wished it had been me on that damned plant. I wished it were Connor, not me who had to suffer from that feeling of guilt. No, it was unfair to think like this. I didn’t want Connor to suffer. My only wish by the explosion was that he died immediately, without suffering, free from all the torturing pain. I knew that Connor had problems and I was sure that Elsinger had his fingers in the case. I hated him. I always knew he was dangerous but I’d have never thought Elsinger could kill someone so cold – bloodedly. Not him. Not my Connor. "You’ve got a nervous breakdown," Anton said as I accused Peter of leaving Connor alone. He may be right. He was indeed. I knew hating someone wouldn’t bring back Connor but I just couldn’t help it. It was only human and who was I? Just a weak hysterical female, that is what the most in the O.S.I.R. considered me to be. Not our team, of course. But I could see none of them. I was sick of them staring after me with compassion, whispering, "Poor Lindsay, she misses him badly" behind my back. My God, Connor, come back to me!

It was almost dawn and still I sat, staring into the darkness. I didn’t care about the time. About nothing. I thought about the lost chances. It wasn’t until we came to Russia that it dawned on me: I loved Connor. I’ve loved him from the first day we met. He was my mentor, my older brother, and my comrade –in – arms whom I trusted wholeheartedly. Through all the years he became my second self. Now he was dead.

I must have been day – dreaming (I should rather say dawn – dreaming) cause I startled, hearing telephone ringing. I let it ringing and waited for the voice mail to start recording. Then I heard Pete’s voice: "Lin, I know you’re home, thinking how it could be if He were still alive. Stop it; come on, Lin, I also miss him and if you wish, it’s me who is to blame for his death but stop behaving the way you do. For my sake, Lin, for your own sake. Pick up!" I didn’t move, remaining where I was. Peter. My best friend, a man with whom we shared so much. Now there was Connor’s death standing between us. It was like a silent war was on. My fault, of course: I considered Pete guilty of Connor’s death, desperately looking for a scapegoat. I shouldn’t do it, I knew and still I couldn’t help it. Peter had to fight his own fears and feelings of guilt while I was inventing a reason for torturing him. It was selfish and stupid but only too human. "Lin, please pick up," Peter continued. After a while he added: "Ok, I understand. See you at work then." I sat and listened to the silence. Everything was so awfully wrong! Suddenly telephone shrilled once more. I thought it was Peter and so reached up for the receiver.

"Lindsay? Is that you?" my heart skipped a beat. It was a voice I knew as good as my own. It was his voice. "Connor?" my lips were uncontrollably shaking. It couldn’t be true, it was just a delusion. "Yes, it’s me. Look, Lindsay, you must help me. I’m short of time. I’ll call you later." I simply sat there, receiver still in the hand. My mind was racing, my common sense shrilled in alarm but my heart was overfilled with joy. He was alive. Connor was still alive. The ancient clock on the wall stroke half past six. It was time to get ready for the work. Another sleepless night was behind me.

I took a shower and started to get dressed, wide – awake and troubled. As I got out of my house, it was already day. A bright clear winter day was dawning and I could smell snow in the pure air. I shuddered: I was reminded of Russia and the exploding plant. Then I quickly collected myself: Connor needed my help and I couldn’t let him down. Not this time.

I got into my car and turned on the ignition. I didn’t look back at my house and didn’t hear telephone ringing in the empty room. I wish I had.

As I came to a standstill in front of the O.S.I.R. – building, I saw that the parking lot was almost empty. It wasn’t surprising though; it was too early for the scientists to appear. Entering the hall, I immediately saw Elsinger. My anger took over me and I hurried into the opposite direction only not to yell at him. But it was too late: Elsinger saw me.

"Lindsay, could I talk to you?" he asked in his usual oily way. How I hated him!

"Sure," I made my way back and together we went to Elsinger’s office. "It’s about Matt," Elsinger started as he closed the door. "You don’t give him a chance he deserves, Lindsay."

"I don’t give a damn about it. You should have known I would react that way before you killed Connor," I answered coldly. He looked at me with his watery blue eyes, saying nothing. I could almost hear how his mind was racing, looking for a possibility to find out how much I knew. I was in no mood to give him that pleasure. After a while he finally asked: "Do you accuse me of killing Doyle?"

"Think whatever you like," I turned to go. "You make a big mistake," he warned in a low voice.

"You’re playing with fire."

"Just like Connor did?" there was scorn in my voice and I did nothing to hide it. "You robbed me of an only man I loved and I doubt you can hurt me more than you did." I exited the room without looking at Elsinger. I shouldn’t have done it.

As I came to the office, there was Peter sitting at the conference table. "Hi," I came in and sat down near to Pete. "I’m sorry I didn’t pick up." He raised his head and I was overcome with tenderness. Poor Pete, he suffered a great deal. "It’s all right," he said, taking my hand. We sat silent for a few moments. "I’ve got a call just after you phoned, it was Connor," it was me to break the silence. Pete’s tired eyes didn’t give anything away: "You must be kidding." I could see his disbelief and suddenly understood he wasn’t going to believe me. "No, he asked for help." "Who?" a voice asked, making both of us startle. I turned around and saw Praeger, our new Case Manager. Earlier this week he simply walked in and announced he was the new boss. We all were stunned: Pete hoped he’d be the next Case Manager and to be honest that is what all of us thought. But it was different and it was a hard blow to Peter. As Praeger shook my hand, he looked in my eyes, grinning: "Well, cutie, we’re going to be good friends, I hope." All I said was a polite "how do you do". Thinking back I understood that Praeger was a typical anti – Connor image: he was usually dressed in leather coats, jeans and mostly wearing a funny looking hat. No trace of serious blue – gray eyes, attentively watching each of us: Mathew (that was Praeger’s name) always had a mocking look in his eyes, chewing a gum and grinning. He was the same this morning.

"None of your business," Peter answered. He didn’t like Praeger from the first day they worked together. I guess it was rivalry but it could of course something else I couldn’t see. "About an old friend of mine," I hurriedly added, hoping Mat won’t start a fight. He only shrugged but his grin disappeared. Peter again turned to me: "I’ve been patiently listening to all your stories, Lindsay. I know you miss Connor but you can’t bring him back, inventing something." I stared at him in aghast: "You mean you think I’m just lying to you. You think I’m just laughing at you?" "No," his answer was short. "I just think it’s time for you to return to Earth and stop playing games with your imagination." A harsh answer was on the bit of my tongue but then I saw Praeger, who observed our talk with an interest and I could see a grin on his face. "I guess we’ve got to discuss more important matters," I said, throwing my glance at the watch. "Lindsay," Praeger looked at me in a quizzical way, " do you know Elsinger well?" I merely stared at him for a while, wondering why on Earth he could ask me something like this. I didn’t mention Anton entering the room and that both he and Peter stopped frozen to listen to my answer.

"Well, after all he’s my boss and I think I have to know him," I shrugged. "But if you mean friendship or something like this then you’re wrong." "Then what were you doing in his apartment tonight?" continued Mat. "Where?" I could hardly believe my ears.

"In his apartment. Oh, come on, Lindsay, I’m just curious."

"Lindsay, what does it mean?" Peter intently watched me and I knew what he was thinking.

"I don’t know," I replied being honest. Nothing on Earth could make me visit Elsinger at such an hour. But it was only the first blow.

Praeger continued: "And how do you explain calling me last night and asking me to come over and to take you from Elsinger. I didn’t think you’d ever do such a thing." My jaw dropped. I never thought I was crazy but how could I do all these things without even knowing it?

"I am at a loss," I stammered, "I can’t remember doing something like this." Peter and Anton exchanged glances and I knew what they meant: firstly I was insane; secondly I was a traitor, dealing with Elsinger.

"I’m really sorry to say that but you’re suspended from the work," Praeger’s eyes were cold. I was numb; I just stood staring at Matt. He avoided my glance, just like the other members did. "Well," I didn’t recognize my own voice, "then I go, I suppose. See you guys." I collected my bag and left the room. It was a nightmare, it had to be one. Acting on an impulse I went to Elsinger’s HQ. Knocking at the door I heard "come in" and entered the office. Frank was sitting at his table, writing something. I guess I caught him unawares cause he told me without raising his head: "Rollins, you can sit down." I quietly lowered to the next standing chair. "How’s the case going on? Found something new about that Russian plant?"

My heart dropped. Curtis was investigating our case, Connor’s case! I had to warn him! As silence progressed, Elsinger finally looked up from his papers and grew pale: "Lindsay, what on Earth are you doing here?" I was genuinely pleased to him for an instant without the usual disguise he was wearing.

"And what do you expect me to do? To quit O.S.I.R.? Why do you ruin my relationship with the team?"

"You’re clever enough to find out for yourself," there was a mocking smile on Elsinger’s lips.

At that moment Curtis entered the room. Our eyes met. I liked this quiet serious man with shining black eyes. To me he seemed all – knowing, almost omniscient but perhaps I was wrong again.

"Lindsay, how are you doing?" he eyed me with surprise but there was warmth in his glance.

"I do all right but you should be cautious," I stood up, "I think that Connor’s death was pretty enough for the O.S.I.R.," I was sure that both Curtis and Elsinger saw a hint in my words but none of them showed it. "Good bye, gentlemen," I went out and closed the door. Escaping into the bright day I paused, not sure what to do next. Ten my cellular phone rang. I took it out and immediately recognized Connor’s voice: "Lindsay, we’ll meet at the airport in two hours." I felt ill at ease. My mind was sending mild alarm signals: I was sure I had already heard Connor saying this. But then my heart took over me. How could I ignore Connor’s call? Airport sounded strange all right but it was a right place to meet for someone who didn’t want to show up. I headed y car and son was driving home, to collect some papers I had to show Connor.

In two hours I was standing at the entrance of the airport but there was still no trace of Connor. And then everything happened too quickly: I saw a car with darkened windows and instinctively bent down. It was just the right time to do so – a bullet hit the glass doors behind me. In the same moment I rushed into the building, my heart beating wild against the rib – cage. Flashing a look back I saw two agents dressed in black running after me. "Damned fool," I cursed knowing very well who was after me. It was a trap; it has been a trap from the beginning. The whole Connor – Doyle – resurrection story was a lie used just to get rid of me. How could I be that foolish? I should never trusted Elsinger, Connor’s example standing in front of my eyes. And it was I warning Curtis! Well that was the price to pay for being a dummy.

As I continued running, I looked around me: there was no way out of the hall. The agents stopped and took out the gun. Moving like a lightning, I rushed over to the long queue of people, boarding the plane. I slid in and saw a stewardess smiling at me: "Your ticket, Ma’am." I blushed: there was really no escape. I looked back and saw my pursuers talking furiously to the guard. It was over now. The guard was walking towards me. In that moment a man standing next to me handed the stewardess two tickets: "Voila." And pointing at me added: "Ma petite femme." I forced a smile: "Oui, vous йtйs trиs gentille." My French has never been especially good but obviously that of the stewardess even worse because she smiled and let us enter the plane. I threw a look over my shoulder and there they were, my pursuers, really at a loss, not knowing what to do. I almost fainted from relief. As we sat down, I looked more closely at my savior. He had a faintly familiar face and it wasn’t for some minutes later that I realized that he looked like Connor in many ways. The same raven curly hair, blue eyes looking a great deal like Connor’s. But he wasn’t Doyle and this time I was sure. He noticed my attentive look and smiled. I said: "Thank you for saving my life." I tried my best to remember the French I used to learn at Oxford.

"Oh, it’s not common for me to have a chance to save a beautiful woman, it’s really nothing, but you’re lucky I’ve got another ticket. Gerard d’Abbeau," he stretched out his hand.

"Lindsay Donner," my hands were still shaking though I already started to calm down.

"What’s wrong? Have you committed a crime?" Gerard asked.

"Not that I knew," I sighed and pausing to choose the right French word I continued: "I’m working, well I’d rather say I’ve been working cause I’ve been certainly fired by now, for a scientific organization. I had a great boss, dear and caring as he was. So one day we went to investigate a case of very dangerous parasite species. It was the last case for my boss, he was contaminated and died. As I returned I found evidence that proved that there was a complot against him, that he knew he was going to die cause he was betrayed. And I didn’t know it; I had no idea how dangerous it was. Until now and that is why I’ve been chased," I realized my voice was shaking.

"Oh, I am sorry I shouldn’t have asked," Gerard sounded genuinely sympathetically.

"It’s ok, I just felt obliged to tell you the reason for my escape," already talking to Gerard, I began to feel sleepy. I was exhausted after a sleepless night and my wild chase. I guess Gerard understood cause before I even said something else, I was fast asleep.

The plane is landing, we get out. "Connor, everything all right?" I ask because Doyle seems to be upset to me: upset and absent – minded. We’re on the plant. "Lindsay, I’m giving you an order. Leave now!" I linger, looking into his face, into his dear blue – gray eyes. "Leave!" it sounds harsh but I know that Connor doesn’t want to let me go.

I’m outside the plant waiting for Peter and Connor to come out. Peter rushes out, running and the plant explodes behind his back. "Peter, where is he? Where’s Connor?"

"Lindsay," someone’s strong hands were shaking me, "Lindsay wake up!" It took a great effort to open my eyes. I saw Gerard’s worried face: "Are you all right?" There was also a stewardess towering over me. "It’s ok, thank you," my throat was dry and I could feel my cheeks were wet. I must have been crying. "Connor, please let me go!" I begged in my heart. But I know it wasn’t Connor who couldn’t let go, it was I.

The stewardess put a glass of water on the little table in front of me and I reached for it, slowly sipping water and finally getting back to the reality. I didn’t notice we were already over Europe and ready to land in half an hour. Gerard has been watching me all the time since I woke up and there was concern in his dark eyes. "You know where we’re flying?"

I smiled weakly: "I’ve got no idea." "Not that it should bother you," I added hastily, seeing his reaction.

Gerard fell silent for a while, then spoke: "We’re going to Rome and that is where I’m going to meet some Americans. It’s business, considering wine. I’m going to travel with them round Europe. Would you like to stay with me as an interpreter?" I didn’t know what to say, I was stunned. "Not that I want something from you," Gerard hurried on, thinking I was abused. "It’s just that you could need some peaceful atmosphere for a while."

"No, you misunderstood my silence; I was too surprised to answer anything. It’s too good to be true, besides I am not sure about my abilities to translate into French," I was so excited that I completely forgot about my problems with French and spoke rather rapidly.

I think Gerard noticed it because he smiled: "It’s all right, I don’t mind your translation, finally I can understand some English. Do stay you’ll stay with me!" his eyes were pleading. I considered the situation: I had nowhere to go, I couldn’t yet return to US, not with Elsinger on my heels. I had no relatives or friends in Europe, perhaps some old buddies from Oxford but I haven’t seen them for a long time. There was really little comfort to know I was all alone in the big Rome but everything was different with Gerard by my side. "I’ll be your interpreter," I said, "thank you very much for the proposal." His eyes lit up, delight written on his face. I felt a twinge: he looked so much like Connor at that moment, my heart fell. "Thank you, Lindsay, you can’t imagine how I appreciate you’ll be with me," and as I returned his hug, my heart was bleeding: I wished so much it were Connor.

The plane landed and we got out. I was waiting outside in the clear winter day while Gerard waited for his luggage. I had nothing: only a handbag and the clothes I had on. While leaning to the wall, I was watching the people crowds. There it was, the happiness I longed for: a woman hugging a man, who just came out of the building, a little child laughing and chatting, a couple of students walking down the street. Even those who were parting seemed to care for each other. I thought back at the time I was a careless student, at my first years at the O.S.I.R. I never feared anything, nor did I feel ill at ease: there has always been Connor by my side and I somehow knew his unseen angel was guarding me. Now it was over. Only sadness was left. I blinked, to get rid of the unshed tears in my eyes. I wished it were only hard wind that made them tear.

"American?" a voice asked. I turned my head and faced a handsome fair – haired man who was standing next to me. "Who are you?" I returned his question. "Harold Smith, from the wine company," he smiled and stretched out his hand. This European way of greeting was not new to me but still I lingered to shake his hand. I was relieved to see Gerard emerging from the hall, a porter behind him carrying the bags. "Hi, guys," he cheerfully greeted Harold and the other tall man, standing a bit aside. Then he turned to me: "That is Lindsay Donner, my interpreter. Isn’t she a treasure, not trusting the first man she sees?" They all laughed and I felt their eyes upon me.

"Welcome to Rome, Ms. Donner, I hope you’ll like it here," Harold smiled to me.

"Thank you, I’m sure I’ll will," I followed the men to the car, waiting for us. The car drove through the narrow streets, heading the suburbs.

"I thought it would be better to live outside of Rome, it’s not that noisy," Gerard told me as we drove on. I only smiled; I was in no mood of talking.

"Which state are you from?" Harold asked, turning to look at me from his front seat, "I’ve never seen such beautiful women." I lowered my eyes. It was usually like this and I was used to such remarks. Every man working with me was usually ironical, everyone except Connor who’s been treating me just like a colleague from the beginning. Nevertheless I didn’t mind, I couldn’t help being what I was and I wasn’t going to do anything to change my appearance.

"I don’t stay in the same state for a long time," I said in my usual voice but I wasn’t going to be especially nice to him any more. "My work doesn’t let me settle."

"We’re matching each other perfectly, I also travel a lot," Harold smiled again and this time it was an indecent smile.

"I don’t have something against it but I think my friend does, he would surely mind if you traveled with us," it was a lie but I saw with triumph that Harold blushed. Gerard and our second companion, who was called Edward Wells, watched us: Gerard obviously amused and Edward rather confused. My lie did help though, no stupid questions followed during the way to the hotel. As Harold drew to a halt, we all got out.

"I won’t mind if you let me know about the key to your suit," Harold said.

"And I won’t mind if you want to clean up there while I’ll be away talking with Edward," I retorted, taking Gerard’s arm. "I’m finally an interpreter and I’ll have a lot to do. Thank you gentlemen for the escort," with these words I smiled and headed the stairs.

Gerard looked back, waved to the Americans and then turned to me: "Sorry, I didn’t know Harold was such a womanizer. He must be a real problem for you."

I shrugged: "Harold’s not the first womanizer I met and the most I’ve been working with treated me at first this way. Believe me, I’ll be able to cope with him."

Gerard smiled: "I’m sure you will, you’re such a determined woman." We parted at the door of my suit.

Gerard took my hand: "Well, we’ll part, I’m sure you’ve got a jet lag and long for some hours of sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow then, at eight if it suits you."

I smiled: "Of course it does, till tomorrow then."

I was a bit sorry to part with Gerard, being with him meant forgetting my sorrow for a while but on the other side I needed time for myself to go over the facts and to decide what I was going to do next.

I "unpacked" and thought that tomorrow after the meeting with Gerard and these Americans, I should do some shopping. I was sure it wouldn’t be a problem because I had my credit cards with me and therefore all the money I needed. On the other side it was dangerous to use them, Elsinger could easily track me out and I knew his intentions only too well. I had to talk to Gerard; he might be able to talk me. As I took my bath, I lay thinking about future lying in front of me. I couldn’t return to US and even if I did it, I couldn’t let Elsinger know, I was sure he was going to kill me. Oh, how foolish I was to warn Rollins! It was me who needed a baby – sitter and who had to be cautious! If I only knew that the Connor – Doyle – call was a trap, I would have been wiser and I wouldn’t have told so much to Frank. For a short moment I toyed with the idea of going back to Archangelsk, where I lost Connor. I couldn’t explain why I wanted to visit that place after all the pain and the tears but it was like a magnet to me. Perhaps it was a foolish belief that Connor could still be alive. I almost laughed at this thought though I was on the verge to tears. It was impossible Connor still lived, I saw the plant blowing up in front of my eyes. "Lindsay, I’m giving you an order. Leave now!" these words still echoed in my mind. He couldn’t have done it better, I thought. No matter how deep my pain was, I was still grateful to Doyle he did his best to defend the team. No one really suffered – except him. This is what Connor always wanted. I wished I died with him but it was a stupid wish, even if I died in Russia, it wouldn’t change anything. Another useless self – sacrifice performed to steady Elsinger’s plans. I let out a deep sigh. I still had no idea what I was going to do. Of course there were some friends in England, "old buddies" from Oxford but I haven’t been in touch with them for ages and I couldn’t go on traveling forever – I had to find a job or something like this. By the moment I was pretty sure Elsinger fired me – or spent his time preparing his speech he’d held at my burial. Just like the one he held, as Connor didn’t return from Archangelsk.

