A Quiet Presence. Part I

Автор:  Ravenschild

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Journal Entry:
“You know Connor, I never thought the night could be so cold or lonely as it is now without you. I didn’t stop to think that being alone would make my skin crawl with the knowledge I may never be warm again. How could I have known? How could I not have known that life would be this cruel? What was it I was supposed to do again? I forget sometimes what it is that you wanted of me.

Oh yes, forgive. I guess you want me to forgive you for leaving me? I really don’t know if I can; you left me no alternative but to go on, have a life, such as it is.

As much as I miss you, sometimes I think you got the easy way out. I have a crushing pain in my chest that I wish would just stop for a moment. If I could go home and not see you in every part of the house, smell your essence in every pore of my skin, then maybe, just maybe I’d be able to sleep and let my dreams take me home. But even sleep evades me and I am left with nothing. With all you have left me, with all that I am capable of being I have nothing now but my work, the rest is hidden, far away and too deep, sometimes I can’t even find me anymore. It should be getting easier Connor, but it’s not, I’ve kept your silence but soon my friend, my love, it will break. I cannot continue as I am without a face to talk to, to share, to know how much I miss you, how much you mean to me still. No one knew Connor, and I have kept your counsel but for how much longer will I be left to offer up hollow platitudes to a God who no longer cares?

My Dad would be so proud. I’ve never been a spiritual man, but lately, well I’ve been down on my knees and I know that it’s not a miracle I seek, just some justification that I can find a reason to believe in life again. My heart died with you in Russia. So many secrets you kept from me, Connor, and my regret? All of it. Not you, I never regretted being with you, but they didn’t even leave me with your body to mourn, there is no closure for me and this wound my love is striking deeper into my heart than you could have imagined.

Elsinger had me back at work within seventy-two hours, and I’m sure he knows about us, he’s playing me like you said he would. Giving me no time, fuelling their anger against me with well placed words and even those I rely on have taken his bait so well. He’s good. Lindsey has done nothing but bitch at me, deriding me personally and professionally for leaving you behind. She thinks I’ve forgotten the jab about Peter Axon boy hero and not being responsible enough to save you, but what was I to do? Does she even stop to consider what I had to do? What I left behind, and even if she didn’t know damn her, why is it impossible to give me a moment to grieve you without being labelled the Judas in their midst? If nothing else she could believe we were friends.

You know I expected more from Anton, he said that Lindsey was transferring her anger to me, that she was incapable of understanding the events that took our dearest blood from us. That it was her feeling of helplessness and that I should in her eyes have done something. Even he said to me it doesn’t matter what he believed it’s what other people believe. Great, support from the resident psychiatrist for the flaky physicist. I don’t think so! Even he blames me. I looked into your eyes and saw that you were dying; I could feel it, sense it and even with your last breath you poured out to me what little love you could give freely in such a place. To stay safe, to get away, to leave you, that you’d cover me and let me escape.

No one ever asked why I did you know. Maybe it was because you never in all the years I knew you never lied, to me. You kept things from me about your past, but you never lied, and I believed you. No other reason, I was shit scared, those parasites were surrounding us and I would gratefully have gone into hell with you but you didn’t want me to die there with you. You saved my life, saved all our lives, and yet still those closest to me are leaving me solely the blame. Perhaps, just this once you were wrong, it would have been better to let me come with you. Anything is preferable to this life you want me to have. Your will was always stronger than mine and no doubt in time I’ll understand what you did, but for now, Connor, even now I resent you for leaving me here to face this alone. Oh God, I miss you Connor.” Matt Praeger looked up from the laptop on Peter’s desk, the silver shot head rested uneasily on the desk as the man sighed softly in his sleep. He’d been worried about his colleague but never understood the reasons for his quicksilver nature. Well not fully, he put it down to exuberance, single-minded hot headedness, but this was not something Praeger should know. Not without Peter telling him face to face and he understood now the dissolution of even their tenuous friendship.

“Lindsey treats you like you’ve got the plague and then I blame you for leaking the information to Kelly, who faked his own death, when it was Lindsey who betrayed me all along.” Matt pinched the bridge of his nose as his thoughts swirled. “You know Peter we were never close friends, but hell I didn’t think we were enemies either, why didn’t you come to me instead of withdrawing from us? Why did you let us keep hurting you?” Preager’s thoughts danced in circles as he rubbed at his face and looked down at the sleeping man again and with as much stealth as his lanky frame could muster left the room and quietly closed the door.

“Matt?” Anton fell into step beside him in the corridor outside of Peter’s office in the OSIR Central Lab. The maze of corridors was never free of people, the human mass moved in an endless stream. The only concession to Peter’s seniority on staff was that he had his own office Elsigner gave him nothing else.

“You got time for a coffee Anton?”

“You need to talk?” Anton quirked one long white eyebrow up and smiled crookedly.

