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“Just out of interest how did you know?”
“Know?”
“You said you suspected about Connor and I. How?”
“Nothing sinister Peter, I just felt that there was something else going on. You’ve been hurting for too long for it to be simply a matter of a colleague’s death. You never exhibited that behaviour before when we lost team mates, so I assumed there was something you weren’t telling us.”
“And your leap of logic was to assume Connor and I were screwing each other?”
“Not much of a leap as it turns out, besides you were behaving more as if you’d lost a lover than a friend.”
“So now you know. Does it bother you?” Peter stared hard at Matt waiting for the derision he expected from his Case Manager.
“That your bi?” Matt smiled and raked the younger man with an intense stare. “Hell no, what bothers me is that something you couldn’t control is still eating you up inside.”
“So you keep saying, so Sonja kept saying and I’ve tried telling myself for months but you know somehow I just can’t seem to believe it, I can’t help thinking there must have been something I could have done.” Peter downed the rest of the coffee.
“You were wrong about a lot of things Peter.”
“You’re repeating yourself Matt.”
“You bucked me every inch of the way, I didn’t know why you resented me, but it was obvious that you did.”
“No actually not you. I resented that Elsigner manipulated me again, that Connor wasn’t there to point it out and watch my back, that I had no one to turn to and everywhere I went, everyone I spoke to blamed me. It wasn’t easy; your aggression was the only thing I counted on. You were annoyed by the way I did my job, but that’s all I was doing, nothing was personal between you and me. I’m sorry I made your life difficult.”
“Elsinger made my life hell, along with Kelly and Lindsey. We’ve all had a rough road of it, but you,” Matt rubbed his hands over his hair, smoothing it back against his skull. “You were a pain in the arse, but I knew it wasn’t personal and believe it or not I took great comfort in that. I was grateful you’d snarl at me for no other reason than I was a prick.”
Peter laughed, small and bright like quicksilver and Matt joined him. “No argument. Elsinger wants me to see Anton for a couple of sessions and I’m off to Ontario on Monday with Rollins. And you were wrong as well.”
“Now that’s something I’m familiar with, want to enlighten me?”
“I always considered you my friend.” Peter stood and picked up his contract. “I have to go, I’m due down in legal to finish up some paperwork.”
“You want me to come with you?” Matt asked solicitously aware of how difficult things had been.
“No, it’s okay. But thanks, I appreciate the offer Matt.”
“Anytime Peter, and I mean that.” Strangely enough Matt thought to himself he really did mean it. Somehow Peter had tripped that protective urge that so far only his daughter had the power to wield over him, and again found himself praying that when this was all over Axon could see passed the hurt and forgive him for what he was about to do.
~~~****~~~
Alone in his office Matt Praeger opened the drawer of his desk and removed a huge sheaf of papers, stopping at the large black and white shot of Professor Conner Doyle. Dark hair and dark eyes sparked with intelligence and humour even from the austere paper. He was not classically handsome but contained a restrained elegance and beauty an inner fire, and strength showed through. A quiet strength, from the way he talked to the way he held himself. A confidence in his own abilities and intelligence, Matt conceded he was at peace with himself, a euphoria that had eluded him for years.
Doyle’s final act of defiance, not only questioning Elsinger’s orders but directly contradicting them spoke also of a deep rooted sense of righteousness and he could easily see what Peter had seen in the quiet man. Conner became a calming influence, almost a counterbalance to his exuberance and single-mindedness. Did he mind that Peter was bi? Matt thought for long moments and smiled, no, he really didn’t and somehow it made sense. He would always be far too emotive for a woman, no doubt a sensitive and caring lover who would cherish and would always be remembered by his flames, no matter how coolly they burned. But Doyle’s loss had extinguished something vital in the mercurial man. Something that God alone had put there and was now gone. His passion had guttered and died in that gas plant in Russia and he’d hidden the truth from even his dearest friends. Matt wondered idly if his father knew, and if he did would the good family doctor care enough to come and rescue his son.
He was about to put the matter to the test. Sitting up straight in his chair he reached over into the file and retrieved the Bell Island phone number. A soft female voice answered the phone and for a second he considered putting the receiver down. Had it not been for the conversations recently with Anton and Sonja, Matt would never have a year ago considered doing what he was about to do, but his resolve strengthened.
“Yes, hello I’m looking for Dr. Ray Axon.” Matt’s voice was soft as he waited to be connected.
“Dr. Axon, how can I help you?” immediately Matt got the sense of an elderly gent, quiet country doctor with a cardigan and grey hair sitting in large office and a gentle smile, despite his gruff demeanour. Oh yes, Matt could talk to him instinctively, he knew it.
“Dr. Axon, my name’s Matt Praeger, I’m a Case Manager with the OSIR. Your son works for me.”
Silence. “Is he alright?”
“Sir, I don’t mean to intrude, but when was the last time you spoke to Peter?”
“I’ll ask you again, is he alright?” the voice quietened just as Peter’s did when he was angry.
“Yes sir, he’s fine.”
“About a year ago why?”
“Peter recently lost a very dear friend sir, and as his new case manager I’m concerned about his welfare. He’s withdrawing and has come under severe criticism recently over the matter.”
“You mean Conner’s death?”
“You know about their friendship then?” Matt hedged.
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