Another uneasy thought was Peter. We’ve been good friends during the last years and I was sure he was sick with worry as I didn’t return to O.S.I.R. and he couldn’t reach me at home. Poor Pete, he had already lost one of his dear friends and now it was I, escaping, uncertain about tomorrow. I could call him of course but I was afraid that he could be bugged and that meant a danger for him and for me. I laughed out loud: now I was getting paranoid, I made a lot of fuss out of nothing but I couldn’t help it now. I wasn’t even sure of Gerard, he seemed a bit suspicious to me but I didn’t have anyone else to help me and besides I was grateful to Gerard for his concern, which seemed genuine to me. Only few months ago I could have said I knew people, I could judge them by their deeds and by their ways; I could guess their thoughts. But now I knew that I was wrong, I didn’t even know what was going on inside of me, how could I guess what was someone else after?

The water grew cold while I was thinking and I started to feel cold. Besides my tiredness took over me and I was both relieved and happy as I fell into a deep, heavy sleep.

The shrilling phone woke me up. Without even opening my eyes, I reached for the phone, which should be standing on my bed table. As my hand found nothing and the sound didn’t cease, I opened my eyes and lay still for a minute, surprised to be in a strange room. And only as I saw the bright moonlight coming from the window I remembered everything that happened yesterday. I quickly got out of my bed and went in search of my handbag. Finally I found the cellular phone, wondering who on Earth would call at three o’clock in the morning: "Donner."

"Lin, I’m so glad to hear your voice," it was Peter.

"Where are you calling from?" I immediately asked, interrupting him. "From the lab, I…"

"Please call me from a phone cell," I pressed the "off" button before he could continue. I knew Axon very well and I was sure he’d be calling me in a minute, cursing but doing exactly what he has been told to do. I was right actually because in three minutes my phone started Beethoven all over again. I wondered if I should change the tone while I grasped the phone.

"Lindsay, what’s on? Do you know how the dear Mr. Praeger looked at me as I exited the mobile lab?" Peter sounded infuriated but I knew he was cross because he sensed something was wrong.

"Pete, I’m really sorry but I had to do it for your own sake," in few sentences I told my friend about my escape to Rome and about what I thought Elsinger planned.

"Oh, my God," that was all Peter could manage.

"Yeah, looks rather gloomy. Listen, Pete, I don’t want you to worry, I can stand it, I honestly can and you should be cautious, you’ll be Elsinger’s scapegoat as soon as he finds out I fled abroad. Please promise me you won’t act like a hero!" perhaps there was something in my voice that made Peter listen.

"Ok, I’ll try to be an obedient student," he laughed but his laughter was sad. "I’ll see you again, won’t I?" there was now concern in his voice he tried to hide.

"Yes, I’ll make sure it happens," I hoped he believed me because even I wasn’t sure about the next day myself. I didn’t go to bed after my talk with Peter. It made no use cause I couldn’t fell asleep. I wasn’t tired after a long sleep and the only thing I wish was the dawn to break and for this endless night to stop. It would be the sixteenth of December tomorrow, not even a month passed since Connor’s death so I guessed my grief was only natural. Or so would Anton say. I parted with the team only yesterday and still I already missed them. They were the only family I had. Since I went away from my parents as I considered myself guilty of my dad’s failure, I wished to belong. It has been my greatest wish since I was born. I always wanted to be a part of a big family, to have brothers and sisters but I was an only child and as all children of geniuses I was mostly lonely. As I grew older my only wish was to be swept off my feet by a perfect man to whom I could belong, with whom I could ground a family. This perfect man was Connor.

I didn’t know how long I spent sitting like this, my face buried in my hands, shadows of past dancing across the room. It must have been a long time cause as I looked up; I saw that the sky began to grow pink. I looked at the watch at the table: it was seven o’clock. Just the right time to stand up and to start getting ready for my meeting with Gerard. I went to take a shower but as soon as I was ready, I heard a knocking at my door. I wondered who it could be but the knocking didn’t cease. I quickly put on one of the bathrobes hanging in the bathroom and hurried along the room to open the door. As soon as I opened it I understood it was a mistake for I found myself looking into Harold’s face. He was laughing and there was a big bunch of roses in his hand. "Good morning, Lindsay, you look simply charming like this, I hope I didn’t wake you up," his smile became brighter as he saw I was at a loss for words. But then it wasn’t so easy to confuse me.

"Thank you very much for the beautiful flowers, I am sure that is why you didn’t give them at the reception, they are far too precious. Thank you," I took the flowers and closed the door in front of him. It all happened quickly but still I noticed his was dumbfounded. I smiled to myself as I was drying my hair and getting dressed. Harold was a clever man but he wasn’t clever enough to beat me. I sighed as I remembered all the tears I cried as men hurt me. I studied my attraction in the mirror: was I really beautiful? Reddish hair shot with blond and dark streaks, depending on the season, big gray eyes. "Soft" that is how everyone called them, "bursting with hidden laughter." Not any more, I thought bitterly, not any more. The sadness darkened them, all the lights died. Connor what have you done? I felt as if I were dead.

Finally I found strength to put an end to the musings and exited the room, taking my bag with me. As I went down the stairs to the restaurant, I already saw Gerard standing up to meet me. His face lit up and for a moment I thought what it would be like to stay with him forever, to forget my pain and live happily ever after.

Gerard was already at the foot of the stairs, he smiled and took my hand: "I’m very glad to see you, did you sleep well?"

I was in no mood of telling him about Pete’s call, it was my private matter: "Certainly, I like this place. But don’t you think Mr. Smith is a bit too nosy?" Gerard raised his brow in a silent question.

"Well," I explained," just as I was going to get dressed, he showed up in front of my door with a big bunch of flowers and had the very intention to enter the suite."

I waited for Gerard’s reaction and it came: "What does he take you for? I’ll make sure it won’t happen again."

"It’s all right, I just thought it would be nice if you held him at bay, I don’t especially like him."

We sat down and for a while none of us said anything. As the breakfast was almost over, I suddenly remembered: "Oh, Gerard, I wanted to ask you a favor."

"I’ll do whatever you like," his dark eyes were friendly.

"You know, I want to do some shopping but I’m reluctant to use my cards, it’s a bit dangerous, I’m afraid the man who wanted to kill me will try to do it once more and I don’t want that he’ll be able to spy me with the help of the cards. Could you help?" I bent over the table to take a closer look at his expressive face.

"You are a clever little girl," he said and I could hear admiration in his voice, "I wouldn’t even think about such a thing. Let’s simply go and make some new cards, I’ve got a friend who can help."

As we went out of the bank, new cards in my purse, a wave of gratitude swept over me: "Gerard, I owe you so much, you’re saving my life for the second time in the last 24 hours."

"You’ll have enough time to thank me," he smiled but there was something in his smile that made my heart sink. I wasn’t sure what I saw in his eyes, was it danger?

The bright December day did everything to lift my spirits and as the taxi came to a halt near a bureau, I almost forgot our strange talk in front of the bank. Gerard helped me out of the car and told me: "You know, I don’t’ hire a car cause I’m never sure of Italian cars, it’s a horror to drive in Rome!" I believed him because I’ve already seen that crazy traffic in the Eternal City. We entered the building and almost at once were brought to Harold’s office. He was obviously glad to see me: "Why isn’t it Ms. Donner just walking into my office? Can I call you Lindsay by the way? Ms. Donner is too official." Edward, who was already present, threw him an exasperated look. I shrugged: I knew it would go on like this till I left. "Good morning Mr. Smith, Mr. Wells," I lowered into a chair, offered by Gerard, who didn’t give Harold a chance to go on: "Let’s start, gentlemen, Lindsay, are you ready?" I nodded and they started discussing the wine business. I was rather bored, it’s never been interesting to me but I had to translate and did my best. How often I thought that back to US I would have been somewhere in the mobile lab, together with the team. Even Praeger seemed now all right to me. Mercifully, after five hours the torture was over and we left the two Americans. Gerard and I parted at the entrance of the building, I was going to do some shopping and he wanted to visit some French friends of him.

As I walked down the streets in Rome, I was fascinated by the ancient city. It wasn’t called Eternal City for nothing. Unexpectedly I found myself at the foot of the Capitol Hill and spent the next hour wandering among the stones. I felt at ease there, having only stones for the company, no one who could harm me. Strange how quickly I became suspicious of everyone, being rather knowledgeable in psychology, I guessed I was about being paranoiac. It was of course nothing good but considering the situation I thought that it was inevitable. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I almost screamed out loud and sprang back, gasping for air. There was a man standing behind me, obviously Italian. He was as frightened as I was and as he saw my big eyes, he started to explain me something in Italian. I shook my head: "No Italiano, only English or French." He understood English because in the next moment he told me in a heavy accented English: "It’s not a suitable place for a lady like you, there’re a lot of thieves out here and you should better look for a safer place." I thanked the man and let him take me out of the Capitol ruins to the bus station. "This bus will bring you to Vatican, there’re a lot of works of art there, you’ll be ok," he said, casting me what I thought to be a strange look. My paranoia didn’t let me go and my common sense set off all kinds of alarm bells in my head. Why would a man I saw today for the first time in my life be so worried about my well – being. Of course I was rather pretty but it couldn’t be the reason. He had to know who I was, someone was after me. That is why I entered the bus and took a sit so that the bus driver couldn’t see me, I had a feeling he was intensively watching me. As I saw that there was a large group of tourists getting out of the bus five minutes later, I followed them into the bright sunshine. The bus drove away and I started to walk away from the bus stop, forcing myself not to run not to arouse someone’s attention. He found me in Rome, I thought, he’d find me wherever I go, there was no escape. I didn’t use my own credit cards; I took the ones Gerard gave me so there was no way Elsinger could trace me. Couldn’t he? I thought about Gerard. Was it only a coincidence he had the two tickets and allowed me to follow him to Rome? Goodness, I was overreacting, I thought as I visited the shops one after another, trying on and buying clothes without really knowing what I did. I must have been a rather interesting sight: I could bet the shop assistants considered me nutty. I didn’t care; I was too deep in my thoughts to notice the looks they exchanged. It was so unlike me! I was usually very conscious of every word told about me, about every hint dropped. Not nothing mattered, it seemed to me in these two weeks since Connor’s death I changed more than in the last two years.

"Lindsay, I’m so glad to see you here!" in the mirror of the fitting I suddenly saw Harold’s face. I wish I were dreaming. "Oh, you’re a cutie in this dress, it suits you," but Harold was real and I had to face him.

I turned around and openly eyed him: "Harold, what do you want from me? Why do you follow me wherever I go?"

He seemed to be at a loss, a feeling strange to him as I fancied. "I just like you," he finally stammered, only to say something.

"But I don’t like you and I’m not in the least pleased to "enjoy" your society," I didn’t realized my voice could be so icy. It had something to do with the situation.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you," Harold was confused. "But it’s you who behaves strange: first you smile and laugh and then get angry. It’s not normal, you know," now he sounded angry. It was the hurt pride. I turned away to hide sudden tears in my ears, I couldn’t speak.

"I’m sorry, Harold, you better go," that was all I managed to say and burst into tears I couldn’t control any more. Harold rushed to my side, frightened: "Lindsay, what’s wrong?" I neither heard nor saw him, my mind was far away in the past.

"Donner, what’s wrong?" I could hear fear in Connor’s voice over the co link, though I knew he did his best to control it. I watched for the last time the werewolf, bending above me and fired. I just scolded Connor for being far too cautious, speaking with Peter but now I was so grateful to have the pistol in my hands. I wasn’t afraid, there was Connor on the other side of the wire and I knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. "I think I hit him," I whispered to Connor and I knew he was already on his way to me. Everything was going to be all right.

"Lindsay, can you hear me?" voices grew louder, making my headache. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I didn’t want to go away from the place I was, from Connor, I didn’t want to lose my memories. And I didn’t return to the reality, I drifted away to a cozy darkness.

"Does she have such attacks?" I recognized Harold’s voice.

"I don’t know, it happens for the second time and each time she seems to go further and further. No one can reach her. I wonder if it has something to do with this Doyle, who died somewhere in Russia," it was Gerard. My heart sank. I didn’t remember telling Connor’s name to Gerard, nor did I mention something about Russia. Perhaps I told it out loud as I had one of those "attacks". "Anyway it was something serious, she wouldn’t behave that strange if it were a nuisance. I opened my eyes and saw that I was lying in my hotel suite, both men sitting on the sofa opposite my bed. "She’s conscious," Gerard was the first to be by my side. "Honey, you gave me the creeps, do you feel all right?" his eyes were dark with worry. I opened my mouth to answer but realized I couldn’t speak. "You mustn’t die, it’s not the right time," Gerard said. It was a strange thing to say. Harold also sat down and took my hand: "Lindsay, can you imagine how you scared me and all the shop assistants? Just to start crying and then to faint!" I could finally speak: "Was it that horrible?"

Harold shook his head. "No, not really but it was a …" he paused to find the right word," a rather strange thing to happen." Gerard looked at me and I could swear he understood each word Harold said; his knowledge of English was really good.

"Well, I have to go now, the doctor said I shouldn’t torture you with talks, you need some peace. I’ll see you tomorrow," with these words Harold squeezed my hand and left the room. Now Gerard and I were alone.

"Lindsay, promise me you won’t do something like this again," Gerard was the first to speak.

"Gerard, why are you here? Why do you care for me?" the questions escaped my lips before I could realize what I was speaking.

Gerard looked at me and then suddenly took me in his arms: "I love you, Lindsay, I loved you from the first minute I saw you. You shouldn’t leave; you should never go away from me. You must promise you stay. We’ll always be together, we’ll live somewhere in France, have kids: little girls looking exactly like you," he smiled tenderly. Now in his arms I longed for this life. Farewell to the dangers, farewell to Elsinger, farewell to O.S.I.R.

No, it was not the right way, I couldn’t leave the Office, it wouldn’t be right. It was like giving up: me, usually zealous and facing danger, to quit O.S.I.R just because I wasn’t safe and sound for some time? It wasn’t Lindsay; it wasn’t what Connor would have liked me to do.

I gently got free from Gerard’s arms: "No, Gerard, I won’t stay with you. I’m very thankful to you for all you did to me and I’m terribly sorry but I can’t. I love another one."

"You can’t love dead forever, Lindsay," a soft, almost hypnotizing voice. "I don’t care, Gerard, whether he’s dead or not, I still love him. You can’t understand," I continued as I saw he wanted to say something, "all my life I’ve been waiting for someone like Connor to come and as I first saw him I knew he was my fate. I love him, I’ll always love him no matter what happens."

"Now listen to me, Lindsay and listen carefully." Did I hear a menace in his voice?

"You forget this guy right now and you’ll go with me to France, it’s the only way you can stay alive."

"I knew it from the beginning," I said in a surprised calm voice. "I knew it was no coincidence. Do you want to kill me? Just like Elsinger?"

"It’s a pity you’re so clever," Gerard sighed. "Now gather you bags and we’ll go to France."

"I won’t," I said firmly.

"You will," a voice from the door said.

I raised my head: "Frank, I knew you won’t miss the party."

"Lindsay, darling, it doesn’t become you being so cross with me," he had one of his smiles, the one I hated.

"Come on, shoot me, why do you linger?" but before I could continue, Gerard interrupted.

"Frank, why don’t we give her a chance? We’re going to France and if she agrees to become my wife, I can guarantee she won’t do any harm to you. We could arrange a little accident to make others think she’s dead." Elsinger watched me for a short time, then nodded: "Do as you wish, Gerard, you’ve got a week to decide, Donner." With these words Frank left the room.

"Go on, Lindsay, our plane is due in an hour," Gerard patted my hand. "Don’t worry, everything will be ok."

It was all the same to me, I just wished my death wouldn’t be too painful.

We landed in Paris two hours later and we again left the plane. But now it was different. Two days ago I was free and now I could feel Gerard’s eyes upon me. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next and I always hated uncertainty. It was a torture for me to wait and be helpless to change anything. Only one thing was certain: I wasn’t going to marry Gerard, no matter how Elsinger was going to harm me. Firstly, I didn’t like the idea of being a wife of someone, who was close to Frank; secondly I had a feeling it would be wrong to give up now. I wondered what was Elsinger’s plan. I was sure it was something very mean but what?

Gerard took our bags and we headed the waiting car. I tried to break away: "Gerard, I understand your feelings all right but don’t you think it’s just the time I should go? You’ll never hear from me again if you wish!"

He looked at me and there was sadness and tenderness on his face: "No, Lindsay, you’ll stay with me or you’ll have to go with Frank." "

Where?" I had to find out Elsinger’s intentions.

"Don’t bother, Lindsay, you’ll find out if you’re silly enough to accept Frank’s company instead of mine."

My lips were shaking: "I trusted you. I thought you liked me and you took me with you to Rome just because you saw I needed help!" I could see Gerard was shaken but he said nothing.

It was a horrible week. Gerard took away my cellular phone and there was no way I could call Peter. Nor could I go away. That was a real trap. The only thought brought me some consolation: soon I’ll be somewhere together with Connor. I never really believed in God but now I wished I did. It would be comforting to know there’s some place where I could go after I died. I didn’t care whether it was hell or paradise: the only thing that mattered was that I could be there with Connor. Gerard spent a lot of time with me; he talked to me and tried to make me accept his offer. I was afraid I wasn’t rather forthcoming, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with Gerard. I lost my confidence in him.

There was tension in the air, I could feel it with all my senses and waited for an outbreak. Finally I saw my door open and Frank appeared. "You are the most stupid person I met, Donner," he approached the armchair where I was sitting and reading.

"Is it your way to greet someone?" I asked caustically.

He laughed: "Oh, you’re the same, Lindsay, you don’t change. Now let’s speak openly. What do you know about Doyle’s death?"

"Gentlemen first," I answered.

"All right, you won’t live too long anyway. He was a clever man but too bold. You know, he always wanted to know more than he was told; it was a stupid wish of course. I warned him, it’s not that I’m a cold-blooded murder but he wouldn’t listen. He was just like you, my sweet Lindsay, just like you. Well, that is why he had to die. What would you say?"

"I hate you," I said calmly.

"Oh, I’m sorry," he took out something that looked like a pistol.

"Good night, Lindsay," he pulled the trigger and darkness enveloped me.

In all my life I never thought about death. Perhaps I was too young and too careless but it never came to my mind. Entering the O.S.I.R I knew it wasn’t a safe job and it was all right with me. In the last few years I faced danger so many times I couldn’t count and still I was never afraid of death. Perhaps that is why I was never really hurt or wounded: death doesn’t like those who’re not afraid of it. Strange thoughts but that is exactly what I think about it. I knew I wasn’t immortal but I never really met death until Connor died. He was so close to me, I could feel his pain and his anguish of body and mind. The worst was I couldn’t help. And then it was too late and I couldn’t do anything to prevent his horrible death. That was for the first time death laughed into my face, it showed me I wasn’t as fearless and almighty as I thought I was. Now it was again near me but this time it would be nothing but a rescue from the life I hated.