“Yeah.” Matt’s face broke into a broad grin, belying the truth of his concern. Without a backward glance he headed towards the commissary.

~~~***~~~

“I need an assessment.” Matt finally ventured as they sat down with their coffees.

“I wasn’t aware you were on a case at the moment.” Anton sipped and winced as the hot liquid burned his lips.

“I’m not, this is personal, and yes I know it falls outside protocol. If you’d rather I take it elsewhere I’ll understand.” Matt cradled the mug in his hands.

Anton reached out and squeezed the tense shoulder and smiled. “You haven’t told me what the problem is yet. Besides part of my responsibility to the OSIR is to maintain the mental health of the senior personal, both on and off the record.”

Matt breathed a sigh of relief and crossed his long legs under the table. “I have a friend.”

Anton laughed at the trite response and despite his concern Matt found that he too was laughing. “Yeah I know, it sounds incredible, but I do have friends Anton and one I’m really worried about.”

“Go on.”

“Young man, intelligent, normally outgoing, has had a lot of bad things happen to him, friends leave and cause him distress, guilt.”

“Is this someone I know?”

“Perhaps. Nevertheless he’s emersed himself so deeply in his work that the only time I know for sure he sleeps is in his office.”

“Are we talking about Peter?”

“Caught.” Matt nodded guiltily.

“I had noticed. He’s had a lot to come to terms with in the last eighteen months.”

“Doyle’s death in particular?”

“Yes, I guess we all at some point blamed him for not dragging Connor out of the plant, but we understood his reasons and the circumstances. We’re lucky to have only lost Connor, Cooper was critical as well.”

“ I actually took the liberty of reading what was available of the case file, there are some questions but Frank isn’t likely to tell me any time soon.”

“Things still difficult?”

“Always will be while the sonofabitch plays sick games with our lives. He’s worse then the NID boys.”

“You’ve had some experience with the military machine?” Anton waved the waitress over to refill his cup.

“And the Pentagon, and the diplomatic corp. and the Feds, you name it.”

“Criminology is a hard job.”

“No that’s the easy part of the job, it’s the bloody stupidity of those in the know that makes it hard. Send in a team to legitimize one of their experiments that’s gone wrong and bang we end up knee-deep in shit. But that’s not the point Anton, I really am worried about him.”

“Peter is not exhibiting any signs that I can nominate as being peculiar to ninety per cent of the population of this office, so medically there’s nothing I can do. Personally I let him down and I know I should have counseled him when he needed it, but until recently he has been having weekly meetings with Sonja.”

“So he has had some counseling. Don’t suppose you’d know how they went?” Matt grinned.

“Yes, but patient privilege.”

Matt held up a restraining hand, “Yeah I know. Privacy and all that. Is he still going?”

“No. He stopped about 8 weeks ago.”

“Because?”

“Said he was too busy.”

“And Sonja bought that?” Matt looked incredulously across the table.

“No, but without Peter going to see her specifically then she can’t chase him. He needs to seek out help on his own.”

“That’s a crock Anton and you know it. He needs to know we care.” Matt scrubbed his hand through his short receding hair and scanned the room.

“Then maybe you should tell him.” Anton offered.

“It’s not me who needs to let up on him, I’ve always treated him the same way so he has no basis to work with. If I change now he’s likely to slip away even further.”

“Interesting.” Anton smiled. “You’d make an excellent psychiatrist. But you’re right, since Peter and I have made our peace I suspect the major issues lay with Lindsey and Elsinger.”

“Probably, but it doesn’t help right now, Lindsey isn’t about to change her mind and I doubt if Elsinger will be sympathetic.”

“Unfortunately I have to concur. However, you asked for an assessment.”

Matt nodded. “ I have a few theories but I’d rather hear a professional opinion.”

“Go on.”

Matt shook his head. “No I only have theories- I have no empirical data to back it up, it’s not my field.”

“Even without empirical data your theories might hold water. Try me.” Anton prompted gently.

“Okay. My assessment is that Peter will withdraw even further from us till he removes himself from the OSIR completely.”

“You think he has no reason to stay on?”

“Actually I don’t. I read the team files before I took on this job and one thing stood out. Peter was a passionate man, strong willed almost hot headed, a team player most of the time with streak of curiosity about a mile wide.” Matt spread his hands wide. “He doesn’t exactly fit that same profile now, so I can see the change, without my judgement being coloured by Doyle’s death.”

“So what’s different?”

“Anton you’ve noticed the difference probably more than anyone else. If you’re trying to validate your own findings then I understand. He is withdrawn, no longer socialises with his colleagues. Peter is thorough and methodical and his work is flawless. But he is no longer prepared to go that final step. Hell, the passion’s gone Anton. It was there when I first met him, but now.” Matt shrugged.

“Well I concur with your assessment… he is still technically brilliant but frankly the reason he doesn't socialize is because his co-workers have ostracized him.”

“Which is why he is seriously considering the offers he’s been made in the academic community.”

Anton frowned. “I wasn’t aware he’d been looking.”

“People of Peter’s caliber don’t go looking. He’s being hunted, he’s been offered the chair at an Ivy League university.”

“Realistically I think it could be the best thing for him, it would give him the opportunity of a fresh start where he will be revered as opposed to the sentiment surrounding him now.”

Matt narrowed his eyes. “Maybe I should be talking to someone else. You make it sound as if you want him to go as though he is some kind of pariah.”

“Personally I don’t. You asked for an assessment not a critique of my motives. I think Peter needs to reestablish his equilibrium. He is so far off kilter here emotionally that maybe the best thing is for him to take the offer. Ivy League University chairs are incredible job offers, one most of us work for years to obtain.”

“What if he doesn’t have the self esteem to go for it?”

“Are you suggesting that Peter would leave and not take it? Or that he is suicidal?” Anton hadn’t considered that option and guiltily he could see a disturbing pattern emerging.

“ I don’t know Anton. I know he is suffering and that it is affecting him personally. At best he could become a liability to a field team, at worst?” Matt sipped his coffee slowly. “That’s why I’m asking for an assessment.”

“So you want my professional opinion as to whether or not he’s headed for a breakdown?”

“Basically.”

“Okay this is an off the record hypothesis. I would say all things being equal we cannot discount any situation, no matter how distasteful we find it. His personality dictates that he requires validation and vindication of the situation he was placed in, in the face of the circumstances I would suggest there is an underlying reason, one we are not fully aware of. We’ve lost colleagues before, Peter has lost friends before, this could be the linchpin of a bigger problem or it could simply be the proverbial last straw. Either way he is emotionally fragile. If you want it on the record, I can order him into therapy or tests. But if I do we face the very real possibility of him walking away from us completely and compounding the problems.”

“So what do we do?” Matt rubbed at the back of his neck and waved the waitress away.

“We watch and wait. These strong emotions are generally associated with great personal loss, and whilst we were all traumatized by Connor’s death, I didn’t realise that Peter was so close to him.”

“Are you suggesting there was more to their relationship than people thought?” Matt narrowed his eyes.

“It would appear from Peter’s responses that he and Connor were closer than any of us gave credit to. Or that this was the breaking point, that his own guilt is manifested by what we have done to him.”

“Speaking of which perhaps you could talk to Lindsey, get her to lighten up on him a bit.”

“I’ll do what I can.”

Matt smiled. “In the meantime there are a number of things about that mission that are bugging me. I’m going to take another look and see if I can liberate the sealed files.”

“Sealed files?” Anton frowned.

“Most of the case file is sealed. Since I know Frank a little too well, I’ll put my last dollar on it being a set up, but then you know me Anton, I’m paranoid.”

Anton laughed as he watched Matt’s retreating form and worried over his colleague.

