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“Oh she’s doing well, still a little disoriented and confused but she’ll make it. How are you?”
“Why this sudden interest in my welfare?” Peter downed the scotch in one hit and before he had a chance to put the glass down, a waiter appeared with another.
“I have always been interested in your welfare.”
“Really?” the sarcasm in the tone was scathing and Peter did nothing to hide it. “First Elsinger, then Matt, and Lindsey makes the supreme effort and now you, what’s going on?”
“Ah well I was never good at charades.” Anton said amiably, attempting to diffuse the situation. “I think we all feel bad about how we treated you after Connor died and we’re scared we are loosing you.”
“Oh.” Peter brought the glass to his lips and smiled sadly. “Nice gesture Anton, but it’s too late.”
“Too late for what?”
“To make amends.”
Lindsey followed Matt over to their team and watched the complex play of emotions on the young man. His hair had more silver in it than any of them remembered and there was sadness about the normally expressive eyes and mouth that never existed before.
“It’s never too late.” Anton continued softly.
“Yes Anton it is.” Peter looked up and drained the glass waving the waiter away. “You never stopped to consider, any of you what it was that I lost.”
“Peter?” Lindsey stepped forward tears brimming in her eyes. Gallantly Peter offered a linen handkerchief and dried her eyes.
“Elsinger made me an offer to stay, and as tempting as it may seem, I’ve decided to leave the OSIR. I’ve been offered a chair and I think its time to move on.” Peter pocketed the cloth and turned to look at the three stunned faces. “In light of recent events, I think it’s better for all of us.”
“You can’t leave.” Lindsey protested.
“Watch me. Elsinger is expecting an answer in the morning, my slate is clear and my contract is up so I can be gone by the end of next week.”
“Peter?” Anton interjected. “You said none of us considered what it was that you lost, and that’s probably very true, mostly because you never told us.”
“Oh that’s rich!” Peter laughed sourly. “ I don’t think any of you would have listened even if I told you back then, don’t try to make this my fault Anton. It’s not. I’ve had enough of guilt and of Elsinger’s mind fucks; enough of watching friends die because of them and of being manipulated by the sick bastard. Look I’m sorry, I came because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was wrong and I have no intention of spoiling your party Lindsey.” He stepped away and was caught by Matt’s strong grip.
“I’m asking Peter.”
“Asking what?” Peter angrily shrugged the hand away.
“What did you lose?”
Peter drew a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, a delightful study in rumpled elegance as he look at each of them in turn. “Lindsey lost her best friend, Connor had the ability to make you feel safe and comfortable, you’d call him when you were scared or unable to understand things and for that you loved him. I watched you with him- he centered you and gave you confidence to achieve anything.” Peter spoke directly to Lindsey and then turned his attention to Hendricks. “Anton lost a man who was his leader. The Professor who despite all the situations we faces never failed to maintain a calm, when all else failed we saw his strength and it was ordered and controlled, a true scientist and a peer, am I right?” Peter lifted his chin a little and watched as they both nodded. “You wanted to know what I lost, perhaps all of that. But mostly,” Peter’s voice softened and lost the strident tone, his heartache clear as he finally acknowledged the truth. “I lost the man I love,” his voice cracked slightly before he drew a deep breath and continued a little too calmly. “Connor and I had lived together for four years.”
Lindsey sobbed and sat heavily in the chair as she turned pained eyes on Peter, and Anton looked on in shock.
“I didn’t know you were gay.” Anton whispered.
“No Connor was gay, I’m bi. Or at least I was.”
“Which explains Annie.” Lindsey said softly.
“You knew didn’t you Matt?” Anton asked.
“I suspected.” Matt looked embarrassed.
“Really?” Peter drawled. “Never mind, Connor’s will was settled today and there is no reason for me to stay with the OSIR, if there ever really was. Now if we are finished dissecting my life?”
Matt nodded.
“I’ll go.” He bent down and kissed Lindsey on top of the head. “I’m sorry I never wanted this to happen and you should never have known.”
Donner noticed that when she cupped his gentle face her hand came away wet as he disappeared into the crowd and back out into the cold night air.
~~~***~~~
“Why didn’t you tell me Matt?” Anton asked later that same night over his port and coffee.
“It wasn’t my place to Anton, things between Peter and I are strained enough.”
“But this is more, to lose a lover in such tragic circumstances and be treated the way he was by us is unforgivable.”
“Yes, Anton it is. By the way how much have you had to drink?”
Anton frowned. “Two drinks including the port why?”
“Okay what I’m going to say stays between you and I, I have to know that I have your complete trust on this Anton.”
“Sounds serious. But you have it.”
“It is.”
“Matt.” There was exasperation in the voice as he leaned back.
“There is something not right with the whole Russian mess, too many variables and inconsistencies. Elsinger is a stickler for protocol except when it suits his needs agreed?”
“Yes,” Anton nodded.
“Before Doyle assembled the team, a full team, for a simple crypto zoological assignment, he was given a set of sealed orders from Elsinger.”
“How do you know that?”
“Frank is good but he’s like many in positions of power, aware of only his abilities and not those constructed to safeguard those he rules. There were security tapes of the briefing, tapes that Frank forgot to hide. Not only did he strongly recommend a full team he said something very curious before Doyle left. How many times has he called you by your first name?”
“Rarely.”
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