Everything was still and I was cold. I opened my eyes and at first I couldn’t believe what I saw: I was again in Archangelsk, in front of the terrible plant. "What’s the hell?" but the words died on my lips as I turned back and saw Elsinger standing behind me.

"How do you like it, Donner?" he asked.

"You… you brought me here to kill me?" I stammered.

"The best place, isn’t it? But it’s not you, who’s my major problem, it’s the parasites. You know, not all of them died in the explosion, which took away the „beloved" Doyle, but some survived and I would like to get rid of them. Forever. Just like I want to get rid of you."

Now I understood: he wanted results, he wanted tests and I had to be the guinea – pig for him. "Oh, Frankie – boy, I knew you’d never disappoint me," I couldn’t help laughing at his plans. It was all I could do, just laugh. Elsinger looked at me, anxious to understand what I meant. Could I be a danger to his plans? "Don’t look at me this way, Frank, stop it," I said in my normal voice. "No joking: you mean, I’m going to die in this building after parasites will be within me. Am I right?" He nodded. "Well, it’s all right with me," I shrugged. "Let’s go."

For the second time I could see amazement written on his face. "You don’t try to scream or run away?" he asked cautiously.

"Frank, am I a hysterical 16 – year – old? You should know by now I’m not in the least like you," I said scornfully. "If you want a scene, go and watch some cheap movie." I guessed I was infuriating him and that was exactly what I wanted, I wanted to see him die from his fury. Elsinger grabbed my hand and almost dragged me towards the building. I pulled my hand free: "I’ve learnt how to walk with 10 months, I can go without your help, thank you." He didn’t touch me any more. Finally we were in front of the building.

"Where is Connor? Where is he?"

Pain in Peter’s eyes.

Now it was my turn.

Elsinger let me in and showed me the panel and the generator. "Do you want to do it yourself or should I?"

"Thanks, I’ll be fine on my own."

"Then I’ll go, Beta team and I will wait till the plant blows up and then we’ll head Archangelsk and tell the government there about a horrible accident. Poor Ms. Donner, she couldn’t be saved! I guess Peter will be very sad, he always liked you."

I hated Elsinger. How I hated him! Then he was gone, I could hear the iron door closing. Now all I had to do was to pull the starting lever. Then I’ll be dead. I could feel parasites coming near and I preferred to die first than to be tortured by the parasites. I put my hand on the starting lever and in the same moment couldn’t help wondering whether Connor felt the same as he held the same lever. He was a hero, rescuing the lives of his team and I was a fool, allowing Elsinger trap me.

"Lindsay," there was someone speaking to me. I turned my head and suppressed a cry. There was a man, dressed in an anorak, a hood hiding his face. "I don’t believe in ghosts," I said firmly. "Who are you? Who sent you?"

"It doesn’t matter now, follow me, I’ll take out of here and then we’ll blow the plant," the man said. I could swear I recognized the voice but I wasn’t sure. I shrugged. There was no way out of this situation so why not take the chance? I followed him down the dark corridors, none of us speaking anything. Finally I could feel cold wind upon my face and then I saw the blinding whiteness of the snow desert in front of me. "I’m giving you an order, Lindsay, run! You haven’t got two chances," the man started running towards the dark spot, which seemed to be a forest. I was too stunned and so did as he ordered. It could be only one man. Connor Doyle. "Wait, what does this mean?" I ran after him as fast as I could, the snow under my feet making a fast progress impossible. "Damn, will you stop or not?" I cried out of my breath, reaching the forest. A mighty explosion shook the air; I was thrown back, hitting a tree. The plant stood for a moment just as it was and then collapsed into the roaring inferno of flames. "I hope you have a good explanation, Mr. Whatever – you – are," I said, standing up. "But thank you for saving my life."

"Lindsay, my dear little Lindsay, it’s so typical you," he took down the hood and I saw Connor’s face. The next moment I was holding him, not daring to believe he was real.

"I’m real, Lindsay, you don’t believe in ghosts, do you?" there was laughter in his eyes.

"I don’t," I answered, too moved to speak.

"Now do what you’re told, we have to move quickly otherwise Elsinger will find out you still live and then I won’t give a penny for our lives. We have to reach a little village not far from here where we can find a way to take you to an American embassy."

"I won’t go," I said.

Connor turned, looking surprised: "What? You don’t want to go with me?"

"I won’t go anywhere, even home without you, Connor," I held his gaze as firm as mine.

"We’ll see," he finally said and I knew I won.

It seemed to me we’ve been walking for ages, stuck in snow and I didn’t see any sign of civilization but I didn’t complain. Everything was going to be all right now that Connor was with me. As if reading my thoughts, Doyle turned to me: "Are you tired?"

"No, if you aren’t tired, I’m not tired as well," I answered. He smiled and we dragged on. It was already dark as I saw that the trees started to disappear and heard the noise of the playing children. They saw us and ran up to Connor. He told them something what I didn’t understand to what they burst into laughter and pulled both Connor and me into one of the houses. "I didn’t know you could speak Russian that well," that was all I managed, chilled to bone and wishing nothing but something hot to drink.

"Oh, God, you must be freezing!" he exclaimed. "I was too busy with our escape and didn’t mention you weren’t proper dressed for this kind of a Siberian winter."

"It’s all right, you don’t have to worry," I reassured but Connor didn’t listen to me, we already entered a wooden house and a welcomed wave of a warm air made my eyes water. Connor was already speaking to a beautiful woman who answered him, smiling. Then he turned to me: "Follow Anna, she’ll give you something different to put on and something hot to drink." I gladly did what he said.

"You’re Anna?" I asked, my usual curiosity considering new people I learnt often helped me over the language barriers.

"Anna," she showed at herself and asked something, pointing at me.

"I’m Lindsay, Lindsay Donner," I somehow understood she wondered about my name.

"Lindsay," she repeated and smiled. I already liked her and was sure we’ll get on well.

After I put on the woolen clothes Anna gave me, she exited the room. I guessed she went to look for Connor but I didn’t know it for sure. I stayed sitting on the bed, watching my surroundings. I didn’t even notice how my eyes closed and I was fast asleep, glad to be free from painful thoughts.

This time I didn’t have any nightmares, somehow Connor’s presence scared them away. I woke up, aware of someone looking at me. There was Connor sitting near the bed, his dear gray – blue eyes thoughtful. He didn’t seem to notice I was awake and I stayed lying still, afraid to disturb the magic of the moment. I wished it could go on like this forever: Connor sitting there, rays of sun playing upon his handsome face and me watching him. I loved him more with every minute spent in his presence, I loved everything in him: every feature, every gesture. Everything was so dear and familiar to me.

I unwillingly stirred and found myself looking directly into Connor’s eyes. He seemed rather confused: "You’ve been watching me?"

I nodded: "Sorry I couldn’t help."

He looked away and then again watched me: "You’ve been surely asking yourself how I managed to survive?"

I shook my head: "No, Connor."

"No?" he was genuinely surprised. "It’s enough for me to know you’re safe and sound here with me and I don’t want to torture you with bitter memories and stupid questions. Let the past burry its dead."

For a moment there was tenderness on his face and I saw he was about to say something but then it was over. "Thank you, Lindsay, I knew you’d understand. Now let’s speak about the future. Today Anna’s husband will drive us to Archangelsk, there’s an American embassy and you’ll be able to return to US. Just get ready, we’re breaking in fifteen minutes," he exited the room before I could rise any objections and I could see he did it cause he knew that would be exactly what I would do. I chuckled: he knew me as well as I knew him.

In fifteen minutes I stood in front of the house, saying my farewell to Anna. We understood each other without much talking, it was a perfect communication.

"She’s a very nice person," I told Connor as we were sitting in a little truck.

He nodded: "Just like Nicolai. They helped me a great deal, I owe much to them both, and I couldn’t survive without their help."

Nicolai seemed to understand what we were talking about because he broadly smiled. The rest of the way I spent silent, listening to Connor’s talk with Nicolai and trying to understand something. "Here we are," said Connor as the car stopped in front a big gray building.

"You should get out."

"Not without you," I stayed sitting until Connor also exited the truck. "Lindsay, now listen carefully: this is your way, your only way to go back to US, to the life you used to live. Go now."

"No, Connor, you’re wrong if you think I’ll leave you. No, not for the second time, I’m not going to lose you, is that clear to you?"

"Lindsay, don’t torture us both, go," there was pain in his eyes.

"Then tell me you hate me and I’ll leave. Say "I hate you", it’s so simple," tears already started to fill my eyes. I knew I wouldn’t stand it for the second time. Not losing him again.

"I love you, Connor, I’ve been loving you for ages but I’ll go if you wish. Just say the three words." I knew I was torturing him, making him suffer but I couldn’t let him make a mistake, couldn’t let me make a mistake, not to hate myself for the rest of my life for being too weak.

"I…" he started. I couldn’t believe it: he was allowing his common sense win. "I’m sorry, Lindsay, I can’t let you go, I love you even if that means my death."

"Oh, Connor," tears streamed down my face as we stood in the cold of a Siberian winter, holding each other tight. It was the happiest moment in my life, I didn’t need anyone or anything else and I was ready to be through with all the pain and tears again for a moment like this. I knew he wouldn’t go now; we’d be always together. No one could part us, not even death, now we won. Our lips met. How long I’ve been waiting for this moment to come! How long I’ve been sad because I knew Connor would never be able to be led by his feelings and not by his common sense! But now it didn’t matter any more, this day set us free. We were both free from past and ready to begin a new life, no one knew we were still alive; we both were dead "while doing our job". Elsinger made us happy without realizing it. "Lindsay, you know what?" Connor whispered. I shook my head.

"I’m so glad I didn’t let you go. It would have been the biggest mistake in my entire life. As we came to Russia, I understood what you meant to me but it was already too late, a parasite was inside of me and I couldn’t tell you anything, not to make you suffer after I died. I lay in that dark room at the plant and my last thought was about you, Lindsay, I swore if I ever got a second chance, I’d tell you everything, time is too precious to lose it."

"We’ve got entire lives in front of us," I whispered back. "Our entire lives."

He smiled: "Sounds good like everything you say. Oh, we forgot Nicolai; he’s been waiting for us for ages. Come on, honey, let’s tell him he can go, we’ll be all right."

"Like everywhere you are," I added. We approached the car and Connor talked for a while with the man while I raised my head and watched the sky. I loved it, I loved the whole world around me: the low gray skies, the noisy town around me, the snow falling down. It was the place where I was together with Connor and that was all that counted. Finally Nicolai and Connor seemed to come to some agreement because Nicolai waved his hand at us and sped away.

"What are we going to do?" Connor looked down at me.

"Perhaps we should go to the embassy, there we could at least get some kind of passes, Elsinger has got all my papers," I proposed. Connor shook his head but two minutes later we were sitting in the warm corridor. "Lindsay, I hope you understand I can’t go back to US, not now, perhaps in some years," his face was serious. "I thought I’d stay here."

"Fine," I shrugged, "I’ll only need a few books."

Connor raised his brows: "Books?"

"Ok, tapes, I’ll have to learn Russian and what did you think? I can’t live in a land without being able to communicate with people."

"But Lindsay, you can’t stay here, you have to return to US, how do you imagine a life out here? You’re a young woman, an investigator!"

"And you’re an old man who’s just about to die!" I mocked. "Doyle, wake up, I’m not going anywhere without you, if you decided to stay here in Siberia, I’m staying here with you."

"Lindsay, you’re being impossible," but there was tenderness in his face, I knew he wasn’t going to let me go alone back to America. "We’ll return both," Connor finally said. "It’s the only right way, we can’t run away from Elsinger but we can make him retreat. And then if the new boss doesn’t mind two rebels, we could stay in O.S.I.R," he looked in my face, looking for a sign of an approval or a disapproval.

"What are you waiting for? Come along to the ambassador!" I smiled. We stood up and suddenly Connor asked: "Lindsay, if I tell you to jump from the plane while it’s in the air, will you do it?"

I nodded: "Of course I will." He shook his head: "You’re impossible!"

And we both burst into laughter.

II. Connor

I didn’t remember when I first came to the idea that I loved this woman. I could clearly remember the first time we met, I liked her then for her straightforwardness and her charm but I didn’t realize I loved her until we came to Russia. It was a horrible case and a horrible time. I knew Elsinger was on my heels for a very long time; we didn’t get on well together from the beginning. I just couldn’t stand him but it wasn’t till we came to Archangelsk I realized how he hated me. Then I understood the real Elsinger, I saw his naked face. Elsinger was a murderer, a cold – blooded master of the game he played. I didn’t want to play the rules though I knew them and so he decided to "punish" me in his own way: to kill me.

Here I was now, on the plant, the parasite inside of me torturing me and causing pain. But this physical pain was nothing compared to my mental anguish. I felt guilty. Lindsay, she’d the first to suffer when I was dead. I wished it were different, I wished I could tell her how I loved her, how I wanted everything to be. Now she would never find out, it was too late. I only wished she found someone who could understand her just the way I did, so that she didn’t suffer. My team. That was another uneasy thought. During the time I spent with them, they became my family where I felt really at ease. Not in the last time though, I mentioned Elsinger hated me and that he was only looking for a reason to hurt me. Well, he achieved his goal; I wasn’t going to bother him any more. Again Lindsay. She lingered, she didn’t want to leave my mind just like she didn’t want to leave me as I sent her away. I knew she would like to stay, to be with me till the end. Was it possible she loved me? Now I would never be able to find out, it was too late for me too.

As I put my hand on the starting lever, I saw her again as clearly as if she were really by my side. I saw her face: so dear and close, laughing, frowning, close to tears, determined and straightforward as only she could be. Lindsay, my dear Lindsay…

Explosion shook the world around me, throwing me into the darkness, far from any pain.

I opened my eyes and tried to understand whether everyone who got to Hell or to Heaven felt just like I did. I was lying in the snow, a gray sky with heavy clouds above me. I’ve never been superstitious and so I could easily understand I was still alive. Then I heard voices, talking in a strange language. It took me only some minutes, then I found out they weren’t speaking English but Russian, the language I mercifully managed. The voices grew louder, coming close, I could hear they talked about the explosion and were going to look for injured. I had to stand up, to make them find me. Strange as it was, I felt safer with Russians now that I understood Elsinger’s intentions. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t regain control over my body, I couldn’t get up. No, I kept saying to myself, I’m not going to die now; I’m going to survive. For Lindsay, for our future. I had to talk to her, I had to confess to her, to explain her my feelings until it was really too late. Then another thought struck me: she could be in danger as well. Knowing her determination and zealousness, I could easily imagine the danger hovering over her. I had to stay alive, not to let Lindsay get trapped the way I was.

So I gathered all my strength and cried out in Russian: "Help, I’m over here!" Immediately I heard the men coming to the place where I was lying. "Oh, God, you must be injured," they carefully helped me to get up.

"Can you walk?" one of the men asked.

"I don’t know," I answered, thankful to the fate for them.

"Never mind, we’ve carried heavier things," he replied with a laugh. "What’s your name?" I wondered.

"Nicolai and yours?" I wavered about telling them the truth, then decided to be as honest as they were: "Connor Doyle."

"Then you’re American," this was more a statement than a question but his tone was still friendly.

"Yes, I was one of those scientists who came from US to explore the parasite case."

Nicolai stopped: "You came to help us to get rid of that damned little things?"

I nodded, then pointed at my bloodstained shirt: "I had one of these parasites in me, I’m just lucky he’s gone now." The men exchanged glances and I saw an expression of respect appear on their faces.

"How did it happen you’ve been left?" Nicolai asked. I had a strong feeling he was something like a chief in this group.

But then he added: "I’m asking too much, you need some rest now, I can wait till we get home." In silence I was asking myself what he meant by home but I was relieved to be alive – and to know that no one even supposed I could still live. Then I thought about Lindsay. I just couldn’t stop thinking about her and now I imagined all the pain she went through. I could almost feel it, her every tear. And I knew she’d accuse Peter of leaving me alone while he could help me although she understood it wasn’t his fault. It was mine.

We came to a little village. In the first few minutes I stood, enchanted by the picturesque scene in front of me. It was just like one of those scenes from a postcard, from a fairy tale: the setting sun, snow awash with all kinds of colors from rose to deep blue, sparkling under its rays, the little houses against the darkness of the forest. I wished Lindsay could be here with me to see it, we could be together here, just the two of us. However Nicolai wasn’t a daydreamer so we made our way to one of the houses. On the torch Nicolai paused and cried out: "Anna, we’ve got a visitor, mind it cooking the supper." He took off his heavy parka and we entered the house. It was not very large but warm and cozy, ill – lit by the light of the oven and the setting sun. "Anna, this is Connor, we found him in the forest." A tall slender woman smiled at me. She was what I always thought a Russian woman would be: sparkling blue eyes, long fair hair and an air of friendliness around her, reminding me of Lindsay. I smiled back: "Nice to meet you."

"He speaks Russian?" she quizzically lifted her blonde brows. "He does and very well," answered Nicolai with a chuckle. "You do well, Connor." "Thanks," I replied, "I try my best."

"Well, now you have to tell me what happened to you and how you came to that damned plant," proposed Nicolai and I started to tell him everything that happened from the day Elsinger called me. As I finished, his eyes were thoughtful.

"I think I saw her," Nicolai said slowly.

"Who? Lindsay?" my pulse quickened.

"Yes, it can be only her. She didn’t want to leave; I heard she quarreled with some men. I don’t know what about, I’m not that good in English and besides she spoke too quick for me."

"Poor Lindsay," I sighed. "I’ll kill this Elsinger as soon as I know how." "We’ll make a plan," decided Nicolai, throwing me a reassuring glance. "You can always be sure of my support." "I can’t describe how grateful I am to you," I answered, touched by his words. I saw he was pleased and not to show it he said briskly: "I hope you’ll stay the same nice guy you seem to be."

After a week in the village, my wounds healed. I could normally walk and did my best to help Nicolai and the other men in the village. It seemed to me I’ve been living forever, in this peaceful solitude of a Siberian winter. But my thoughts gave me no rest: I knew I had to do something about Elsinger, I had to act quickly. Then one day Andrej, Nicolai’s friend told me about some men busy to build up the plant. I knew immediately that it had something to do with Elsinger. The next day I talked to Nicolai and went to the plant. There were really all kinds of machines and to my horror, I saw Elsinger talking with someone who appeared to be a politician. I could hear them very well from the place where I hid.

"She’s becoming a real pain in the …," Elsinger complained, looking at the man.

"But you told me she’s not dangerous, Doyle was the only one who knew too much!" the stranger answered harshly.

"I thought he was! I never considered the possibility that this jumpy chic loved Doyle! You know, she keeps talking about me killing Doyle. Now everyone thinks she’s hysterical but she can’t be considered hysterical for ages. And she’s no way stupid: I’m quite sure she’ll find out about our plan. Then I envy neither you nor me. She won’t stop till she kills us!"

It was just what I thought: they were going to kill her, to kill my Lindsay.

"It’s your problem, Frank, you have to find a way to get rid of her," the gloomy stranger took out a cigarette.

"I’ve got a plan, that’s why I let rebuild this plant," a smile appeared on Elsinger’s face, the kind of smile I hated. "We’ve got some voice recording of Doyle, I’ll ring up Lindsay as "Doyle" and then she’ll do everything I want. I’ll bring her here to the plant and then after she’s dead I’ll tell anyone she got contaminated and preferred death to tortures," I’ve seldom seen Elsinger so pleased with himself.