~~~***~~~

Frank Elsinger pounded on the closed office door again, and finally turned the handle.

“Axon?” He squinted into the darkened room and watched Peter turn back from the window.

“Yes sir?” he answered tiredly.

“I was not aware we are having a power shortage.” Frank flicked on the light and took a long look at the young man before him. He didn’t seem any different except tired, but then he also knew of the all nighters he had pulled recently.

“Can I help you with something Sir?” Peter ran his hand over his hair and crossed powerful arms across his lean body.

“Actually you can.” Elsinger sat down at the desk and pushed a large legal envelope across.

Peter ran his fingers across the name and shuddered before sitting down he knew what it was, legal had phoned him only an hour before, what surprised him was Elsinger delivering it personally. “I expected a courier to bring it up.”

“In accordance with the OSIR regulations we expedite all matters in relation to legal protocol for our colleagues whom we loose in the field or who have made a living will. Professor Doyle named you as the only beneficiary to his rather sizeable estate. Would you care to explain why?”

Peter schooled his face to impassivity as he stared across the desk. “No sir, I don’t believe I do.”

“None of my business right?” Elsingers voice held an edge of unmistakable menace.

“Precisely.” Peter’s mercurial temperament may have fled him around the others but Elsinger could still send his blood pressure soaring by his mere presence.

“Actually.” Elsingers voice softened. “It’s not, but I am aware that your colleagues have made life difficult for you lately and for that I am sorry.”

“Why? There’s nothing more you could do.” Peter ran his hand across the envelope again; Connor’s unmistakable scrawl marked his name in thick black pen.

“True. However, when were you going to tell me you’d had another offer?”

“Vetting my mail sir?”

“No, your name came up over dinner the other night with some friends. I understand you’ve been offered a lucrative and prestigious position.”

“I’ve been offered several.”

“I’m impressed, your loyalty won’t go unrewarded Peter.”

“Impressed?” Peter scoffed, “Don’t be sir, I just haven’t decided what I want to do. Your considerations are noted but not necessary.” Peter snapped.

“Indeed.” Elsinger stood. “Be that as it may, you will find our offer equally impressive. I only ask that you consider it as well.”

Cooper flung the door open and took a step back, squinting myopically from behind his thick glasses to peer up at the unusual sight of Elsinger outside his office.

“Sorry, I should have knocked.”

“No its alright LQ, Sir was just leaving.” Peter stood and put his jacket on.

“I suggest you take a few days to consider things Dr. Axon, maybe take some time off.” Elsinger added as pushed passed the smaller man.

“What was that all about?”

“Elsigner doing what he does best.” Peter picked up the envelope and pushed it into his laptop bag and zipped it shut.

“Being a bastard? You still on for giving me a lift to the restaurant?”

“Restaurant? Shit, Lindsey’s birthday.”

“Its okay, we’ve got time for you to swing by and pick her up a gift.” LQ offered cheerfully.

“I still have her gift from last year. I won’t be staying.”

“Peter, I may work with bugs, but I’m not blind. She wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want you there.”

“Lindsey is making an effort- I understand and appreciate it. That she has to make the effort tells me I’m really not welcome. Besides I have other things to do.”

“At least stop and have a drink?”

“One drink.” Peter sighed as he turned the light in his office off and locked the door.

“Excellent.”

~~~***~~~

Peter pulled the Corvette into the car park; the long black car hugged the ground like a shadow and all but purred as he switched off the engine.

“Impressive car.” LQ admired as he caressed the dash.

“Yeah, small indulgence.”

“Small?” LQ choked. “You got a side job?”

“No just the one. Had some luck with investments a while ago and this was the dividend. You go on ahead, I’ll be in in a minute.”

“You’re not going to back out are you?”

Peter smiled. “No, I said I’d be there. One drink LQ.”

“Sure.”

He watched the little man go, and realised he was perhaps the only person in the fiasco who he would still consider a friend. Adversity made strange collusion’s and he had no problem in recognising the gentle nature was directed to him more often then not by Cooper. It was a small flame, but one he was grateful for.

He ran his hand across the leather pouch again his heart constricting at the thought of the contents. It was procedure that all people in the OSIR made a video testament to their families in the event of death. He knew that Conner had made one, and he also knew that he was the only heir so to speak to the estate. Sizeable didn’t cover it; the house alone was worth a small fortune and was filled lovingly with antiques and fine furniture from around the world. Along with memories, the one thing they couldn’t put a price on. To see his face again, talking to him left him bereft.

Peter looked up as the headlights of a passing car hit him full force and turned the interior into film noir. He remembered the restaurant, it had been Connor’s favourite and since his death Peter had gone out of his way to avoid it. He wondered casually if Lindsey chose this place on purpose to torture him and then discounted it. He reached into the glove box and pulled out a small delicately wrapped package, inside was a tiny gilt-edge crystal dragon.

It was an open secret that Connor had given Lindsey one every year on her birthday and they had become joint gifts, each one different and often made to order. Peter could no more forget that than he could anything else. Last year he had elected not to come to the party and the cold freeze had grown incrementally.

Peter turned the package over in his hands, uncertain as to the response the gift would get. Would Lindsey consider it a barb thrown at her or would she recognise it for what it was, an endearment that he continued to honour the dead as well as the living.

He jumped as someone rapped on the car window and he looked up into Matt’s smiling face.

“I’m glad you could make it.”

“Don’t get excited Matt, I promised I’d drop by for a drink, nothing more.” He shrugged into his coat and pocketed the gift.

“It’s a start Peter.”

“Or an end. I don’t want to be here.”

“Yeah I know, Lindsey still giving you grief?”

“No more than I give myself.”

“ For what its worth Peter there was nothing you could have done.”

“There is always something I could have done Matt, you weren’t there so with all due respect you have no idea.”

Matt reached out and rubbed Peter across the shoulders as he walked with him. “I, ah, read the case files, Peter.”

Axon stopped. “Why?” his blue grey eyes turning dark.

“Because believe it or not, I have a friend who is still hurting and I’m worried.”

“I won’t be your problem for much longer Matt.”

“Meaning?”

“I’ve had another offer.”

“And you’re taking it?”

“Yes I think I am. So I won’t screw up your cases and you don’t have to worry about carrying dead wood that will betray you.” Peter strode away leaving Matt alone in the car park.

Anton caught up with Matt and frowned.

“Well that went well.” Matt sounded disgusted.

“What happened?”

“I think Peter just resigned.”

“Damn.”