"I hope this time you’ll succeed," the man answered. "For your sake."

I didn’t hear Elsinger’s reply because the two men started to go towards the waiting car.

I had to act, now that I was sure about the plot; I had to do everything possible to save Lindsay. This was the least I could do for her.

The next week I was busy planning the escape. I went twice to town to call Lindsay but each time I did it, there was no one home and I was afraid to leave a message, which could reveal that I was alive. So I had to plan everything considering the fact I couldn’t warn her, prevent from going too far. Every day I went to the "ruins" like I called the plant to check on Elsinger and his men. There were none.

I didn’t sleep at night, thinking about future, especially after I understood I couldn’t talk to Lindsay after all. We couldn’t stay together, there would always be Elsinger on my heels, and no matter what happened and the last thing I wanted was to endanger her, the only woman I really loved. I knew I had to stay in Russia, perhaps even in this village forever, anonymous among the people. There was so much to give up: my job, my friends, my team and Lindsay. But it was the only possible way, I thought, the only way to turn back to past and to start a new life.

I could feel something would happen from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning. It was the 24th of December, a Christmas Eve. It wasn’t a holiday in Russia though and Anna was very surprised as I told her, there was Christmas in US. However I didn’t have time for talks, sure not to lose a minute I went to the ruins. This time my gut instinct was right, I knew I could always rely on it. There were people everywhere, running, talking and installing something what I considered to be a bombe. The show could begin, I thought, and this time you’d lose, Elsinger.

A car came in the afternoon after all the workers disappeared. My throat tightened as I saw Lindsay coming out of the car. From the distance I couldn’t see her face but I could bet it wasn’t as joyous and smiling as always. That was just the right time so I sneaked into the one of the corridors I knew very well now. Soon I saw her, talking to Elsinger.

"Do you want to do it yourself or should I?" he reminded me of a snake just like always.

Lindsay threw him a scathing look: "Thanks, I’ll be fine on my own." Elsinger smiled but I saw he was somehow uneasy: "Then I’ll go, Beta team and I will wait till the plant blows up and then we’ll head Archangelsk and tell the government there about a horrible accident. Poor Ms. Donner, she couldn’t be saved! I guess Peter will be very sad, he always liked you."

The door closed. I waited for a couple of minutes; just to be sure he was gone and walked out of darkness to face her.

"Lindsay," she turned around and in this moment I knew all my plans were foolish and I would never let her go again.

III. Lindsay

I couldn’t believe it all happened. It was like a return to childhood where the entire world seemed to be a fairyland, magic everywhere only hiding to surprise me. Every day I lived was the most wonderful in my life. We were in Moscow now, Connor and me, just the way I always wanted it to happen. From the minute I saw him again I knew I’d stay with him no matter what happened and I fancied that was exactly what he thought as well. And yesterday as soon as we came to Moscow Connor asked me to marry him.

No sitting in an armchair upon the papers he gave me to look through, I smiled, recalling every little bit of our talk yesterday.

"Lindsay," he started while we were having our dinner. I

raised my head, curious at his sudden change of voice and puzzled by his expression: "I’m listening, Connor."

He lowered his eyes and then again raised them: "You know, I’ve already told you I love you, I’ve been loving you for a long time."

"I love you too, honey," I smiled to encourage him.

"Well, I think that you’re the only woman I’ll ever love and I… I’d like to ask you how you’d find the idea of us always being together," Connor looked at me, his blue – gray eyes filled with worry.

"You mean, you’re asking me to marry you?" I teased.

He merely nodded: "Exactly."

I slowly nodded: "Yes, I’d be delighted to be with you always, no one and nothing can part us." T

hen he took me in his arms and kissed me and I forgot the world around, just like I usually did.

I smiled at my thoughts. Who’d think only a week ago that I’d be that happy? Connor was my Christmas present just like he said I was his. Who said miracles didn’t happen? I let out a sigh remembering Peter. We’ve been close for a long time, estranged only by Connor’s death. I couldn’t forgive him, Connor stood between us. But then I never let anyone become more important to me than Connor. I was being unfair but for me sun shone out of Connor, he was my one and all. I thought about the letter I left him. I still remembered every word. I could imagine how he read it, unbelieving, excited and sad. But he had to know I was sorry.

"Dear Pete,

When you find and read this letter, I’ll be gone. I don’t know whether I’ll ever see you again. Believe me, I’m sorry, so sorry I have to go without talking to you and I’m even more sorry I left you down. I hope you’ll forgive me for all I’ve done, for all the accusation. I know I’ll never be free of guilt for my heartbreaking behavior after the accident on the plant but I hope you’ll understand the way you always did: understand and forgive. Connor’s alive and that’s now all that counts. Believe me, I didn’t collaborate with Elsinger like Praeger said, I also didn’t expect you believed it cause deep in your heart you know me very well, perhaps even better than I do. So this is my way to say good-bye, to go away without hurting you any more, without betraying you. You know I’ll never do it, not to you.

So I hope you’ll be happy from now on, free of guilt, free of me and free of the past, don’t let it hover over you,

Always loving you,

LD."

Tears sprang to my eyes. Peter was suffering, he’s lost both of us: Connor and me.

I hoped we’d be able to return to US if not to down Elsinger then to see Pete and other members of the team, to tell them we were all right.

A sudden thought made me smile. I remembered the nickname Pete gave me. Sunray. He did his best to keep it a secret but I knew about it and didn’t actually mind. In fact I liked the name, just like everything about Peter. He was a nice guy, not a serious and attentive as Connor but sweet and dedicated. We spent so much time together, so many sleepless nights in front of monitors, just two of us: me and Pete. Memories flooded upon me and I again lowered the papers. I was happy now but – a funny thing human is – I couldn’t help wishing I could turn back time, be again in the team, investigating the cases, just the way it used to be in the first few years.

It was his fault. Elsinger’s. Wanting revenge wasn’t a good feeling but then there was nothing positive about Frank. He jeopardized the well – being of a whole team only to get rid of Connor, he tried to kill me, to threaten Peter. I even felt sorry for Praeger, he now seemed an ideal scapegoat to me: neither mine nor Connor’s bodies have been found, Elsinger couldn’t be sure we were dead. But now it was out with Frank, we’ve got enough evidence to chase him from O.S.I.R and even to throw him into jail.

"Hello, my little bride, you’ve been again daydreaming," Connor brought into the room the winter breath and the snow, falling outside.

I smiled self – consciously, returning his kiss: "I’ve been thinking ‘bout Peter."

Connor’s smile faded: "I must confess I’ve been cracking my brains upon this problem." He sat down next to me.

"I think we should go to US right away," I said, "we’re almost ready." "No, we’ve got a lot to do firstly and secondly I’ve got some news for you," he took my hand. "We’re going to be married today."

"That’s great!" I exclaimed, not able to hide my joy. "I knew it had to happen soon but I’d have never thought it would be that soon. It’s like a tale, you know."

He’s been looking at me for a long time and I saw love in his eyes. And something else: worry? Anguish?

"All fairy tales have to end sometime," he said softly.

"But not ours, we’ve lost too much already. Nothing can part us," I answered.

"Not even death," I was not sure whether it was a statement or a question.

"Not even death, honey," I reassured and bent over to kiss him.

It wasn’t a wedding, judged formally. No church bathed in flowers, no bride all dressed in white, no cheerful friends. But it was just the right way for Connor and me, we were together and it was all that mattered.

Afterwards as we wandered hand in hand down the streets, I looked into Connor’s face and asked: "Something’s disturbing you, Connor. What’s wrong?"

He sighed: "Don’t worry, I’m all right."

"You aren’t," I retorted heatedly," what don’t you be honest to me?"

"My dear Lindsay, you haven’t changed a bit," he smiled. "All right, I’ll tell you everything, I’m happy right now, happy for the first time in my life and that’s why I can’t stop feeling uneasy. I’m afraid it’ll soon be over, our world will be destroyed. I can’t bear the idea of losing you again, love."

"It won’t happen again," I whispered, leaning closer to him," I won’t let it happen."

"Kind of a witch?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, kind of," I admitted, " I had so much to do with the paranormal that I’ve become an expert myself."

"I’m glad you have," and the world span around as he kissed me.

These were happy days, I enjoyed every minute with Connor: we did everything together; working through the files he got on O.S.I.R and then sightseeing. Moscow is a great city, there were a lot of places we visited, enchanted by the ancient beauty entwined with the modern formality, lost in the whirl of peoples, streets and events. There was always something on, something new and exciting.

"You know, we could go on living like this," Connor once told me, "anonymous in this city. There’s a lot of work for Americans," he grinned, "our kids will grow up here, surrounded by two cultures."

"Are you sure that is what’ll make you happy?" I asked, thoughtful at his words. "Are you sure peaceful family life is enough for you or me? We can’t let Elsinger get away with his deeds, he can’t win, Connor, not while we’re still alive, me and you."

He looked at me, sadness in his eyes: "You’re right Lindsay, that’s what you wanted when you went away from your family to join O.S.I.R, that’s why I kept returning to the Bermudas. It’s our way to look for truth, isn’t it?" I merely nodded; he was like always voicing my thoughts.

"No way back," I faintly smiled and had a feeling we entered a dangerous zone with no return.

Days were flying enormous fast, I wished I could reach out and make them stop but being both a scientist and a down – to – earth woman I knew it was impossible. No one was able to stop life; no one would ever be able to do it. During the time I used to think about Peter and my whole life. It was as if I were viewing a stranger: so much has changed in the last few months.

"Lindsay," started Connor one morning, as we were sitting at the breakfast table, discussing our plans for the day. I used to joke Connor would always stay a Case Manager no matter what happened. He was just a born leader and I liked to be led by him.

quot; I lowered my eyes. On the one side I found it impossible lying to Connor, he would knew it anyway, on the other side I didn’t want to worry him.

Finally my usual straightforwardness won the battle: "Yes, I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather lately but don’t mind, I’ll be all right." "Lin," he took my hand across the table, "you have to see a doctor." He continued speaking, knowing I’ll protest and interrupting me: "Please, just to make sure you’re ok, if it’s nothing then you’ll be told so." I didn’t especially like doctors and I hated being exposed to the Russian language without any backing, it made me feel vulnerable, I still understood rather badly. Connor again read my thoughts: "I’ll come with you, don’t worry ‘bout speaking Russian." I couldn’t help jumping up and hugging him across the table, our cups flying to the floor.

"You’re a darling!" I smiled.

"Just look what you’ve done to the dishes!" he sounded strict but there was affection written on his face, in his wonderful blue – gray eyes.

An hour later I was sitting in front of a doctor who observed me with cold and attentive eyes. She asked me a lot of questions and even before I could understand them to the end, she wrote down the answers.

"Well, Mrs. Doyle," she choked on my name which made me feel sick but nevertheless it was a doctor as Connor’s been told and I patiently waited for further information, my once rather friendly smile frozen on my lips. "I have the very idea that you’re pregnant."

"I beg your pardon?" I didn’t quite understand the last word.

Her expression was exasperated: "You’re going to have a baby!" There was an irritated "oh, these Americans" look on her face. But I didn’t see it, I didn’t care what face she pulled. Her words were ringing in my ears. A baby! A part of Connor and me. I rushed over to hug the woman: "Thank you, that’s one of the best pieces of news I’ve heard in the last few weeks!!!"

The woman looked astonished but finally smiled: "I’m glad I was the one to tell you this." I exited the room, smiling.

"Honey, you look like a cat that swallowed a canary," Connor was waiting outside and although he didn’t’ show it, I knew he was nervous. "Just guess," I teased.

"No, Lin, stop," he laughed. "You know I’m sick with worry!"

"Well," I took my bag from him," we’re not going to US after all, not in the near future I think."

"Why?" Connor’s brow lifted.

"Not until our baby is born," I finished and waited for his reaction. "Lindsay, that’s simply gorgeous!" he pulled me off my feet and held up high. "I hope it’ll be a girl, just like you."

"Another Lindsay?" I asked in mocked horror.

"Oh, God, I just didn’t’ think about that," he admitted, grinning.

"And I do hope it’ll take after father," I laughed, "How do you imagine me managing together me and LJ?"

"LJ?" asked Connor, puzzled.

"Lindsay Junior," I explained.

"Oh, if you can’t do it, what about me then?" we continued joking like this as we were already sitting in the car.

"Let’s celebrate it!" Connor smiled at me across the seat.

"Sure," I answered. I remembered it was just like this on a cold January day, about ten months ago. It was a rather hot afternoon in October, the weather unusually warm and sunny, kind of Indian summer. We were sitting in the car, heading the Red Square in Moscow, me, Connor and AJ, Anne Julia, our daughter, who was one month old today.

"I bet AJ understands everything we say," Connor continued, casting a look at the sleeping baby in my arms.

"Oh, yes, she does, having such a father, professor doctor," I teased.

Then I grew serious: "Do you think it’s right to go to US in December? She’s still so small!"

Connor sighed: "I know honey, but I’ve got information that Elsinger is just around to quit, there’s some unclear story about him and the head of O.S.I.R. We have to pin him down before he escapes."

"I understand and still I’m already used to living here," I didn’t finish my sentence, which wasn’t important anyway; Connor always could read my thoughts.

"No more afraid of Russian language?" this time it was Connor, who mocked my linguistic abilities.

"You know what? Just try to speak to Russians 24 hours a day, as I did lying in the hospital with AJ!" I exclaimed. "I’d see what you did then." I paused and added: "Just made sure your tie is not dirty and acquire in a calm tone where you could bear the child."

Connor couldn’t help bursting into laughter and I joined him.

"Oh, Lin," he wept the tears of merriment away," you’re not destined to be a mother, you’ll always stay a naughty child!" Then he added. "It’ll be all right, Lin, don’t worry," he smiled reassuringly and though my fears didn’t vanish completely, they still were subdued by the sense of security that Connor radiated.

"Did you let Peter know?" I asked, throwing aside all the uneasy thoughts, genuinely delighted at the perspective of seeing Pete again. "No, it’ll be a useless risk for him, a rather stupid deed," Connor answered. Of course he’s already planned everything in his usual way. Connor smiled at me: "Relax, Lin, we’re going to make it, me and you." He looked down at our baby – daughter peacefully sleeping in my arms: "And AJ."

I smiled back. It was so peaceful here in Moscow. During the time I spent here I learnt to speak Russian rather fluently and to understand what people were saying. Perhaps it was because Connor made me speak Russian with him, perhaps because I spent a great deal of time with the doctors during the pregnancy and I had no interpreter at hand. Anyway I liked our life here, especially now that we had AJ.

"Lin, daydreaming becomes your bad habit," Connor’s laughing voice torn me out of my thoughts. "Honey, how are you going to be Senior Data Analyst again if you can’t concentrate?"

"Sorry," I smiled," I’ve just been lost in my thoughts." We left the car and entered the restaurant.

As we were already sitting at the table, I suddenly heard someone cry: "Lindsay, Lindsay Donner." My heart missed a beat: who could know me in this restaurant? Connor was obviously surprised as well; he threw me a quizzical glance. I turned around and saw Harold’s smiling face.

He came closer, exclaiming: "Isn’t it our sweet little interpreter?"

Behind him I could see Edward, a bit confused like always. I knew the rules and so I smiled one of my dazzling smiles: "Oh, Harry, great to see you again. It was so touching to have a personal cleaner!"

Connor chuckled, obviously amused, he must have guessed I was teasing Harold. Harold went red but nevertheless continued.

"It was sweet having you ‘round. Babysitting?" he showed at AJ in my arms.

I shook my head: "Didn’t I tell you I was engaged? It’s my husband, professor doctor Doyle and my daughter, Anne Julia."

Harold was taken aback, looking at Connor’s outstretched hand. Meanwhile Edward asked me: "Are you all right? You disappeared without leaving a trace, Gerard just came back without you."

"It was a hard time," I admitted, remembering my horror at the plant in Archangelsk, "but I survived."

"What are you plans now?" Edward had a great deal of trouble, overcoming his shyness and I sympathized with him just like I did during our sojourn in Rome.

"Take a sit," I invited, smiling. As we sat down at the table, I continued: "Well, we plan to go back to US in December, we’ve got a lot to do there." I cast a sidelong look at Connor and Harold. The latter was feeling ill at ease, talking to Connor. I thought, with a deal of gloat, that now it was his turn to be beyond himself with annoyance.

"I’m glad you’re all right and this husband of yours looks like a nice guy," Edward wavered, not sure whether to continue.

I smiled reassuringly: "Yes, I’m just lucky to have Connor and AJ."

"I hope you don’t think bad of us, me and Harold. He’s not a bad guy, just a bit too unruly," Edward was carefully looking for the words he used.

"You don’t have to apologize, Edward, it’s really all right," I smiled again. "I’ve got two eyes and believe me, I can understand who is who. You and Harold are two different persons, it was clear to me from the day I saw you both. And Harold is quite all right, I can manage."

Edward finally smiled, hearing this: "You’re a dear. By the way, do you know what happened to Gerard? Short after he returned without you to Rome, he just disappeared into thin air."

I shook my hand. Poor Gerard, he underestimated Elsinger, he thought he’d get away with the knowledge Elsinger murdered me. I felt really sorry for him for Gerard wasn’t a bad man, just under the wrong influence. "I’m not quite sure, I guess we’ll never find out," I shrugged. "Anyway whatever happened to him was his own will, nothing can happen again someone’s will."

"Always?" Edward’s eyes attentively watched me.

I saw again the dark plant, a figure in an anorak and slowly nodded: "Always."

From a corner of my eye I saw Connor approaching, annoyed Harold following him.

I smiled: "It was great to meet you both, I’m glad you got to know Connor and AJ."

Harold threw me a look that promised no good, Edward returned my smile and answered: "Yeah, it was really nice. I hope we’ll meet someday in US."

"Take care," I shook their hands, amused at Harold’s uneasiness and watched the both men disappear in the light of the bright afternoon. Then I turned to Connor: "Honey, I’m sorry you had to talk to Harold, he’s not very pleasant I guess."

Connor shrugged, as I thought he would: "He’s all right, just a human."

I laughed against my will: "Connor, you’re the sweetest person I ever met. I love you."

He was a bit surprised but looked pleased: "Whatever made you say this, Lin, thanks. I love you too."

Outside the sun shone bright, unaware of what was going on.

I was packing my bags when the telephone rang. At first I wasn’t sure it was my telephone. I haven’t used it for ages, I thought it wouldn’t work in Russia and so just put it aside, sorry to throw it away. But it was ringing, playing Beethoven, like a message from past. I was uncertain about picking up, on the other hand the number was known only to the team members and therefore there could be no one of particular danger. After some wavering I finally took the phone: "Donner."

"Lindsay, oh God, it’s great to hear from you again!" it was Peter.

"Pete," in a sudden rush of emotions I felt tears appear in my eyes. I thought I’d never hear from him again.

"I thought you were dead," he hurried on, "you answered none of my calls."

"I’m sorry Pete, I just put the mobile phone aside but yesterday AJ must have been playing with it and so she switched it on," I explained.

"AJ?" there was surprise in his voice. "Sorry, I just don’t follow."

"I’m married, Pete and I’ve got a little daughter, Anne Julia. We call her AJ," I smiled, imagining the flabbergasted look Pete had now. He was never good at hiding his emotions.

"But you told me if you’d ever marry it’d be Connor Doyle," said Peter. "Axon, it is Doyle," I waited for his reaction.

"You mean, Connor Doyle is really alive?" now Pete was baffled, if not thunderstruck.