~~~***~~~

It wasn’t so much a restaurant but a private country club, the food of course was exquisite and the oak panelled dining room was filled with familiar faces. Bach played softly in the background from a live chamber orchestra and the birthday girl who handed them a glass of champagne greeted guests.

Lindsey smiled softly when she saw Peter walk in and without preamble made her way directly to him, pushing a glass into his hand.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come.” She smiled sweetly and for a moment Peter relaxed in her company.

“I wasn’t going to.”

“What changed your mind?”

“LQ needed a lift.” He fished in his pocket and pulled out the small package with the hallmark wrapping and placed it in her palm.

Lindsey frowned and with slow reverence opened the gift, unwilling to place it on the table with the rest to be opened later. The tiny crystal dragon was a hatchling newly born from a porcelain egg that was beaded with semi precious jewels and edged in gold.

Tears welled in her eyes as she looked up at him. For a moment he thought she would throw it to the floor, but instead she put it back into the velvet lined box and put it in her pocket before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him on the lips.

“Thank you.” She whispered softly into his ear and was gone.

Peter walked into the steadily growing throng. Ignored by most he held his head high and made his way to the corner suite, where the leather armchairs took residence by the fireplace. He put the still full champagne glass down and was immediately recognised by the Maitre De.

“Dr. Axon.” The man bowed in his tuxedo and offered him a double shot of single malt from a silver tray.

“Hello Robert.”

“It has been a long time, sir. It’s good to see you again.”

Peter managed a soft smile and sipped at the whiskey. “Thank you.”

“Preferential treatment?” Anton asked casually as he watched the Maitre De disappear.

“On occasions. How’s Katherine?”

“Oh she’s doing well, still a little disoriented and confused but she’ll make it. How are you?”

“Why this sudden interest in my welfare?” Peter downed the scotch in one hit and before he had a chance to put the glass down, a waiter appeared with another.

“I have always been interested in your welfare.”

“Really?” the sarcasm in the tone was scathing and Peter did nothing to hide it. “First Elsinger, then Matt, and Lindsey makes the supreme effort and now you, what’s going on?”

“Ah well I was never good at charades.” Anton said amiably, attempting to diffuse the situation. “I think we all feel bad about how we treated you after Connor died and we’re scared we are loosing you.”

“Oh.” Peter brought the glass to his lips and smiled sadly. “Nice gesture Anton, but it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?”

“To make amends.”

Lindsey followed Matt over to their team and watched the complex play of emotions on the young man. His hair had more silver in it than any of them remembered and there was sadness about the normally expressive eyes and mouth that never existed before.

“It’s never too late.” Anton continued softly.

“Yes Anton it is.” Peter looked up and drained the glass waving the waiter away. “You never stopped to consider, any of you what it was that I lost.”

“Peter?” Lindsey stepped forward tears brimming in her eyes. Gallantly Peter offered a linen handkerchief and dried her eyes.

“Elsinger made me an offer to stay, and as tempting as it may seem, I’ve decided to leave the OSIR. I’ve been offered a chair and I think its time to move on.” Peter pocketed the cloth and turned to look at the three stunned faces. “In light of recent events, I think it’s better for all of us.”

“You can’t leave.” Lindsey protested.

“Watch me. Elsinger is expecting an answer in the morning, my slate is clear and my contract is up so I can be gone by the end of next week.”

“Peter?” Anton interjected. “You said none of us considered what it was that you lost, and that’s probably very true, mostly because you never told us.”

“Oh that’s rich!” Peter laughed sourly. “ I don’t think any of you would have listened even if I told you back then, don’t try to make this my fault Anton. It’s not. I’ve had enough of guilt and of Elsinger’s mind fucks; enough of watching friends die because of them and of being manipulated by the sick bastard. Look I’m sorry, I came because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was wrong and I have no intention of spoiling your party Lindsey.” He stepped away and was caught by Matt’s strong grip.

“I’m asking Peter.”

“Asking what?” Peter angrily shrugged the hand away.

“What did you lose?”

Peter drew a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, a delightful study in rumpled elegance as he look at each of them in turn. “Lindsey lost her best friend, Connor had the ability to make you feel safe and comfortable, you’d call him when you were scared or unable to understand things and for that you loved him. I watched you with him- he centered you and gave you confidence to achieve anything.” Peter spoke directly to Lindsey and then turned his attention to Hendricks. “Anton lost a man who was his leader. The Professor who despite all the situations we faces never failed to maintain a calm, when all else failed we saw his strength and it was ordered and controlled, a true scientist and a peer, am I right?” Peter lifted his chin a little and watched as they both nodded. “You wanted to know what I lost, perhaps all of that. But mostly,” Peter’s voice softened and lost the strident tone, his heartache clear as he finally acknowledged the truth. “I lost the man I love,” his voice cracked slightly before he drew a deep breath and continued a little too calmly. “Connor and I had lived together for four years.”