"Yes, he saved my life in Russia, that is where Frank tried to, let’s say, "remove" me."

"Oh, Lin, I can imagine how many things you’ve seen through," there was sympathy in his voice and I knew it was genuine.

"I’m sorry Pete, I made you suffer, I told you so many bad and hurting things," I apologized, "you’ve got my letter, haven’t you?"

"Yes, and to say honestly I was afraid then, afraid I’d never see you again, girl. You gave me a fright. You and that friend of yours," now he was laughing.

"Doyle?" I teased. "However Peter, we’re coming back to US next month, just to take care of our dear chef."

"Frankie boy?" Pete mocked.

"Exactly. You’re not as bad as you pretend to be Axon," I laughed. Everything was the same between us and I was relieved.

"Got to go now, Lin, the bald headed is here," said Peter.

"This is how you respect the Case Manager!" I teased again, then added softly: "See you later, Pete. Thanks for the call."

"Take care honey, best wishes to Connor." Then there was silence.

I thoughtfully put down the phone. It was fate, making such decisions. It just fell out of my bag yesterday and AJ picked it up. She was rather curious and enjoyed grapping things. I let her play with the phone; pretty sure it didn’t work properly. And now Pete’s call. Anyway I was glad he called and I was glad we were coming back. I missed the team and I missed O.S.I.R.

I was so lost in thoughts I didn’t mention the door open and as Connor put his hand on my shoulder, I almost cried out loud.

"Honey, what’s wrong?" he asked, smiling.

"Sorry, Connor, I was so lost in thoughts I didn’t hear you come in," I sighed self - consciously.

"Dreaming ‘bout Peter?" Connor teased. "Should I be jealous of him?"

I shook my hand and perhaps he noticed I was in no mood for joking because he lowered himself to the floor and looked into my eyes. "Everything ok?" he asked in a worried tone.

"Yes," I almost lied but then quickly added, "No, Connor, Pete just called. I’m worried about him, Connor, I know he doesn’t get on well with bald headed and he’s seen through hard times. I wish he were here with us."

"Bald headed?" Connor burst into laughter. "That’s how he shows his respect to a new Case Manager." But then he was again serious: "I don’t think that it’s a good idea to have Peter around. I wish no one should ever be on that damned plant."

"You’re right, it was horrible," I agreed. Then I heard AJ.

"Well, well, well, impatient just like her Mom," Connor teased.

"Really? Am I that bad?" and we again laughed. World was so much brighter when I was with Connor.

Walking through a dark building, my heart beating.

"Lindsay," I turn around but there is no one, only me alone, steps echoing on the floor. And then I see Connor, pale and drawn, pain written on his face.

"Connor," I run over to him, "honey, what’s wrong."

"Lindsay, I’m giving you an order. Leave now!" his voice echoes in the room and I see parasites approaching.

"Leave now!" the words ring in my ears. And then a blast, roaring inferno, taking him away from me.

"Connor, Connor, come back!"

"Lindsay, Lindsay, come on, what’s wrong?" someone put his arms round me, gently shaking. I opened my eyes and looked exactly into Connor’s worried face.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Oh, Connor," I hid my face on his chest and he gently kissed my hair.

"It was the nightmare, the night that used to haunt you, wasn’t it?" he wondered.

I merely nodded.

"I wish I knew what you’ve been through Lindsay, I wish I could wipe all your bad memories, you’d have never suffered," he murmured thoughtfully. "And it was me who made you suffer."

"No, Connor, it was you who made me happy," I protested. "You and AJ."

"I’m glad you’re happy," a faint smile touched his lips. "I hope you’ll always be happy."

And I believed him, closing my eyes at the fate.

We were flying for already three hours and there was still a long way in front of us. "It’s a pity there isn’t any Concorde starting from Russia," said Connor. He was trying to read a paper but obviously had problems concentrating. Of course he is nervous, I thought. Finally everyone saw him die in Archangelsk and I could understand his nervousness.

"It’s all right, besides AJ seems to like flying. Everyone keeps playing with her," I smiled, watching a girl of about fifteen bending over AJ. She was the only baby in the whole plane and everyone considered its duty to play with her.

Connor followed my glance: "Well, for me she seems to take after her mother. Just wait, she’ll grow to be a horror for the guys from all over US."

"Horror?" I chuckled. "It’s great to have some admirers I think."

"This is my wife speaking. I wonder whether you’ll ever stop making eyes," he laughed.

"I could of course, stop but then you stop be jealous and I like to have you jealous," I jumped from the chair because Connor bent over, laughing and trying to tickle me. The rest of the journey I’ve been trying my best to keep Connor laughing. I was also nervous but firstly I always managed to hide my feeling and secondly I never bent under the weight of responsibility, I just took everything easy. Finally we landed. It was a strange feeling: the same airport, the same building. Almost a year ago I fled, desperate and lonely, chased by Elsinger. Now I stood in the same hall but so much was different! There was AJ sleeping peacefully in my arms and there was Connor on my side. I didn’t want it different.

"Game started," was Connor’s comment.

I nodded: "And we’re ready to face the dragon."

In thirty minutes Connor bent into the parkway and turned off the ignition.

"Here we are, Lin, nothing’s changed," he said. I was already out of the car, taking out the key of my bag. The key I thought I’d never again use. However, it was all the same.

I took out the post out of the box and turned to Connor: "Oh, God they’re stupid! I wonder how I’ll ever be able to read this letters; they just threw the letters in until the latter’ve got jammed, wet with rain. I hope that at least no one broke in."

There were no traces of burglars in the rooms; everything was as quite as it used to be. It was our house now, Connor’s and mine. And of course AJ’s.

The next few days we spent cleaning and decorating the house. There were a lot of things to be done, a lot to be bought and both Connor and me enjoyed the fuss. AJ seemed to be quite content as well: she spent most of the time sleeping but when she was awake, she liked to play with the physical equipment I got at home. We laughed at her attempts and I wondered out loud whether AJ was going to be like Peter. And then I called him.

"Axon," Pete’s voice was the same.

"Peter, it’s me," I said. He recognized me immediately. Should it be different?

"Hi, great to hear from you! Still in Russia?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

There was a brief silence on the other side of the wire and then came the words I’ve been waiting for: "May I come along?"

I grinned: "Sure, any time you wish."

In fifteen minutes he was standing in front of my door. As I opened, we didn’t move for some time, just looking at each other. He almost didn’t change, just aged a bit and I could see sadness deep in his eyes, sadness that started to dissolve as he saw me.

"Is it really you?" he finally asked.

"You don’t believe in ghosts, Axon, do you?" I repeated the words once told me by Connor. He shook his head and in the next moment we were hugging each other.

"Lindsay, stupid, stupid little Lindsay! Why did you run away? Why didn’t you let me help?" he asked, holding me at arms’ length and smiling.

"I don’t know," I admitted. "Well, I hurt you and I thought you’d never forgive. You know there are a lot of reasons, there was a wall we built, you and me and it wasn’t that easy to break it..."

"Neither for you, nor for me," finished Peter. "Oh, Lin, I understood how important you were to me as you were gone and I found the letter."

We drew apart as Peter saw Connor. I watched the two men and I knew they both had to admit they were wrong that night on the plant. That was the only way for them to become friends again. Connor was the first to speak. Born leader, I thought again, faintly smiling.

"I’m sorry, Peter," he said.

Peter didn’t move, just waiting for him to continue. "I should have trusted you, I should have told you earlier what was on. So that Lindsay," for a while his glance, full of tenderness lingered on me," wouldn’t blame you for my death. It’s not you who was guilty, it was me. The whole affair had nothing to do with you; it was my business – Elsinger’s and mine. I’m sorry you suffered," he finished, his attentive blue – gray eyes watching Peter.

The latter still didn’t say a word.

Then he suddenly grinned: "At least, Frankie boy wasn’t bored." He thrust out his hand: "Friends?"

And both man laughed, as they shook each other’s hands. I was so happy, having both Peter and Connor here, laughing and joking.

And then I noticed a woman, standing in the doorway.

I walked up to her: "Lindsay Donner. May I help you?"

She smiled somehow self-consciously: "So that’s you Peter talked so much about."

I attentively eyed her. I knew that Pete had neither sisters nor cousins, perhaps that’s why we missed each other: we were some kind of siblings – Pete a brother I never had and me a sister for him, a sister he always dreamt of having. So she could be only a friend of his.

"Are you Pete’s friend?" I wondered but Peter already interrupted me, like he always did, hugging the woman: "Connor, Lin, it’s my wife, Rachel."

I was the first to speak: "Peter Axon how dare you marry without my consent?"

Both Pete and Rachel looked at me, troubled.

"It’s a joke," I smiled, rushing over to hug both him and his wife. "Congrats, Pete, I’m so glad you married! I always wanted you to be happy."

Peter returned my hug: "Lin, great you know it now. You’re not the only one to boast with a family."

"Perhaps you’ve got kids already?" Connor teased.

Rachel shook her head, laughing: "Just a bit too early: we only married three months ago."

"Well, we’re not in the Middle Ages," Connor shrugged.

Pete and I exchanged glances and said: "That was mean, Mr. Doyle." "For this mean joke you’ll have to cook a dinner tonight," I finished, grinning wickedly. "Pete however can help you. As for me and Rachel," I put my hand around the shoulders of my new friend, "we’ve got a lot to do, believe me!"

A new life with Connor that was what I always dreamt about and now it seemed to me that all my dreams came true. Of course we went to O.S.I.R. The team was flabbergasted but who wouldn’t? But I had a feeling that everyone was glad to see us. Even Praeger. Perhaps for him Doyle’s arrival meant getting rid of Peter who could get on one’s nerves, perhaps he thought he’d be luckier in another team. However everything went well. Shortly after we came back to O.S.I.R I went to see Anton who now became the head of O.S.I.R instead of Elsinger. He was the one who had to do with Elsinger as the last and therefore I had to talk to him. "Anton," I was facing him across the table, "I wanted to ask you about Frank."

"What do you mean by "asking"?" he pulled up his brows, a thing he usually did while talking.

"I mean it’s not top secret that Elsinger tried to kill both me and Connor. In the same way," I looked into his eyes.

"You know, Lindsay, he just disappeared into thin air, no one could find him. Came and went without any explanation. I thought that it could have something to do with your disappearing but I had no time to ask. Is something wrong?" he asked, a worried expression entering his face. Anton always reminded me of a caring father and I knew he really worried for us so I quickly reassured him that everything was all right: "No, it’s just that we wanted to find him and to make sure he’s thrown out O.S.I.R. It’s already happened and let’s forget this business. I doubt he’d ever come back into our lives."

Oh, how I was wrong! It was another of my mistakes: acting on an impulse and therefore thinking that others do it as well. I wish I knew people better!

The only safe haven was my family. I was so happy with Connor and AJ, happier than I could ever dream of! AJ was growing fast, too fast for my taste and again I wanted to freeze the picture, to stay in one moment for the rest of my life. To me Anne Julia seemed the most perfect child in the world. I think that Connor thought it as well. He loved the child very much and tried to spend with her as much time as possible, which was not easy. Finally one day as we were sitting in AJ’s room and watching her play, he spoke: "Lindsay, I think we both should give up our work at O.S.I.R."

I was too surprised to speak but then exclaimed: "What? We almost died because of this work and now when everything seems perfect and Elsinger’s gone, you want to retreat? I don’t understand it!"

"Lin," he didn’t change his tone, perfectly in control of his emotions. Like always. "Look, I thought of AJ. O.S.I.R is a great place and I love working there but it’s a work that needs too much devotion. It was ideal for a man like me or for a woman like you until we had a family. I think that AJ is too important to leave her for a long time that is why I wrote to a university not far from here. I think that I go teaching."

"Connor, I don’t really know what to say," I watched him with new eyes. Always devoted to the things he loved: at first it was his work, now his family. I lacked this selflessness though I loved him and AJ. But finally Connor was right: we had enough wild goose chasing, we now had a child. Anton would understand. And Peter as well. Now he had Rachel and he could easily imagine why we wanted to return to a normal life. "You’re right, Connor, like always," I answered. "I’ll be very sorry to leave O.S.I.R. but I reckon we don’t have a choice now. Look at this, AJ is only nine months old but she already tells us what we should do. What’s going happen next?"

He laughed: "Lindsay, the day you won’t change a serious matter into a joke will be the day you stop being yourself."

"But you must admit, Mr. Doyle, you married me because I am what I am. Now it’s too late to back up," I teased, perfectly aware of the fact he was a bit confused and enjoying this state.

"Oh, Lindsay," Connor sighed with an exasperated face but his eyes were dancing with hidden laughter.

That day came suddenly and overturned our lives though I thought it was just another Monday morning. I was standing in the kitchen, making toasts for Connor as my four – year old daughter burst into the room: "Mom, look at this! It was lying under the door! But it’s a letter, why is it under the door? And it’s addressed to you and Dad!"

AJ learnt to read half a year ago and was very proud of it, reading everything she could get into her hands. I took the letter from her. How often I wished later on I had just thrown it away! But how could I know I was holding my fate in my hands?

AJ kept hoping around me, while I slide open the envelope. I read, at first not understanding, then thoughtful and turned to my daughter: "AJ, could you please get your Dad?"

"‘Course Mommy," the child rushed up the stairs, scaring our beautiful red cat, Sunny, who sped after her.

I smiled. AJ grew up to a sweet girl, resembling me in every aspect, as Connor said. He often said he now had to look after two Lindsays which wasn’t that easy. But no matter what he said, I knew he was very fond of AJ and wouldn’t have liked to have someone else instead of her. AJ seemed to inherit the best features from both of us. She was a lively, friendly child so that there wasn’t a person who didn’t like her at the first sight. And AJ also liked meeting people, finding friends no matter where she went. But there was another side of her and I, partly amused, partly surprised, found her rather often with Connor at his desk. He showed her schemes and stones and then Peter, Rachel and I had to endure AJ’s endless talks of Bermuda Triangle. When Connor saw mocked reproach in my eyes, he only smiled, obviously pleased with AJ’s interest in this phenomenon. I wondered whether I deserved this happiness, having around people I loved so much and at this moment I had a bad premonition. Something was going to destroy the holy world I created. I wished I knew what.

Connor entered the room, talking to AJ about Sunny. I suppressed a smile: Connor was so serious in every way; even a cat should understand what were right and what wrong. It amused me but I loved his ways. In fact I loved every Connor’s feature.

"Lindsay, darling, what is the fuss about?" he asked; now addressing me. AJ stood a bit aside, watchful gray eyes alert.

"AJ brought this letter, Connor, it wasn’t in the mail box, but under our door," I waited to see his reaction but his expression didn’t change. "Lindsay, may be it’s just a joke," but I saw how attentive he became, reading.

"A ship wrack? In Bermudas? But that’s impossible! We’d have known, we still have friends in O.S.I.R.," I knew the questions were mainly rhetorical but replied: "You know, Connor, it may be a coax. And who is the mysterious friend who wrote it?"

"Well," Connor was again his old self," I’ll let this letter examined so we could know about the "friend"."

He sounded casual but I knew his thoughts were again in Bermuda Triangle, the place that had a strong influence on him.

AJ stared at us: "Are you worried, Daddy?" Sometimes it seemed to me she could read our thoughts because for a little girl of four she asked astonishing questions and was never wrong about the way we felt. Connor stooped down: "No, it’s all right. It’s not your fault. You better go and take Sunny, we’re leaving for the university now and you should be in your kindergarten."

AJ looked at me, unbelieving but I nodded: "Go on, lovey, get ready." She left the room, obviously reluctant.

"Let’s talk about the letter later," I proposed, "after you’ve examined it." Connor smiled: "You sound exactly like AJ. Everything is going to be all right."

I looked into his face and believed him.

I was too absent – minded during the day to concentrate on my work which brought no consolation I so badly required. Finally I called Peter. He was like always delighted to see me and I was sorry to talk to him about my worries but I needed someone to talk to and I knew Connor now was not the right person.

"Pete, we’ve got an anonymous letter today, telling about a wrack in the Bermuda Triangle."

"Sounds like fun," Axon answered unconcerned.

"Pete, what if it’s true? Connor will want to go there, I’m damned sure he’ll do it. To save people," I talked on, while Peter patiently listened. Then he finally said: "And if he goes, what will you do?"

I feared he’d ask this question. I stared out of the window at the green lane in front of the university. Everything was so calm and peaceful. An idyllic I didn’t want to destroy. But it seemed we were not destined for such a life, Connor and me.

And I replied Peter the only right way: "I’ll come with him. I won’t let Connor go away from me any more."

Pete didn’t answer.

In the evening we were sitting at the table and discussing the matter.

"I couldn’t find any finger prints or any other clue," Connor reported. "Looks like we’ve got a really secret matter."

"But I don’t know anything about it," Anton interrupted, "don’t you think I’d know it?"

Connor shrugged: "I don’t know and I’m not quite sure about the whole matter. But I think I should go there."

Rachel looked from me to Peter: "Isn’t it dangerous?"

"You wouldn’t know until you find out," Peter answered.

Catherine turned to Anton: "Anton, I’m not sure whether we should let Connor go. I think it’s only a trick."

Connor only smiled: "Catherine, look, if it’s a trick I’ll find out. If not, it’s worth the lives I could save there."

I felt I had to interfere: "Connor, I don’t know whether it’ll stop you or not, but I’m going to come with you. I won’t let you go there on your own."

Silence fell over the table, no one talked. Until someone from behind talked: "Mommy, where are you going from me?"

I turned around and looked directly into AJ’s gray eyes, filled with tears.

I walked around the house, looking into every room, my heart tightening. Everything was going to be just fine, I reassured myself; I’ll be away for only two weeks. But I couldn’t get rid of a strange spell, a kind of bad premonition. Today we were leaving. No matter how Connor tried to cajole me into staying I firmly put down my feet and there was nothing he could do about it. I think he was glad to have me around but both Connor and me were worried because of AJ. She was petrified as she found out that we were going away and she was staying behind. At first she cried and asked me to take her with us but I tried my best to explain to her that we couldn’t take such a little child with us. I hated to leave Anne Julia behind, my heart was bleeding but nothing could be changed. We had to investigate the case and Connor was right that little children just couldn’t join such an expedition.

Now she was downstairs with Peter and Rachel. Connor thought it would be better for AJ to stay with them while we were away and I agreed with him. It was the best place for her and besides Peter adored the child. Now I slowly made my way down the stairs and out of the house.

AJ rushed over to me: "Mommy, please don’t go away. Tell Daddy he should stay here as well."

I looked down at my little daughter and wished I could do as she said. AJ gave up crying, even as a baby she cried seldom, but there was a lost expression in her eyes that I hated. She looked so small and vulnerable but I knew she was able to cope better than I did.

"AJ, darling, we’re only going away for a fortnight," I bent down and picked her up. "

But it feels like eternity. I will miss you so much!" she whispered.

"I’ll miss you too, honey, but we’ll soon be back," I promised. The car was ready. I put down AJ.

As I turned to go, she spoke up again: "And what if not?"

I span around and hugged her: "AJ, remember, no matter where we are and no matter what happens, we will always be together, I’ll always stay you mother and dad your father. I promise I’ll watch over you."

"Good bye, Mummy."

As the car drove away, I could still see her, standing at the gates, Peter holding her hand. Watching me in a way I knew I’d never be able to forget. How could I know I saw her for the last time?

Within two days we were on board of a boat that would bring us to the Bermudas. Connor spent all his time with cards and I did my best to help him but no matter what I did, I kept seeing AJ at the gates, long dark curls blowing in the wind, gray eyes filled with despair.