Lindsey sobbed and sat heavily in the chair as she turned pained eyes on Peter, and Anton looked on in shock.

“I didn’t know you were gay.” Anton whispered.

“No Connor was gay, I’m bi. Or at least I was.”

“Which explains Annie.” Lindsey said softly.

“You knew didn’t you Matt?” Anton asked.

“I suspected.” Matt looked embarrassed.

“Really?” Peter drawled. “Never mind, Connor’s will was settled today and there is no reason for me to stay with the OSIR, if there ever really was. Now if we are finished dissecting my life?”

Matt nodded.

“I’ll go.” He bent down and kissed Lindsey on top of the head. “I’m sorry I never wanted this to happen and you should never have known.”

Donner noticed that when she cupped his gentle face her hand came away wet as he disappeared into the crowd and back out into the cold night air.

~~~***~~~

“Why didn’t you tell me Matt?” Anton asked later that same night over his port and coffee.

“It wasn’t my place to Anton, things between Peter and I are strained enough.”

“But this is more, to lose a lover in such tragic circumstances and be treated the way he was by us is unforgivable.”

“Yes, Anton it is. By the way how much have you had to drink?”

Anton frowned. “Two drinks including the port why?”

“Okay what I’m going to say stays between you and I, I have to know that I have your complete trust on this Anton.”

“Sounds serious. But you have it.”

“It is.”

“Matt.” There was exasperation in the voice as he leaned back.

“There is something not right with the whole Russian mess, too many variables and inconsistencies. Elsinger is a stickler for protocol except when it suits his needs agreed?”

“Yes,” Anton nodded.

“Before Doyle assembled the team, a full team, for a simple crypto zoological assignment, he was given a set of sealed orders from Elsinger.”

“How do you know that?”

“Frank is good but he’s like many in positions of power, aware of only his abilities and not those constructed to safeguard those he rules. There were security tapes of the briefing, tapes that Frank forgot to hide. Not only did he strongly recommend a full team he said something very curious before Doyle left. How many times has he called you by your first name?”

“Rarely.”

“Or never but he said and I quote ‘Connor, have a safe trip.’ Not a lot to go on, but it was enough to set off a few alarms. According to the case debriefing you thought Doyle knew more than he was letting on didn’t you?”

Anton nodded. “It seemed odd to me at the time that we were all being sent on a simple assignment.”

“Did he know any of the Russians at the facility?”

“No, but he seemed to be close to the girl Hannah.”

“Yes so I understood from all the reports. Were you aware of his abilities?”

“Abilities?” Anton sat forward his voice growing softer.

“Yes. In the early days all case managers were tested for any psi related abilities. Doyle tested high on precognition.”

“And you tested high on?”

Matt laughed, “Paranoia.”

“Are you?”

“Hey just because they don’t appear to be out to get me doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me. Besides, Elsinger made a peculiar notation to the case file. The team that Peter headed in the aftermath showed no organic traces despite the fact we should have been able to identify not only the myladon and the parasites but there should have been evidence of at least three or four bodies.”

“But there was nothing, as soon as we stabilized Cooper’s condition Peter, Ray and I headed back to the site along with a full forensic team. We found no organic traces at all. The investigation report concluded that the bodies and evidence were vaporised in the explosions.”

“Or that the evidence had been removed prior to the explosion.” Matt added carefully watching Anton’s face. He wanted to trust, to believe but Anton himself had been compromised. Since liberating Katherine he’d taken many months to recover and now only worked at Central Lab in an advisory capacity. Praeger was uncertain as to what Anton had to agree to in order to keep Katherine with him.

“And Elsinger’s note relates to?”

“He closed any further investigations into Doyle’s ‘disappearance’ indefinitely.”

“I assume he thought that the matter was closed and didn’t need to waste resources.”

“Logically that’s what I would assume as well, however about two weeks ago I had lunch with an old buddy of mine who made some curious remarks.”

“Who?”

“A long time ago before I became Case Manager as a favour to Frank I did work for the government. One of my friends is still in the service. He’s an Air Force Colonel with a history of black ops.”

“You were doing Frank a favour?”

“Long long story, but yes, and it’s no longer relevant.”

“So what did he have to say?”

“You know Area 51 is no myth.”

“Yes. I visited there a few years ago.”

“Yeah, so did I. What they didn’t tell you in the tour briefing was that they were experimenting with DNA and genetics. Most of the work had been done with bugs.”

“Bugs?”

“Genetic reconstitution of material to create or recreate a new species, to breed out certain imperfections or weaknesses.”

“We napalmed an area in the Ozark Mountains a couple of years ago because some giant fleas mutated after a meteor broke up in the atmosphere. A lot of people died including a team of NASA scientists and a couple of people from our own team.”

“I read the file. Seems the Area 51 guys are into all sorts of fun things. Including nanite technology.”

Anton’s head snapped up. “Doyle was on a case on SHC in Montana, Peter said that there were nanites in the blood and all samples even the ones in Central Lab were compromised.”

“You see where this is heading. Now some of those experiments included the altering of the DNA of certain leeches, making them aggressive and changing their life cycle so that they could live and breed outside of the host, is this sounding familiar?”

Anton went pale.

“From an outside perspective everything looks fine, unless of course you understand the OSIR protocol’s to expedite matters in order to maintain a situation. If you tilt that glass by a fraction with that knowledge.” Matt smiled.

“You get a different angle.” Anton finished. “Even if Elsinger set us up what can we do about it? What you’re talking about is wholesale manipulation from the government and military.”

“Yes but I strongly suspect that the private sector is also involved, companies like Diginite, and that Elsinger’s records wouldn’t stand up to an audit. It would appear that there is a great deal of backroom politics going on. Kelly was convinced of Elsigner’s guilt over Doyle’s death and several other members of the OSIR. In one of his less drunken fits he claimed that the OSIR was nothing more than a manner to legitimize their cock-ups.”

“Kelly was delusional most of the time Matt-we both know that. However after the Egress assignment it took months before you were aware that I was back, and only then because Rollins got a note to Peter.”

“And since then you’ve elected not to go back out into the field.”

Anton smiled. “I’m getting too old Matt, and now I have Katherine back I really don’t want to wander all over the planet.”

Matt laughed. “Can’t help it if we miss you out there. Still you’re at Central and that’s a help.”

“I’m worried about Peter.”

“So am I, however financially he’ll be fine. Doyle’s will was settled today word is it’s worth millions.”

“Millions?”

“Doyle inherited a large sum when his father died, which he invested wisely. Peter was the only beneficiary.”

“Which means he doesn’t have to work and he probably won’t.” Anton peered over his glasses.

“I know. This day just keeps on giving.” Matt’s smile did not hide his disquiet.

~~~****~~~

Peter sat in the car outside his home long enough that the single occupant inside began to fret. Mrs. McConnell had been with Connor a long time before he came onto the picture. A surrogate grandmother, well maiden aunt maybe, who doubled in the role of housekeeper come secretary, her brother Will came in twice a week to do maintenance work and Peter found he couldn’t let either of them go, despite the fact he didn’t feel he needed to be looked after.

She was a quiet solid presence, not like the memory of Connor who haunted his days and kept him company during the long night, but real and very much the brand that kept him going. He smiled despite himself when she opened the door and did nothing more than stand and wait for him to come inside. Lately it had been her way.

“Peter?” she asked in her soft lilting accent.

“Hi Mrs Mac.” He dropped a kiss onto her cheek and forced a smile onto his overtired features.

“You’ve had a couple of calls.” She handed him the small yellow notes and he squinted. One from Lindsey about the party and the other one from the Dean at Harvard regarding the offer they had formally made.

“I’ve just come from there.” He screwed the note up and threw it towards the bin. “I’ll return this one in the morning.” He hung his coat up in the hall closet and turned to look at her worried features.

“You also have a visitor sir, I’m sorry but he insisted on staying. Said it was quite urgent.”

“Who?” Peter narrowed his eyes as he ran his hand along the leather pouch again. ‘Why don’t they leave me alone so I can be with you?’ Peter thought sourly.

“He said his name was Frank Elsigner.”

Peter made a face, “It’s okay Mrs. Mac where did you put him?”

“In the den, he has the kind of face I don’t trust.”

Peter smiled again at her perception. “Could you make us a pot of tea please?”

“Aye I can, have you had dinner yourself yet?”

“Yes.” Peter lied easily about small things these days. “I ate at Lindsey’s party.”

“Hmm, well I know what party food is like, there is a pot of soup on in the kitchen.”

“Just tea Mrs. Mac.” He kissed her on the top of the head. “I’ll go see to our guest.”

The den was situated towards the back of the house; Connor had always enjoyed the view of the rolling park like grounds that surrounded the huge windows. Elegantly panelled walls complimented the antique timber desk and bookshelves, crammed full of text from the blindingly obscure to the more sedate issues of science journals. In deference to Connor’s naval history a brass ships bell was mounted on the wall, and on the mantle were photo’s of Connor and Peter both in full dress uniform, as well as several informal shots taken by trusted friends over the years. Two high wing backed chairs sat facing the desk. Expecting the evening to be cool Mrs. Mac had the fire already burning gently in the hearth of the marble fireplace and as Peter walked in he saw Elsinger still in his topcoat staring outside into the darkness.

“What are you doing here?” Peter asked with obvious ill humour.

Elsinger turned and smiled, “Bearding the lion in his den.”

Shrugging elegantly Peter took off the constricting tie and opened the top button of his shirt as he sat down behind the desk.

“I would assume that you want something that could not wait till the morning.” His voice a quiet controlled menace, the tiredness and lethargy only adding to its weight. Boredom hung on every syllable and he leaned back studying the man up close. Elsingers face was pale; the spiked light hair looked slightly dishevelled and yet still he stood in his cashmere coat, despite the warmth of the room.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come in in the morning.” Elsinger’s voice had that soft condescending tone that he doled out to menials, the one that totally failed to enrage Axon as it normally did.

“I wasn’t. You gave me a few days off to consider my options remember?”

At last he came to rest in the leather chair and smiled. “Yes I did. I’ve heard disturbing reports that despite the offer we will make you, you’ve decided to leave the OSIR.”

“I see the OSIR grist mill is working overtime to get into your good books Frank. I said I would look at your offer, I never said I would consider it.” Mrs Mac chose that moment to enter with the tea. Staffordshire bone china sat on the tray along with her famous shortbread, milk, sugar, lemon and two cups.

“Shall I pour?” she asked her voice still soft with its Scottish accent.

“No it’s alright, I think we can manage. I won’t be needing you for the rest of the evening Mrs. Mac.” Peter’s smile was gentle and despite the old woman’s frown at Elsinger she acquiesced courteously and repaired from the room.

“Your housekeeper is suspicious of me.” Elsinger laughed as he watched her retreating form.

“As are we all.” Peter poured the tea and offered one to his soon to be ex-boss and one for himself. “You still haven’t told me what you want.”

“Are you always this blunt?” Elsinger took up a piece of lemon and placed it in the cup as he took a bite of the shortbread.

“Only when I have unwelcome guests. With all due respect I am tired and I really don’t see that you and I have a lot to discuss. So what is it you want?”

“You’ll need to come back into Central Lab tomorrow, the legal people have some papers you will need to sign in order to finalize Doyle’s will.”

“You could have rung me for that, besides I already knew. Legal phoned me before you came down to my office. A fact I am sure you were aware of.”

“Alright Peter, truth is we don’t want to lose you. Consider this a peace offering or at least the beginnings of one.”