"Thinking about Anne Julia?" I didn’t notice Connor coming up the deck. "Yes," I admitted. It was no use lying to Connor. "

The same with me. I hope you understand that we only went because we can save lives. If it’s not too late," he was staring ahead of him, seeing something I couldn’t notice.

"I know, honey, I understand. Remember how we went here last time? It was five years ago," I looked up in his face.

"A long time," smiled Connor, "so much changed. And what’s important: changed for the better."

"Oh well, here’s my Mr. Doyle speaking," at this moment my cellular phone rang. "See you later, professor doctor," I gave him a peck on the cheek and went down to talk to Anton. When I returned, Connor was already gone, working in his cabin.

I couldn’t fall asleep this night. There was a storm coming and the sea was already showing the first sign of a thunderstorm.

Finally I fell into a deep and troubled sleep.

My first thought as I woke up was that it was already day. The cabin where I lay was brightly illuminated. But it wasn’t broad daylight; it was another sort of light, somehow artificial, bereft of life. Then I saw a shadow on the deck and understood it was Connor. My first impulse was rush out and so I put on my sneakers and followed the light. Connor was standing on the deck. Hearing me, he turned around and I saw his face, surreal in the blinding light. I didn’t know where we were; the light seemed to fill every single cell, the whole universe. I made my way to Connor and he reached out a hand to help me.

"We finally found it, Lindsay," he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"The end of the world. This light carries all the answers we ever wanted to get," he smiled sadly.

"But I don’t want to stay here, I want to go back home, to AJ," I hoped he didn’t hear fear in my voice. I wasn’t easily scared but this strange light was something different.

"I’m afraid we have no choice, darling," I heard Connor talking, "I don’t think there’s a way back and we ever had another choice as to come here."

The light became brighter and Connor was dissolving in it. Pictures from past were quickly changing each other in front of my eyes. My first day at O.S.I.R., the first time I saw Connor, the exploding plant and our meeting. Then I saw AJ, gray eyes laughing, smile on her lips. My dear little daughter! I was going to miss her so much!

The last thing I saw were Connor’s lips forming "I love you."

IV. Peter.

I looked down at the letter in my hand. There was no hope any more, not after the four years, neither for him, nor for Sunray. All of a sudden I felt lost, now that I knew I’d never see them again.

He’s been my friend for such a long time, my comrade – in – arms, the man I admired and respected. And he was the most honest and forthright man I ever knew.

Sunray. A smile sprang to my lips as I thought how she’d react if she knew I called her this way. I never dared to do it though I wanted it so much. But then she was a sunray, lighting up everyone’s life, making things easier. This is what she was to me: a younger sister, a sunray, a pretty girl always full of fire and life. She was like this: my Lindsay. She came into my life some years ago: smile playing on her lips, eyes sparkling with hidden laughter. Friendly, outgoing, always ready to help. I knew we’d be friends and we really became thick through the years of our work together. She was always flirty, joking, playing with me but I found out rather soon she didn’t really love me, it was just her way to be nice to people and she always achieved what she wanted. Only when I saw Lindsay’s face after the explosion in Russia I understood she loved Connor, she’d never be able to love someone else. I would have never guessed it; she was as frisky and smiling to him as she was to everyone in O.S.I.R and during our investigations. But on the other side how could I be sure of anyone if I never was sure even of myself? To lose Sunray. It was impossible! She was always there, a safe haven I could turn to when I was troubled. Even during her absence I was sure Lin would come back. And she did, bringing Connor and AJ.

"Peter," she burst into the room, full of life and sunshine and her likeliness to Lindsay was so striking I turned away for a second, not able to hide the tears. The same sweet face only a bit different coloring: bright gray eyes, surrounded by long black lashes, exactly like Lindsay’s but Connor’s dark curly hair.

"Peter," she looked at me with her serious eyes, suddenly very still. "It’s a bad letter, isn’t it?" AJ asked. For her eight years she was an exceptionally bright child and there was no use to hide the truth from her. "Yes," I admitted. "The Bermuda officials found the boat of Connor and Lindsay. There is no trace of them, every attempt to find is useless now." "They will never come back, will they?" AJ looked directly into my eyes. I slowly shook my head.

"I knew it, I knew the day they went away that they will never return again. And they knew it as well, otherwise they wouldn’t let me stay here," she didn’t cry though I would have liked her to do it, it was unusual for a child of her age to stay calm in such a situation. "I only wish I went with them," it was a barely audible whisper but I heard it and my heart sank.

"AJ, please, you must be brave, life still goes on. I also loved them both and I can understand your sorrow but you have to live, it’s exactly what they wanted and that is why they left you here, they wanted that you grow up and continue what they did," I talked on but wasn’t sure whether AJ really listened.

"Looking for truth?" she suddenly asked, throwing me another glance I couldn’t fully understand.

My heart skipped a beat: it was just the way Lindsay used to look. I couldn’t understand it: of course Lindsay and Connor spent a lot of time with the child for they both doted on AJ but she was hardly four years old when they went to the Bermudas and therefore she couldn’t remember them that well. Still I had a feeling she knew very much about them, more than I. And again I was at a loss for words. As Connor and Lindsay left the child in my custody, I was sure I’d cope for AJ was the sweetest and the most outgoing child I knew. But she started to change the day Rachel told her Connor and Lindsay were lost. AJ seemed to have lost interest in everything. She stopped playing dolls, stopped riding her bicycle to visit her friends. She rarely talked. There was no trace of a cheerful child her parents left me and I was deeply troubled by the change. Both Rachel and me tried our best to take care of Anne Julia. Our little daughter Linnet, who was now two years old, seemed to interest AJ but that was only for a short time. She still played with little one, teaching her to draw but I often saw her sitting with this strange expression while Linnet happily chatted. I also couldn’t understand why she spent every evening in the garden, going through maps of Bermuda Triangle. AJ was living in our house, Rachel was quite sure that AJ would feel better in new surroundings and she indeed looked more cheerful for a while but then the apathy returned. AJ went to school and was the best in her class but had no interest in studies. Now as I looked into her face, I couldn’t help comparing her eyes with ice chops, showing no emotion at all. Except for pain.

"AJ, Cooper called. Do you want to go over to him?" I asked.

She nodded and there was some kind of joy on her face. I don’t know why but AJ’s best friend seemed to be Cooper, zoologist from O.S.I.R who walked rather often with Doyle’s former team. Anne Julia could spend hours listening to his stories and talking to him about Bermuda Triangle. Neither of them seemed to bother they were usually talking about the same. Rachel also didn’t understand but she was glad that the child liked someone. I knew she liked AJ, it was simply impossible not to be drawn to this little girl in spite of the fact AJ changed a lot and she suffered that Anne Julia was as remote from her as from any other person who tried to approach her. But she was as grateful to Cooper as I was, understanding AJ needed someone to talk to. So I brought AJ to LQ’s house and watched her running up the stairs and smiling at Cooper who was obviously very glad to see the girl. AJ, I thought silently, can’t you see what you’re doing to me being as reserved as Connor was?

The summer holidays were approaching and Rachel like always talked about the place to go.

"We could go to Hawaii," she proposed, shining," the weather is fine there, we could go for a swim or even dive! Wouldn’t that be great?"

She looked expectantly at AJ and I felt anger because the girl didn’t even move. She was eating her breakfast, a physics book in front of her.

"AJ, Rachel is talking to you," I said sharply but forgot my annoyance the moment she looked at me with her deep gray eyes: "Sorry, I didn’t mean it. Rachel, did I do something wrong?"

My wife gathered our two – year – old daughter in her arms.

"I was talking about the holidays," she said, all joy gone from her face. AJ stood up: "Rachel, I’m sorry, I was so deep in reading that I didn’t hear you talking."

No matter how brusque she sometimes was, she seemed to feel whatever was wrong and I knew she never meant to hurt us.

Then AJ turned to me: "Pete, didn’t you want to go fishing to Miami?"

I looked at Rachel, at a loss for words. I knew AJ wanted to go to the Bermudas and knew that I wouldn’t do it. Her life and the lives of my family were too precious to me to lose them. I’m sorry, AJ, I thought, this time you wouldn’t get what you want.

"No, kiddy," I said, "Rachel proposed Hawaii and I think it sounds great."

There was a pause while Rachel and me watched AJ’s reaction, fearing the worst.

But she shrugged and smiled: "Why not? It’s said to be a great place. Thanks for the breakfast, I’m late for school."

I admired her self-composure but was a bit troubled because it was unusual for a child of her age.

Meanwhile AJ slightly kissed Linnet’s head: "See you later, sweetie."

My daughter smiled contentedly and waved her hand at AJ.

After Anne Julia was gone, Rachel said: "No matter how she behaves while we are around, she seems to be genuinely fond of AJ."

"Yes," I agreed, "that’s what she is, no one seems to understand her to the end."

"She looks with every day more like Lindsay," Rachel added.

I didn’t answer and hoped that Rachel didn’t notice the look of pain entering my face.

AJ came home from school and immediately threw her books into the corner. Then she closed the door and stayed in her room without coming out. As Rachel called me I couldn’t believe it at first but when I came home from O.S.I.R, there was still no answer from behind the closed door.

"AJ," I called, "please come out. Or at least open it so I could come in." Finally I heard the lock and she stood in the doorway, looking at me: "Something’s wrong Peter?"

"Yes," I said firmly, "what happened at school so you spent the day locked in your room?"

"The usual," the girl shrugged, "the teacher called me a liar cause I said my parents are gone. She told me you’re my Dad and Rachel’s my mother and I just pretend I haven’t got parents so that she would feel sorry for me."

"And you?" I asked, thinking that it was time to talk firmly to Miss Jenks. "I didn’t reply, just stayed to the end of the lessons and came home. But I didn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t want to," her gray eyes looked at me accusingly.

And as it happened so often with AJ, I was at a loss for words.

Next morning my first stop was at AJ’s school. Miss Jenks, AJ’s teacher, smiled as she saw me approaching.

"Mr. Axon," she started, "I’m glad you came, I think you should talk to your daughter about her strange fantasies."

"These are no fantasies," I said firmly, "and I remember talking to you about it."

"But I thought you were kidding!" defended Ms Jenks.

"I wasn’t. I told you that Anne Julia’s parents were lost at sea and she still mourns them. And your stupid remarks that she’s a liar makes her deeply unhappy, don’t you see that? This child had to grow up without her mother and father. No matter how hard I try, I can’t replace them and it’s your task to make her feel happy. Not humiliate with talks about something you don’t know or don’t want to know."

Ms. Jenks was silent for a while and when she continued, her voice and the whole manner was apologizing: "Mr. Axon, I’m really sorry. You’re right, I’d have listened better. AJ is a very bright student, you know, she can beat everyone in the class without any visible effort but she’s also a rather complicated girl or I’d rather say, a small grown – up. She doesn’t play with other kids and she skips drawing lessons."

"What?" I asked, surprised, "she skips drawing lessons?"

"Yes," Ms. Jenks nodded, "but I’ve seen her sitting on the bank, sketching something in a small book and believe me, she’s quite a talent. She draws very well but she never shows it."

I became thoughtful: it was strange, usually Anne Julia liked flattery, especially when everyone kept on talking how gifted she was and how well she could do things so keeping her – as Ms. Jenks said – excellent drawing a secret wasn’t typical for her. I had to talk to AJ as soon as possible.

"Thank you very much for you time, Ms. Jenks," I said, "and I’m sorry if I was a bit rude but I’m just worried about AJ."

"It’s all right," the teacher replied," I can understand your feelings."

But as I turned to go she suddenly asked: "Mr. Axon, did she spend her childhood on a beach?"

"No," I shook my head, "she lived in this city all her life except for her babyhood."

"Well, I asked because she usually draws ocean," explained the woman," and she’s quite good at it."

I knew where to find AJ: she was in her favorite spot in the garden and as I approached, I saw her holding a sketch – book.

I thought she didn’t see me and was quite surprised when she said: "Hi, Pete, no need to hide, I won’t bite."

I sat down next to her: "You heard me?"

"I knew you’d come," she looked up at me, "thanks for the attempt to tame the dragon."

"You mean the teacher?" I asked, wondering who could have told AJ about our talk.

"Yes, she behaves in a different way now. At least no more accuses," AJ added.

"You don’t like her?" I pried.

The girl shrugged: "I don’t like a lot of people, there’re only few I like so it’s not surprising."

"Lindsay was different," I said thoughtfully, noticing how attentive now was AJ," she always believed people were good and saw only their good sides."

"But how can you believe in it when your own parents left you?" followed the answer.

"They didn’t do it on purpose," I replied hastily.

"I know, I’m not a little girl but sometimes I wish I were sure they’re dead, you know. I wish I could see their grave. Something that can tell me they really existed and weren’t just a product of my imagination," AJ exclaimed and I thought I saw tears in her eyes.

It was hard to say because AJ never cried. Not that I could remember. "They weren’t," I said gently," I can see you know that. Just have a bit more faith in people, right? You will never learn what this world is if you keep on living in your shell, hating everyone. Just try, I’ll always be there to help you."

As I stood up and left the bank I saw AJ cover her face with her hands.

It would be wrong to say that our conversation had a long – lasting effect on AJ, but I think it changed things a lot. AJ became more cheerful: she wasn’t the way she used to be but the fact that the teacher left her alone and the students admired her skills made her feel better and it had a healing effect on her heart.

Meanwhile I was busy investigating the disappearance of Sunray and Connor. I was Anton’s right hand now and from time to time he told that one day when he’s "too old", I’ll be the one to take over the job, because through the many years in O.S.I.R. I knew the Office better than anyone else. I investigate, using a team but I thought of it as of a private matter and so my investigation was private. And the more I dug, the less I liked the case. Elsinger was always a threat, as long as I remembered him. Now I was quite sure that it was his fault, he deliberately sent Lindsay and Connor to the Bermuda Triangle, so that they died and not only them: he sent there a boat with four people, all not knowing what was lurking in the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. But Elsinger disappeared, nobody could find him. Well, nobody could but that didn’t mean I couldn’t. I wanted to make sure he paid for what he’d done. Even his death wouldn’t bring Connor and Sunray back of course, but I wanted some justice. At least some justice in honor of the fearless investigators. They deserved it. And I wanted to do it for the sake of AJ. I couldn’t watch how she was destroying herself any more, it had to be a way to make her stop mourning. And for that I needed Elsinger.

My first idea was talking to Anton. I always considered him my older friend, who could give advice and besides he was occupying the post of Elsinger. Already for over eight years but I was quite sure he still remembered how Elsinger got out of O.S.I.R. Connor and Sunray were back from Russia shortly after he disappeared but they somehow found him and made sure he’d head a tribunal. But I was sure that by now he was lurking somewhere, unpunished, ruining other person’s lives the way he ruined the lives of Connor and Lindsay. And AJ’s. And partly mine. All this had to find the way out of me, but talking to Anton I found myself unable to tell him what I was thinking.

"Something’s nagging you, isn’t it?" Hendrix finally asked.

"Yes," I nodded, "I’m just thinking how different our lives would be if I’d known from the beginning that Elsinger was behind the show." "That’s what everyone keeps thinking but it’s not "ifs" that determine our lives," Anton said.

"Right again, but that doesn’t make it easier for me. Or for AJ."

"It doesn’t," Anton agreed, "but wouldn’t it be easier to stop going on a wild goose chase? Perhaps it would be better if you stopped mourning Connor and Lindsay, it would help AJ a lot."

I wanted to retort but Anton already spoke on: "Peter, I’m talking as a psychologist, not only as a friend. She needs some peace."

"Right, Anton, if you wish, but nevertheless do tell me everything you know about Elsinger, ok?" I asked.

Hendrix nodded.

However, I didn’t have to look for Elsinger, he found me instead. I was still at the O.S.I.R. when my cell phone ran and I heard hysterical Rachel on the other side of the wire: "Pete, there’s a man in our house, he’s got a gun. And he wants to shoot down the girls."

"Elsinger," I said, guessing who was the visitor.

"That’s what he’s calling himself," replied Rachel, "look, Pete, he’s nuts, he’s quite capable of shooting. And Peter,"

I, already ready to put down the receiver, prickled my ears: "Yes, Rachel."

"He particularly dislikes AJ."

I often heard the expression "blood froze in his veins" but I never really understood it. Now I did. This damned fool was going to shoot my AJ! I couldn’t let it happen. And then I felt guilty: I should have thought about my wife and my daughter first. But AJ was just like her mother: no one, who knew her, was capable of thinking about someone else first, only about her. This thought brought a faint smile on my lips. Nevertheless, there was no time to sit and ponder, I had to save my family. And finally to show Elsinger, that two could also play his game. And this wasn’t just revenge, there was much more.

The door was opened and closed silently, I entered our hall. Then I heard the voices.

"You don’t mean it, do you?" that was Rachel talking.

"I mean it, lady, she’s just like her parents, looking for troubles." Elsinger.

"You should better say "just like me", mister," AJ was sitting with her back to me, frightened Linnet holding her hand. "And I insist you let Rachel and Linnet go, it has nothing to do with them, only two of us, right?"

An eight – year – old speaking!

"Ok, if that’s what you want," Elsinger said lazily, then pointed at my wife and our daughter: "you can go wherever you want. But please don’t call the police, otherwise," he threw a look at the gun in his hand, "your dear AJ will end up exactly like her parents."

Rachel stood up: "I won’t go, I can leave the child alone."

"Come along, darling," I entered the room, "I’ll look after AJ."

Rachel threw me a relieved look, then took Linnet by the hand: "It’s going to be all right, isn’t it, Pete?"

I nodded: "Now go before Frankie changed his mind."

Elsinger looked up: "For a person who’s about to die you’re bold."

"For a person who’s going to end up in an asylum you’re brave as well," retorted AJ before I could open my mouth.

I thought that if glances could kill, Anne Julia would be dead at once.

"Hon, you don’t have to get on his nerves, it could end bad," I warned.

"I don’t care," was the answer," but, Pete, let him pay for what he did."

Elsinger threw her a sidelong glance: "How happens that you’re so much like Lindsay?"

"Perhaps because I’m her daughter?" proposed AJ. "Oh, sorry, was her daughter, she’s dead for four years."

"Get out of here," Elsinger cried out, "why don’t you go?"

"I thought you were about to kill me?" she said.

"Shut up! And get out of here!"

AJ stood up: "Pete, are you sure you can handle this monster?"

"Yes," I replied," I can do it. Thanks for asking, hon."

"You’re welcome," she smiled warmly, "good bye, Mr. Elsinger, I’m sorry our meeting was so short."

The answer was a kind of growl.

"You’d better visit a speech therapist," AJ disappeared in the door with a wicked grin.

I couldn’t help smiling. It was so typical AJ!

Now there were only two of us.

"And now?" I broke the silence. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk," Elsinger replied.

"Scaring the hell out of my wife and my kids?"

"If you mean AJ, she isn’t scared that easily."

"No, I mean Linnet. How dare you just drop in like this?"

"Dear Axon, we had such nice talks as you were about to become Case Manager. I thought you were at least a bit like I am!"

"You must be kidding," I said calmly.

"But you denied this job, cause that meant "betraying" your friends, you weren’t as clever as I am," Elsinger stared thoughtfully ahead of him.

"Surely I am not, I couldn’t watch so many crimes happen," I answered, "why did you let them die?"

"You mean that professor doctor Doyle and his cute wife?"

"Exactly."

"They were too dangerous. Did they really think they could get away with throwing me out of O.S.I.R? But Doyle never seemed to think about it, he saw it as a challenge," he smiled, "now he can challenge fish. Or perhaps flies?"

"Frank, do you think that you can get away with what you did? you’ll end up in a jail as soon as I go to the police."

His eyes narrowed dangerously: "You’ve got the papers, haven’t you?"

I nodded: "Sure as hell."

"And you won’t stop?"

"No, not after you killed them and destroyed the lives of my family."

Elsinger got up: "I guess I’ll achieve nothing, telling I’ll shoot you."

I shook my head.

"I’ll find a way," Frank promised, standing in the doorway, "don’t think I won’t find a weapon."

I stared after him, not knowing what to say.

This night I couldn’t sleep and I was still awake when I received a call from the police. The inspector on the other side of the wire seemed apologizing: "Mr. Axon, I’m sorry to wake you up so late but there’s been an accident and we need you here."

"I’ll come over," I promised.

Within fifteen minutes I was at the police station.

"We need you to identify a corps," the inspector explained, "there was your telephone number in his pocket and so we called you. He’s got no papers with him."

I needed no explanation, I knew who the man was before I threw a look at him.

"Frank Elsinger," I said, turning away.

"Thank you, Mr. Axon, a colleague of yours?" inspector politely inquired.

"Was," I replied. "May I go home now?"

"Of course, you can, thank you for coming."

"Not at all."

Outside in the rain I slowed down my steps. Elsinger was dead, he committed a suicide and now I felt guilty. That was a part of his plan, he wanted that I kept on thinking, it was my fault. And it was. And I knew I had to live now, knowing that Elsinger could still be alive if I behaved in a different way. And Rachel was right: his death didn’t bring back Doyle and Sunray, it only intensified the pain. Frank committed a suicide and it was my fault.

V. Anne Julia

There was Christmas coming. Another Christmas without my parents. Pete didn’t tell me that they wouldn’t ever come back again but somehow I felt it and it filled me with despair. My parents I loved so much! I remember how Christmas used to be with them around: I was only four then but I still remembered every little detail of our life together. I saw the picture: a crispy winter evening, short before sunset when every house and every tree in the street threw long blue shadows on the snow. The air was filled with blue shadows and with the Christmas spirit. And I was going down the street, holding my Dad’s hand. I guess we’ve been out shopping for I could remember holding parcels and a pack of sweets: my Mom never allowed me to eat too much before dinner but my Dad, always so wise and sensible, let me go away with it and used to buy me sweets once we were on our own. I remembered snow crunching under our feet. The sun was hanging in the winter sky like a big orange and I remembered asking Dad whether someone could eat this orange. He laughed and although I couldn’t understand why he was laughing, I joined him because I wanted to be like him in so many ways. We weren’t talking, just walking in silence. Dad was so different from Mom! It was impossible to be silent with her: she was always joking, hugging and tickling me, full of life and laughter. Dad was different: quiet and sensible, with attentive blue – gray eyes. I always wondered whether God my Mom told me about was just like Dad, to me Connor seemed omniscient. We finally reached our house and I ran up the stairs, only to be greeted by Mom, who immediately swooped me up into the air. She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, the woman I worshipped. Even Dad seemed to be different when she was around, he used to smile and even if he stayed serious I could see amusement dancing in his eyes. "Just guess what I cooked!" she asked me, helping to shrug off my coat. "Goodness, that means we again have to go out for dinner!" Connor moaned, though I knew he was joking for as far as I knew my Mom was really good at cooking.

Of course Lindsay couldn’t let this unanswered: "Mr. Doyle, I put some arsenic into your coffee, so I guess you won’t be able to go out anyway." I thought that if Peter was around, she would throw my hat at him but she always behaved different with Dad.

Then she bent to kiss me: "Honey, go and wash your hands. And don’t forget to take Sunny down, he must be starving."

I smiled broadly cause I knew that Sunny would rather be down than waiting in my bedroom upstairs. Lindsay knew this as well, she was again teasing. Nevertheless I ran upstairs.

A tear ran down my cheek. Nothing will ever be the same. Of course Pete and Rachel did the best they could to distract me, I guess someone else would have forgotten the parents and called Rachel "mother" but I just couldn’t. Each time I closed my eyes, I saw them, so young and so vital, the way they’ve been before they went to the Bermudas. I loved Pete and Rachel but I have never been able to forget. I hated mirrors: Peter once told I was my Mom’s copy except that I had the same black curly hair my father had. Each time I looked into the mirror, I saw her, Lindsay Donner, my mother I loved so much that it hurt. I had no close friends: nobody really understood me. They considered Peter and Rachel my parents. Why shouldn’t they? It all happened twelve years ago, the day they shipped away and never returned. The day they went to rescue a ship: one of Elsinger’s tricks, as it turned out. Now Elsinger was gone as well: he committed a suicide but it didn’t bring them back. Neither Mom nor Dad.

"AJ, AJ, do you hear me?" only now I realized I was at school and the whole class was staring at me. The teacher was almost finished with giving us back the composition in English.

"Anne Julia," the teacher repeated, "here’s your work. It was good though the story is not trustworthy. I asked you to write about something that happened, not a fiction. You can’t prove that people disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, it’s a legend."

"It isn’t," I answered firmly.

"Oh, come on, AJ, you’re old enough to stop believing fairy tales."

"Fairy tales?" I exploded, forgetting all Pete’s warnings, forgetting my self - composure. "It was a fairy tale that killed my parents??"

Suddenly I couldn’t stand it any more, none of this: the school, the class, and the teacher.

I stood up: "With all respect, you should better not speak about something you don’t know."

And then I left the room, leaving all of them staring after me. It didn’t matter. They were dead.

"AJ," there was Peter calling but I didn’t get up from the bank. I knew he would come. Then I heard him approaching.

"AJ, why did you run away from school?" there was concern in his voice and I guessed it was not easy to raise me up.

"I don’t owe any explanation to the students or to the teachers, you know," I answered without turning to look at him.

"But you owe one to me," he squatted down in front of me and looked into my face.

I turned away: "I know. But I don’t want to speak about it."

"It has something to do with Lindsay and Connor, doesn’t it?" he asked.

I merely nodded.

"What was wrong this time?"

I could keep silence any longer, I had to tell someone about it: "Pete, she told us to write a non – fiction and then I wrote a story about the Bermuda Triangle, their story. She didn’t understand, she says that it’s fictive. The death of my parents is fictive," and I again burst into tears, unable to hold them back.

Peter hugged me, trying to console: "There’ll be a lot of people like this, AJ, telling you it’s a fiction. The main thing is you believe. You’ll live to become happy, AJ, you’ll marry one day and have children."

"I want none of this," I said firmly.

Peter seemed surprised: "Why not, honey?"

"As soon as I’m old enough to handle on my own I’ll go to Bermudas." Pete had a perplexed expression: "But why? What do you want to find there?"

"I don’t know," I shook my head, "I just know I have to go there. I’ll be able to be with them. Pete, you have to understand, you’re the only one who could ever understand me!"

But this time there was a funny look in his eyes: "You can’t do this, AJ, please. I won’t stand losing you just like Lindsay, just like Connor. You have to live if not for you then for them. They wanted that you go on living!"

"But is it living?" I asked quietly. "Waking up in the middle of the night and be sorry you’re not dead? Feeling guilty because you’re alive and they are gone? Continue living when the whole parts of the body don’t want to go on any more? Continue living half dead?"

He didn’t answer anything like I knew he wouldn’t.

We sat in silence until he spoke: "AJ, are you that unhappy? What did we do wrong, me and Rachel?"

"Nothing," I shook my head vigorously, "nothing and it’s none of your fault, believe me. It’s just that I can’t go on living without my parents. I never could and I’ll never be able to do it. I feel so cold and so lonely in this world without them. And you can’t help me, Peter, this time you can’t help."

I saw how his sad eyes and felt sorry for him.

"You know," he sighed finally, "that was exactly what Lindsay said. As Connor was supposed to be dead in Russia."

I turned away to hide the pain in my face, which I knew worried Peter.

In the evening I heard him talking to Rachel: "Listen, darling, we have to do something about it. I don’t know what could distract her! The teacher said she’s got no friends at school and it seems she wants none. It was different as she was a child!"

"Pete, you have seen how she changed as her parents disappeared. She was different five or six years ago just because she kept on hoping. But now there’s no hope, Peter, neither for Connor, nor for Lindsay. You have to face it finally: both you and the child. She has to admit they’re dead, finally burry them."

"You think it’d help?" Peter asked quietly.

"I don’t know," she shook her head, "I don’t know."

"It won’t help," I whispered, "it won’t help."

I ran up the stairs to my room. It wasn’t my house, the house where I used to live with Mom and Dad. That one was sold long ago, after Peter got the letter from the officials. I closed the door and fell into the bed. It wasn’t happening the right way, none of this: I was so different from Mom and still I wanted so much to be like her. But when Peter used to talk about her, he usually described her as "sunny, happy, laughing." And it was exactly the way I remembered her: a sunray, dissolving all the sadness. It was so unfair she was gone!

"AJ!" suddenly I heard a voice and turned around, ready to face either Peter or Rachel or Linnet. But it was none of them: I saw my mother! "Mommy," I rushed over to the figure standing at the window.

"AJ, darling," it was her face, it was her voice. I thought I was going crazy.

"AJ, something is wrong?" she asked me and felt tears filling my eyes. "Mummy, are you really here?"

The ghost or I should rather say some kind of fog was filling the room and I could see a silhouette of a woman in it. Her silhouette.

"AJ, you have to be brave, darling, this is what both me and your father want," she wasn’t talking but somehow I heard her.

"But Mom, I can’t, I love you too much, I don’t want to live without you," I tried hard to manage the tears.

"Lovey, we had to go. You know that a usual life would be wrong for us. But I am sorry I left you behind."

"It’s going to be all right, Mom," I reassured, "I’m going to follow you." "You can’t," there was sadness. Too much sadness.

"Yes, I can’t, I can’t drag on, and I’m just too tired of it! Mom, please take me with you, take me away," I begged.

"I wish I could," a sad smile. She shouldn’t be sad; she should be cheerful like she always was.

"Is something wrong with Peter?" she asked.

"No, Pete’s got nothing to do with it, I need you – you and Dad! I don’t want any surrogate parents while you’re out there, waiting for me." "We’ll meet soon," she said and her voice started to fade away.

"No, don’t go, Mummy, please, don’t go!" I couldn’t hold back tears.

"AJ, what’s wrong?" a voice was asking. Linnet’s voice. "Please wake up, you scared me!"

It took an effort to open my eyes: of course they were standing at my bed, all of them. People who loved me but whom I couldn’t love strong enough. I thought my heart was going to break: it was only a dream! Of course couldn’t be real! But somehow I had a crazy hope.

Peter sat down on my bed: "AJ, do you need something?"

I shook my head. They wouldn’t understand, even Peter wouldn’t so I preferred not to tell them anything. I was going to see my parents and that was all that mattered.

Few weeks later I was walking home from school as I saw Pete’s car coming from around the corner. I sighed. It was really nice of him to take care of me but sometimes I wished I could be just left alone. However, Pete was the only one with whom I could talk about Mom and Dad, at least he seemed to suffer as strongly as I did.

The car stopped and Peter asked: "Young lady, would you let me give you a lift?"

I couldn’t help smiling, getting into the car: "It’s great to have a personal driver."

Peter grinned: "I’ve got new for you, AJ. You’re going to finish high school in two years, what do you think about going to Oxford?"

I didn’t answer, because my mind was racing. Oxford meant nothing to me, I could just as well stay in US but I knew Pete wanted that I had some privacy. One more thing crossed my mind: Mom went to Oxford. That’s why he proposed it. At this moment I wanted to hug Peter, to tell him how sorry I was for being such an impossible child but as I met his gaze, I knew he understood me.

"Thanks, Peter," I whispered, "You can’t imagine how grateful I am."

He only smiled. He knew it.

The two following years seemed to me the longest years of my life. I could hardly wait for the day to come when I could go away to Oxford. Things seemed better to me now and I even stopped grieving the way I did. Now that I knew I was going to a place Mom liked so much I felt elated. I didn’t mind going to school now and I stopped getting on my teachers’ nerves with stories they called "imagined". I have no friends in my class but I didn’t mind it. Linnet, who was already twelve years old, was quite enough for me. I loved her and considered her my younger sister though I did remember who were my parents and didn’t call Rachel "mother" though I knew she’d enjoy it. Both she and Peter were really sweet. I felt sorry I was being so selfish but couldn’t help yearning for the time I spent with my parents. LQ also became my friend. I knew it looked rather strange for someone who didn’t know me well. An elderly man, crazy about his profession, zoology, and me, then a child of barely six years obsessed with my parents and the wish to find them. Nevertheless Coop (I usually called his this way) understood my feelings very good and though he wasn’t good at philosophy, his way to see things was rather unsophisticated, I liked him for this and we were best friends now. I knew I could be considered lucky: the whole O.S.I.R. team loved me. Catherine and Anton were kind of grandparents, Claire also liked me in her special way. I was quite surprised that Mat Praeger, towards whom Peter had a strong dislike, was very nice to me and I liked his daughter Dana. Now she was a grown – up woman in her late twenties, married to a quite charming man. She liked to have me around and I enjoyed the company of an older friend, who never treated as if I were a child. Well, Dana was all right, I wished she could visit me more often. So I was content with my life and sometimes it seemed to me that I started to put pleasant memories between the past that hurt me and the future.

Finally the big day came. We were standing at the airport: Peter, Rachel, Linnet and me. I have already bid farewell to all the others I knew and now it was the immediate turn of my family.

"I’m so sorry you go away," Linnet whined, "nothing will be the same without you!"

I hugged her. I also hated the thought of leaving her behind, I was very fond of my little sister. Rachel watched us, troubled. I knew she was happy I found someone I loved and besides she always feared the rivalry between us.

"AJ, you’ll write to us, won’t you?" Rachel asked.

I nodded: "Surely, Rachel, I’ll miss you all."

Peter brought me to the ladder: "AJ, if you feel bad there, just let me know. You know I’ll do everything to help you, all right?"

"Right, Pete, thanks for everything."

As the plane finally left the ground, I could still see the little group standing below. No matter I was looking towards Oxford, I was sorry I had to go away from Peter and O.S.I.R. They were my only family.

From the instant my plane landed in Britain, I was sure that something wonderful is going to happen. Only as I arrived into a country with a stunning history, I understood what I missed living in US. There two hundred years were a long time but walking down the narrow cobbled streets of Oxford I could see that this time was nothing for the old town. The most buildings here were old and I enjoyed very much wandering around, gazing at the houses I passed. I also liked my life at the university. I didn’t have a room for myself but my mate turned out to be a nice girl, another American visiting the famous British university. Terry, that was the name of my new friend, has been told this was the best university and so as a child of a rich family in Texas she came here to study. I could hardly hide my amusement listening to her but I liked having down – to – earth Terry around, she made me feel better.

I haven’t forgotten my promise to write Peter and so I sent letters every two weeks, describing my life in Oxford and making sure I sounded cheerful. Meanwhile I didn’t have to pretend, I really enjoyed the life at the university. And then my whole life was overturned, because I met him.

I was late for physics and knocking at the door half awaited the displeased voice of Dr. Brown, who disliked students who were not punctual but none of it happened. I carefully slid the door open and saw to my great surprise that there was no teacher in class.

Terry cheerfully waved to me from the front bank, crying out: "AJ, finally! It’s great there’s no teacher around, isn’t it?"

I smiled back but didn’t sit down near Terry. I had still a lot to do and so I sat down at the back of the classroom and within two minutes I was deep in the chemistry book I was reading.

"It must be very interesting," a voice said but it took me some time to realize I wasn’t dreaming.

I looked up and found myself staring into dark – blue eyes of a handsome man I haven’t met before. Now I noticed that it was too quite in the classroom and that everyone was staring at me.

"Hello," I greeted the stranger, "sorry, I didn’t hear you come up."

"It’s all right," he smiled, "never mind. I just wanted to say I’m a new physicist, I only started teaching and I’m going to stay with you until Dr. Brown is again able to teach."

I shrugged: "Great."

Obviously it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, so he turned around and headed his table. The rest of the lesson we talked on about physics but I could feel that I was being watched by our new teacher.

After the lesson I was about to leave the classroom, as he called out: "Wait a minute, we don’t even know each other. I haven’t heard your name."

Reluctantly I stopped, angry that he had a reason to stop me.

He came up to me and stretched out his hand: "Roy Gladstone, nice to meet you."

"Anne Julia Doyle," I answered duly, shaking his hand. "Goodbye, Mr. Gladstone, I’ve got another lectures."

I knew I wasn’t polite but I liked Roy (in my thoughts I couldn’t refer to him as Mr. Gladstone) from the first minute I saw him and I didn’t know how to handle the whole situation. So I left the room, leaving Roy staring after me.

Next day however, as I was walking down the street, I heard him calling my name. I turned around and saw Roy.

"Mr. Gladstone, what are you doing here?" I wanted to sound matter – of – factly but immediately burst into laughter because the phrase sounded too snobbish.

He joined me, and together continued laughing until an elderly woman threw us a strange look.

Laughter still bubbling in my throat, I looked up at Roy as he talked: "Anne Julia, yesterday you ran away before I could even talk to you." "Mr. Gladstone, I…," but I was immediately interrupted.

"Roy," he said.

"AJ," my answer followed, "Anne Julia is a bit too formal."

"OK, AJ, as I can imagine you’re not from England," it was more a statement than a question and I nodded. "How do you like it here?"

"It’s great, I just haven’t seen much of England. But I guess it’s wonderful to live in a country with such a long history," I smiled.

"Did you come here with your parents?" Roy asked.

My parents. The wound I thought was healing was again open, hurting me. If only I were here with them! I think he saw that he had hit a nerve because he tried to change the topic.

Now it was me who interrupted: "I’m sorry, Roy, it’s just that I’m not used to talking about my parents."

"Are they dead?" he carefully inquired.

"I don’t know. I’ve been said they are but I don’t know whether I should believe these talks. Both my father and my mother were scientists, fascinated by mysteries. Then one day they shipped away and never came back."

"I’m sorry," he said, "I think I can understand what you feel. My parents died in a plane crash, together with my elder sister and her husband – to – be. They were already looking forward to their return to England. We spoke on the phone one day and the other day they were gone. All of them. I’ve been only twelve back then."

"Oh," that was all I could manage. I could imagine how I would feel if something happened to Linnet.

Roy’s eyes were sad now: "I guess they call it "guilt of the survivor", at least that’s what the doctors told me. I had to be on this plane but I caught a cold and had to stay. I wished so much I were with them!"

"That’s exactly how I felt all these years. I loved my parents so much!" I explained.

"You know, what I learnt in all these years?" Roy suddenly asked. I shook my head. "Love shouldn’t destroy and it shouldn’t hurt," he said wistfully, "if you really love your parents, this love shouldn’t make your heart ache."

I looked at him, not understanding: "But Roy, I feel hurt. And angry. Angry at myself, angry at them, cause they left me."

"There’ll be a day," he looked up at the sky, "and you’ll understand. Love shouldn’t destroy."

I watched him walking away and wondered what was going to happen next.

Time was flying fast. I was busy with my studies and my new friends so I partly forgot about Roy. We didn’t meet often anyway, I had a feeling he avoided me. It hurt a bit but I didn’t actually care, there was too much to do.

Summer holidays were coming up and I got a letter from Peter who said the team was investigating a case in England and he was going to visit me. I was delighted for it meant seeing not only Peter but Mat, Mia, Claire and perhaps even Coop as well.

Terry was the first to notice my mood changed. Of course she kept on prying me until I told her about Peter’s visit.

"Is he your Dad?" she asked.