Peter laughed with ill humour. “Peace? You and I? Oh that’s funny. Let’s see what is it you have to offer? Money? Sorry don’t need that. Job security?” Peter put the cup down on the table and glared at the man in front of him. “Been offered that elsewhere. Take a look around you Frank, I live in a house in Scituate, been offered the chair at Harvard with a long-term contract. Without Connor’s will I have no debts and a good sum of money which allows me to live as I choose, so tell me again what it is you have to offer me?”

“Do you honestly think you’ll be happy teaching Peter?”

“Well now, am I honestly happy with you playing God every time you feel like it and leaving me the blame? No. So lets not concentrate too hard on what we have as being a good thing.” Peter bit into the buttery soft shortbread and smiled cynically.

“Why did you join the OSIR?” Elsinger adopted a different tactic. For years he had believed Axon to be a company man, easily manipulated and able to be controlled. This was not a fight or a side of him he expected and it chastened him to realise he was outmatched for this particular battle.

“Because you offered me something that at the time I was looking for. In retrospect I did it because you guaranteed me the opportunity of rising within the ranks and becoming a case manager. That carrot is no longer tempting.”

“So what do you want?” Elsinger put his cup down and folded his hands across his lap.

“Right now? For you to leave.”

Elsinger stood up. “Then I’ll go, for now. But for the future Peter, what is it you want?”

“All that you wouldn’t understand and that you cannot give.” Peter answered distractedly.

“I understand that you loved Connor, and I miscalculated badly. I can assure you that it won’t happen again.”

Peter closed his eyes for a moment. “I can assure you I won’t give you the opportunity. You can find your own way out.”

~~~****~~~

Matt Praeger paced like a caged animal, his long legs eating up the ground as he went over and over the information that roiled in his brain. Finally he came to a halt, and turned. He knew that Elsinger wouldn’t let Peter go without a fight, however, he needed to make sure Peter stayed safe for the short term and keeping him under wraps at Central Lab was the only sure way he knew.

“Frank.” Praeger shoved open the door, heedless of the protests of Elsinger’s secretary.

“Not that this isn’t a pleasure to see you Matthew, knocking would have been appropriate.” Elsinger waved his secretary away as she hovered behind the lanky case manager. “Since you’re here, what is it you want?” Elsigner pitched his voice softly using the sibilant tone to irritate, as he knew it would.

“We need to discuss Axon.”

“Indeed?” Elsinger steepled his fingers and nodded to the seat. “Why should we need to discuss him?”

Matt fought back the urge to ram his fist down the man’s throat and sat down composing himself. He knew to get what he wanted meant he had to play by Frank’s rules, however distasteful that might be.

“On Friday night Axon made it clear he would be handing in his resignation. Since he’s not been in Central for the last few days I can only assume you’ve accepted it.”

“No, he’s taking some time off to consider his options. I saw him on Friday night as well, he seemed pre-occupied.”

“I see good news travels fast. I won’t even presume that you don’t know what’s going on with him, so let’s make this brief and fast. You need to keep him here at Central, I believe that to allow him into the private sector would be a breach of security.” Matt swallowed the sour lie as he stared Frank down; aware he had given him all the ammunition he needed to keep Peter in situ. He only hoped that he would be able to make at least one thing right that Frank had destroyed, but to do that he needed time.

“Since we are speaking frankly I assure you that we have made him an offer that is more than generous with all the perks he will have at Harvard. The option is his and his alone to take. Perhaps you should look to the dynamics of the team and convince him to stay yourself.”

“Would that I could old friend.” Matt dropped the words that he knew would take Elsinger off guard and watched the man relax. “I’ve spoken to Hendricks and he feels that Axon is exhibiting signs of anhedonia.”

“In simple English Matthew, if you don’t mind.”

“In simple terms, he’s going through the motions, it is a clinical sign of depression. He has no interest in anything, put him in the field and he is mechanically the best, even on occasion brilliant, but outside of that? He doesn’t socialize, he rarely sleeps- which in itself could be dangerous on a case. What happens when all of that anger and energy are no longer directed towards himself but externally?”

“Are you suggesting that Axon is heading for a breakdown?”

Matt looked down at his hands. ‘Forgive me Peter, please’ he begged silently before answering. “Yes, I think it’s possible. We’ve had enough problems with Kelly in the past, how much damage do you think someone like Axon will wreak should he be allowed free voice in his current state?”

“Not a great deal, Matt. I understand your concern but there isn't anything I can do.”

“Okay then try this, Axon’s been offered the chair over at Harvard, respected by his peers, rich, well known and liked in various circles. He comes from a good solid family with no evidence of paranoia or mental health issues. Despite his single mindedness he is rock solid to the community at large. Am I painting a picture for you here Frank?”

Elsinger nodded.

“Take said scientist with an executive position in the OSIR and let him loose on an unsuspecting public. Without evidence his words, his manner and his position are enough to cause wide spread concern. There are things here that even people with top-level security are not allowed access too. And Peter can get the entire establishment under a senate committee indictment by doing nothing more than being there. Is this something we want?”

Elsinger drew a deep breath. “No and I do see the profile you’ve built as being dangerous. But, I don’t buy you finally becoming a company man, what’s this really about Matt?”

Matt laughed. “Saw through me huh? Despite my personal feelings for my team, I have to safeguard the lives of many who rely on their jobs and who believe in what they do.”

“Fits your profile. Alright, lets hypothetically say I buy this company concern, what is it you want from me?”

“Simply find a way to keep Axon here on staff. Give Anton and Sonja time to get him into therapy and establish a drug protocol. Once we’re sure he’s stable then let him go. If the chair at Harvard is serious then they’ll wait a term for him to finalize his contract there.”

“I know the Dean, I’ll talk to him. In the meantime I suggest you and Hendricks visit our wayward scientist.”

Matt rose and headed towards the door ignoring the betrayal of his friend until he could take it out and analyse it in the privacy of his own grief.

~~~****~~~

“While I am certain you have made your decision Dr. Axon, you still have duties to perform here before we can release you from your contract.” Elsinger peered over his glasses at the young man in his office. Peter for his part scowled as he read the documents in his hand and leaned back.