"No," I replied, regretting of telling her about the letter.

I didn’t tell anyone except Roy about my parents and I didn’t want to do it even now.

"An uncle?" Terry didn’t give up.

"He’s some kind of a father to me," I finally explained. "My parents were scientists and disappeared during their investigation. I was four years old as it happened and I grew up at Pete’s."

"Oh, that means your father is Dr. Doyle?" Terry’s eyes opened wide. I nodded.

"And what about your mother? What’s her name?" the girl continued. "Lindsay Donner," I answered.

"Donner? Wasn’t her father the famous chemist?"

I smiled involuntarily: "You seem to know quite a bit about my family." "Of course I do! Everyone does! I already wondered why you were so clever. It’s in the genes," she sounded so serious I couldn’t help laughing. "Oh, Terry, you sound as if I were the second Einstein."

She also smiled: "I’m proud having you around, AJ Doyle."

It seemed to me that it’s been centuries ago as I saw Peter for the last time. And I was glad to meet him again. Their arrival was a surprise to me: I was going to my astronomy lecture as I saw Peter in the corridor. He was standing at the window, a wide grin on his face. "Pete," I flung into his outstretched arms, happy to see him.

"Hey, little AJ, I think I should have sent you away earlier, then you’d have been as happy to see each time we met as you’re now," he teased, obviously pleased with my reaction.

"So how are you doing?" he asked, looking searchingly into my face. "Fine, everything is doing just splendid, the students are very friendly, so are the teachers and the town itself is wonderful!" I knew I was already late for astronomy but it didn’t seem important now.

"Shouldn’t you be inside?" Pete nodded in the direction of the door.

I shrugged: "Yes, but it’s not every day that you come around."

"Let’s go together," he proposed, "it’ll do only good to me to find out what’s taught now at the universities."

I grinned and we carefully slid into the room so that the teacher wouldn’t notice. However Mr. Treaping immediately sensed there was something different in the room. He looked directly at Peter: "What are you doing here? You don’t look as a student, Mr. .."

Peter stood up: "Axon, I’m Peter Axon, AJ’s custodian. Mr. Treaping, I’m in England for a short visit and therefore I’ll appreciate if you let me stay here with her."

Mr. Treaping nodded, obviously Pete had a good impression on him: "Where do you work?"

"I’m a physicist, working for O.S.I.R., Office of Scientific Investigation and Research," Peter replied.

"Oh," now my teacher obviously respected Axon.

He didn’t tell him anything else but after the lesson I saw them talk with each other.

"Is this one of you wonderful family?" Terry asked curiously.

I chuckled: "Oh yes, he is. I think if I were a bit more grateful I’d have called him my Dad. Finally I’ve spent my entire life with him. My parents disappeared as I was four years old and from then on I lived with Pete and his wife Rachel. Their daughter Linnet is like a sister to me. I guess I never was the best child, always reminding them who were my parents but nevertheless I like them."

Terry grinned: "Looks like they like you as well, otherwise Mr. Axon wouldn’t make this long way from US to Britain to see you. I think his business is only a disguise."

This remark made me smile. Deep inside I knew that she was right and I was thankful to Peter for his tender care. I felt so safe with him around! But no matter how hard he and Rachel tried, they couldn’t replace Connor and Lindsay. This thought again made me sad. I guessed there was no escape from the past. What did Roy say about love? That it shouldn’t hurt and destroy? Now I seemed to understand better what he wanted to say but still couldn’t agree.

Peter stopped talking and looked over to me. I came up in time to hear Mr. Treaping say: "That sounds very interesting, Mr. Axon. Ms. Doyle also seems to take a fancy in astronomy and she’s quite a talented girl. It’s a pity her parents disappeared. Lindsay Donner was a very bright student, I liked her a lot."

My heart missed a beat: he knew my mother! Of course it couldn’t occur to him that I was Lindsay’s daughter but it was thrilling to know that I was taught by the same teacher as my mother.

"AJ, have you got more lectures?" Peter asked.

"Oh yes, ethics, but I think I can skip it. I’m bored to death anyway," I shrugged, "we’re discussing Kant, it’s a topic I hate."

Peter laughed: "You don’t seem to change, honey, no matter what happens."

"But it’s good this way, isn’t it?" I asked slyly.

"You know how to impress your old friend and how to get the right answers from him," complained Peter to himself, "you can do whatever you want and let it look as if it’s the best for you. And I get no other choice than to agree."

I smiled. Pete always made me smile though I didn’t know how he made it.

We had a lot of fun in Oxford during the three short days the team spent there. I was delighted to see my old friends from O.S.I.R. and they were obviously pleased to spend some time with me. Cooper also came and I spent the whole afternoon teasing him, because he seemed so deep in discussing the different arts of pigeons that lived in Oxford. I laughed a lot and thought that something must have changed. I used to have all these nice people around me all the time but I only understood how happy I am with them after I haven’t seen them for almost a year. It was an important discovery and I did my very best to be what Peter called "old AJ", smiling and content with the whole world.

But the days were over only too soon for me. I had a talk with Peter, before he took the plane.

"Every time I see you, you seem to be more and more like Lindsay," he said thoughtfully as we were sitting in the hall.

I was all ears, like always when someone talked about my parents.

"It’s funny how fast the time flies, it seems only yesterday I get to know her and now I’m sitting here with her grown – up daughter," I didn’t answer, cautious not to disturb him. "I wish they wouldn’t go away, I really miss her and Connor. But it was typically Lindsay, following Connor whenever he went."

I remembered that being little I used to think that God was in many ways like my father. At least Mom seemed to treat him as if he were something different and had some kind of supernatural forces. She believed in him and that’s what I also did. I still believed he could somehow make it back to US, bringing Mom back. That he returned to me. Of course it was stupid to do so.

"AJ, you haven’t been listening," Peter’s voice brought me back to the reality.

"I’m sorry," I said, "I’ve been again daydreaming."

"Rachel will be delighted to have you around, so will Linnet. They really miss you. You could come home during the summer holidays," Pete proposed.

I managed a smile: "That would be good, but I don’t know. I’ve never been quite sure about tomorrow, Pete, you know that."

He nodded: "Of course I do. Take care, AJ, hope to see you soon."

"Good bye, Peter," I hugged him, fighting back the feeling of uneasiness. As the plane took up, I had a premonition, that I won’t see Peter for a long time.

July was coming and I make plans for the holidays. Terry was going home to Texas and I knew she would be delighted to have me as companion. She already invited me to stay over at hers but I refused, not exactly looking forward to meeting new people who would hover over my family and ask a lot of questions. I considered the decision to go to Peter. I smiled thinking how nice it would be to see my family but on the other side there were too many sad memories. And as Roy came up to me, I knew that was the right way to spend my holidays.

"AJ," I was leaving the physics lecture as he suddenly appeared and called out my name.

I turned around: "Roy? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, "please, it’s very important." I looked into his face and saw the pleading blue eyes: "Of course, what’s the matter?"

"Are you free now?" he wondered.

"Yes," I smiled, "it was my last lecture today."

"Then let’s go over to the park," he proposed, "I don’t feel like talking here."

I followed him into the bright summer day, wondering what on Earth would make Roy talk to me in such a mysterious way. Hardly we were sitting on a bank, Roy started: "AJ, I’m sorry I’ve been so touchy last time we met. The reason is I liked you but I wasn’t sure how you react and I just let it be. And there’s one more thing: do you remember me talking about the plane crash, when my parents and my sister died?"

I nodded: "Surely I do! How could I forget such a thing?"

Roy smiled at me gratefully and continued: "Well, I didn’t tell you the whole truth: they died in the Bermuda Triangle. My family was returning from Mexico, my sister was an archaeologist and so was her fiancйe. They were flying not far from the so – called Bermuda Triangle. Then the pilot told something about thick fog coming and they were gone. Forever. No matter how thoroughly the police and the rescuers searched: there was no trace either of the plane or the passengers."

I thought I was dreaming: here I was, sitting next to someone, who had to see through the same horror as me. The past, already starting to float away, was again there with the a surprising clearness that took my breath away.

"A ship wrack? In Bermudas? But that’s impossible! We’d have known, we still have friends in O.S.I.R.," it was my father talking. I didn’t want that they see me and so I stood in the doorway, half hidden by the large door. They decided to go to the Bermuda Triangle, that was finally what interested Dad so much. I also liked him talking about it and watching the expression of mock horror on Mom’s face.

Then the last time I saw them: "AJ, remember, no matter where we are and no matter what happens, we will always be together, I’ll always stay you mother and dad your father. I promise I’ll watch over you."

My mother. I knew she didn’t want to go but she couldn’t leave father alone. I wished I could cry now but there were no tears, just a dull pain deep inside, as if someone were hurting me over and over again.

Roy noticed that I was sad for he didn’t talk.

I looked directly at him: "I wasn’t honest as well. Both my mother and father were scientists, working for O.S.I.R. My Dad was fascinated by the mysteries but most of all he was interested in Bermuda Triangle. And Mom followed him whenever he went. She also liked searching for the answers. One day they got a letter. Later we found out it was just a trick, an old enemy of them wanted to get rid of my parents but they didn’t know it. They went away to rescue a ship that was "lost" in Bermuda Triangle. And they never returned."

Roy didn’t answer and there was silence between us. He was the first to talk then: "Well, that means I’m quite sure you’ll help me."

"Me? An hardly 18 – year – old to help you?" I knew I sounded ironical but Roy didn’t seem to care.

"Yes, with your 18 years you’re clever enough to understand things that most of the teachers here won’t even think of," he looked at me and I thought I could see a touch of tenderness in his eyes. "Look, AJ, during these holidays I’m going to the Bermuda Triangle. I want to investigate the reason of this phenomenon. Your Dad was not the only one who was interested in Bermudas. You know, ever since my family disappeared – I’m not quite sure to call them "killed" – I was eager to find out what mysteries hid this place. I was really obsessed by this idea but I never seemed old enough to travel there. But now I’m a teacher at Oxford, a physicist and now I have a chance to find out what really happened. And be sure I won’t give up till I’ve tried everything possible."

I smiled and saw that his face was immediately overshadowed by suppressed anguish. "You don’t believe me, do you?" he asked.

"No," I said hurriedly, afraid he would misunderstand, "I smiled because I can remember Dad talking exactly like you. He liked his work and though not a physicist did his best to solve the mystery of Bermuda Triangle."

Roy smiled now: "And your Mom?"

"She said exactly what I’m going to say to you: "How can I leave you alone? Are you again going to keep me away from the fun?"" I grinned and saw how every tension left Roy’s face.

"Thanks, AJ," he said earnestly, "you can’t imagine how much your engagement means to me!"

From then on we hardly parted. We made long walks together, discussing our trip and simply talking about the past. Strangely enough Roy was the only person with whom I found out I was able to talk without restraints. I think that was exactly what he felt because he told me a lot about his family, most of all about his sister Robin. To me she sounded like an almighty goodness but I think that was what Roy thought of her. I could understand him well, because Robin was 15 years his senior and spent more time with him than his parents.

"It was horrible, you know, the day she told me she was going away to Mexico and Jacque, her fiancйe, was coming with her. I didn’t want her to go away to this place but she only laughed and said that we’ll see each other in three months," his face was so sad I felt an urge to protect him from these memories. But I couldn’t protect even myself, how could I help him? "You can imagine how devastated I was when I heard about the crash: everything that has ever been dear and important to me was gone. And I’m quite sure you know this crazy hope, hoping day after day they would come back. Going on for 15 years."

"Waking up in the middle of the night, tears flowing down your cheeks because you again dreamt of them but the reality if different," I added quietly.

Roy’s expression softened: "You suffered much as well, didn’t you?"

I nodded: "Yes. They were so happy together and so loving. Everything seemed to be in the best form and then that damned letter."

"You know what?" he suddenly asked. I shook my head and tried to joke: "Sorry, I can’t read your thoughts."

"From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were different from the others. You made me feel alive AJ, the feeling that I thought was lost to me forever. You might be sad sometimes and of course you’ve seen through a lot of misery but you’re too lively, too full of fire to be suppressed by the grief. You’re the only person I know who can cope with problems so well. Believe me, AJ, there’s no one like you."

As I listened I thought again about my mother. Peter used to call her Sunray. Was I really taking after her? My biggest wish was to be exactly the way she was and after Roy’s confession I felt better than I have for years.

"Now listen to me, Roy," I said, "you’re the first person who told me this and I’m grateful for it – more than I can ever express. I’m happy you feel better because of me, I’ll do my best to stay this cheerful, ok?" "Promised?" amused he raised his brows.

I nodded, laughing: "Scout’s word."

It wasn’t hard to write to Peter and tell him I was going to stay over at my friend’s. I didn’t tell the whole truth but I was sure Pete would understand. After all, he was an investigator himself.

So within five weeks we were boarding a plane to Miami. From there we decided to take a speed – boat to the Bermudas. Roy seemed to be as content with his life as he always was but even so I could feel there was something different about him as if this trip gave him more strength. Standing at the deck and looking down into the bottle green water I thought about his words and after a while I could understand his quite well. If only he could free himself!

We were on the boat for already 10 hours as Roy suddenly called: "AJ, come over here!"

I left the book lying on my berth and hurried to the deck. Roy didn’t have to tell me anything, I was already staring ahead of the boat where fog was hiding water.

"No cyclones forecasted?" I asked.

Roy nodded: "We’re there."

So I remained where I was, trying my best to see something in the thickening mist. Soon I couldn’t see Roy, then the fog covered everything. I wasn’t sure now where I was and as I tried to look at my outstretched hand, I saw nothing. All the noises were suddenly gone as well.

"Roy," I cried and heard how every word I told was swallowed by the thick blue darkness. No, it wasn’t quite darkness, I could see what was happening but if darkness meant hiding everything around me then it was obviously dark. And then I saw the light. It was getting brighter and brighter but surprisingly didn’t hurt my eyes. And then I saw my parents. "Finally here," my mother smiled and stretched out her hand, "we’ve been waiting for you."

"I told you she’ll make it," Connor said. I didn’t move, afraid to destroy the illusion.

"Is it really you?" I finally spoke.

"Of course it’s us," Lindsay answered. "Look, darling, we’re here because you need us but also because we can’t go anywhere till you let us go. Your misery holds us here."

I quickly said: "I’m sorry, I didn’t think…"

"It’s all right, AJ, it really is," Connor interrupted, "it’s your decision whether you need us or not. But please mind this: no matter whether we’re here or not, we’ll be watching over you."

"We don’t have much time now," Lindsay added and looked at me: "You’ve changed a lot, little one, you grew up a beautiful woman."

"I don’t want to be that beautiful, I want to be exactly like you," I forced a smile.

"Is it a complement?" Lindsay’s lips twisted into a smile I knew only too well.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"You’re like Lindsay in many ways, darling," Connor said thoughtfully, "but you’ve got a lot of me in you as well. And that is good I think. You couldn’t be better even if we were around all the time."

"You think so?" I could hardly believe my ears. Was I really the kind of girl they wanted me to be? I had to, Connor wouldn’t lie.

"Of course you are, AJ, how could you hesitate even a second we wouldn’t love you?" Lindsay said.

"I guess I was too busy weeping over my lost chances," I admitted," I should have known better."

"It’s never too late to start all over again," Connor proclaimed.

"And this time you’ll cope even better you did before," Lindsay added. "Thanks," I whispered, "that’s exactly what I wanted to hear."

"We’re your parents," Lindsay shrugged.

"And we will always be," Connor completed.

I made a step forward and hugged them. And saw their figures dissolving in the bright light.

"Where am I?" that was the first thought in my head as I woke up and saw a white ceiling. Something must have happened. And then memories came flooding back: I was in Bermuda Triangle with my parents! They were not here, I didn’t expect them to be but where was Roy? What has happened to him? I sat bolt upright and immediately felt someone touch my shoulder.

It was a nurse: "Miss Doyle, you shouldn’t make any quick movements, you’re not that strong now."

"Where’s Roy? Mr. Gladstone?" I asked, trying to hide fear in my voice. "I’m here all right, AJ," at first I heard his voice and then saw him enter the room.

A smile lit up his face: "I’m glad you made it."

I thought he looked somehow different, as if shining from within.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Question after question, typically AJ," Roy laughed and a wave of relief swept over me: we were both alive and feeling well.

The nurse let hold of my shoulder: "I’ll be around when you need me." "Thanks," I smiled, grateful she understood.

"I saw them, AJ, my family," Roy said thoughtfully, sitting down on the bed and taking my hand, "and now I know they’re all right."

"Same with me. And do you know what?" I asked.

He shook his head: "No idea, darling."

"I understood what you wanted to stay, telling that love shouldn’t destroy. It was a happy end in Bermuda Triangle."

"No, AJ, more a happy beginning," Roy replied, taking something out of his bag, "and I’ve got a surprise for you right now."

"There was fog all around me, turning the world around me into a wonderland, all blue. I couldn’t see anything, it was impossible to see further than my outstretched hand. And then something strange happened: I saw a light, not bright and blinding but soft and cozy, filling me with warmth and comfort. I wasn’t afraid of it but then I was never afraid of anything. Behind me I could hear all the noises stop, but I didn’t listen to them because I have already saw them. They were standing hand in hand, young and smiling, just the way they were on the photo I always liked. They stretched out their hands, calling me. I approached them, the world forgotten. It was just the way I always wanted it to be, the way I dreamt of it. It was the right place, the place where I wanted to be all my life. The place where the time stopped and where I could be again with Mummy and Daddy. I looked for the last time at the sky; so blue it hurt my eyes and then stepped into the circle of light to join my parents. I was finally back." I lowered the book. I’d have never thought it’d make me a star: only yesterday I was just another American living abroad and now a famous writer. I wondered how Roy could get my manuscript, I haven’t told him about the book I was writing. It wasn’t actually a book, more a diary where I wrote down facts in a form of a story. I needed to talk to someone and so invented the characters based on the real people I knew. Only the story had a sad ending. Or was it a happy – end? I was not sure about the time spent in the Bermuda triangle. Did I see my parents? Or was it just another dream? I dreamt so much and the dreams became entwined with reality creating a strange world I was living in until Roy came. Here he was, entering the room, so much love in the dark – blue eyes. So dark I sometimes thought they were black.

"The best storyteller," he quoted, eyes dancing with laughter.

"You don’t think I deserve it?" I asked in mocked horror.

"You do," he became serious. "After all you’ve seen through it’s only normal to have a bit of happiness."

"It’s not success making me happy," I smiled, "it’s you."

"I’m glad to hear that. And I’m glad you’re finally through with ghosts from the past."

"I hope Peter saw the book, it was not only me fighting ghosts, Pete as well," I sighed.

Roy sat down on the sofa beside me: "Do you plan to go back to US?" "Not until I’m through with the university," I answered and looking up at him smiled: "Not if you want to stay here."

"What does it mean? You don’t want to leave me behind?" he teased. "You know, I’ve got used to your strange jokes, who else would laugh," I replied.

"Is it only this?" he raised his brows.

"Do you want to hear the truth?" I wondered.

"Why not?" and then he became serious. "Did I manage to melt your heart, Miss Ice Queen?"

"Not only this, thank to your attitude I finally understood my place is here. Not somewhere in Bermuda Triangle or in the past, weeping my parents. I understood now what they wanted me to be," my voice trailed away.

"And you will never run away from me again?"

"Never," I promised. "You’ve got my word. Thank to you I returned to this world with so many wonders! And it was a happy return."

"Hey, AJ, while I live on this Earth there will always be a happy return for you, no matter where you go," Roy smiled. And I believed him.

The End

19 July, 2001,
by Anastasia.

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