“Such as?” His voice was dead level and calm, a sure sign of an approaching storm.

“If you go to page thirty one of the contract subsection eleven, paragraph six, under the heading of security, ‘the OSIR has the right to retain the services of any person/s who may prove to be a security risk for a period of not more than ninety days and not less than thirty days, until such time as the risk is eliminated or the individual has been sufficiently debriefed as to no longer represent a security concern. Evaluations are to be completed by resident medical and security personal.’ I’ve taken the liberty of assigning you to a debriefing session with Dr. Hendricks at ten am tomorrow morning.”

“Sonofabitch.” Peter breathed quietly.

“I told you before I would not let you go so easily. In the interim, your leave has been cancelled and you’ve been assigned to Rollins’ team in Ontario. You leave on Monday.”

“Expect to hear from my attorneys Frank.” Peter narrowed his eyes, an arctic frostiness overcame him and inadvertently Elsinger shivered in his seat. “If you compromise my new tenure I will take punitive actions and we’ll see how far you get in open court.”

“I doubt it will come to that. I spoke to the President of the University and the board of trustees; John is fully aware of my need to retain you and assures me that your position shall not be compromised in any way.”

“You told him you considered me a security risk?” Peter clenched his hands but otherwise remained impassive.

“No, not at all, only that while we will release you from your contract, we did need to retain your services for no more than three months. You will be available for tenure in the new academic year. He was very solicitous.”

“I’m sure he was, however, you won’t mind if I check?”

“By all means, we are having dinner tonight at the club, perhaps you’d like to join us?”

“I would think, in all likelihood, it would be more realistic to assume hell would freeze over.”

“As you wish. Now, you have your assignment. The interview is over.”

Peter knew that Elsinger would pull a stunt, he had no idea what he hoped to gain by tying him up for the next three months, nor did he care. It was only a matter of time before he left them all behind and after all it would keep him busy. He shrugged his broad shoulders, the thin cotton T-Shirt accentuating the play and ripple of muscles across his back and down his arms.

Praeger smiled to himself, Peter had obviously spent a great deal of time in the gym and buffed up considerably in the last few months. That fact alone gave him hope at least he had found something to be inspired over.

“Hey Pete wait up.” His cultured voice echoed down the corridors and Peter slowed his step.

“Hi Matt.” He said without any enthusiasm and Praeger’s short-lived hope died barren as he saw only anger in the expressive eyes.

“Haven’t seen you around in a while, thought you’d left without saying goodbye.”

Peter stopped, “And just precisely who is there left to say goodbye too Matt? You perhaps? Or Lindsey?”

Praeger put his hand on Peter’s shoulder and stopped him in mid stride. “I am fully aware that you could knock me on my arse without raising a sweat Peter, but I think you and I are overdue for a talk.”

“There is nothing to say.”

“There’s plenty to say and I doubt it should be said in public. My office, now.” It was a command and despite himself Axon found it oddly intriguing and followed silently brooding into Praeger’s domain.

“Look Matt we are not confidants, nor do we have anything to discuss, so I fail to see the point of this little t?te-?-t?te.”

“Elsinger tear strips off you?” Matt enquired as he closed the door and ignored the disgruntled man who flopped in the chair.

“Not so you would notice.” Peter ran a hand over his face and sagged as Matt put a mug of coffee on the table for him and poured himself one.

“So inquiring minds would like to know what’s going on.”

“I’ve resigned.” Peter sighed heavily, “However, Elsinger won’t give in without a fight and has invoked a small clause within the contract to keep me here.”

“For how long?” Matt silently thanked the devious bastard.

“No less than a month no more than three. After that I’m gone.”

“Which university?”

“Harvard.” Peter sipped the coffee and visibly relaxed. Despite his objections to the belated attempt at reconciliation, he was feeling more comfortable as each minute passed. Unconsciously he guessed it was because he no longer had to hide his relationship with Connor and the burden of keeping the best years of his life a secret was gone.

“So why did you keep it a secret?” Matt sat down and crossed his feet on the desk.

“The offer was only formally made two weeks ago, I was still considering it.”

“No Peter, I mean you and Doyle?”

Peter’s face crumpled and for a moment Matt wasn’t sure if he’d get a response or the back of a hand across his face. “Connor thought it better if we kept our relationship discreet.”

“Why?”

“Contrary to popular belief Connor was not ashamed of me, nor I of him. He knew Elsigner would use it against us, to keep one or both of us in line, so we stayed quiet. When we socialized with the team it was always out, never at each other’s homes so it wasn’t that difficult.” Peter stretched his neck.

“If being in a relationship with you made him ashamed then he was a fool, I’m glad that he wasn’t. I can’t help but thinking it bothered you though, didn’t it?”

Peter shot a sharp glance at his colleague the obvious compliment startled him. “So what’s this? Taking lessons from Anton?”

“Not at all, I don’t have the patience for the psycho-babble and bullshit.” Matt laughed softly remembering the psych classes he’d taken. “And you still haven’t answered the question.”

“Yes it bothered me. I despise secrecy but saw the validity of what Connor wanted. It was the only condition on my relationship so it was worth the compromise. Most of the time.”

“It would have made things easier to deal with for you if the others had of known.”

“Would it? In case you missed the mark Matt, Lindsey was in love with Connor, I doubt she even realized herself what she was doing. Besides Elsinger and his cronies would have labelled me as unstable and ordered me into therapy after his death nullifying any chance I would have had to become case manager.”

“Lindsey is definitely a type A, I’ll give you that, and you’re probably right.”

“Just out of interest how did you know?”

“Know?”

“You said you suspected about Connor and I. How?”

“Nothing sinister Peter, I just felt that there was something else going on. You’ve been hurting for too long for it to be simply a matter of a colleague’s death. You never exhibited that behaviour before when we lost team mates, so I assumed there was something you weren’t telling us.”

“And your leap of logic was to assume Connor and I were screwing each other?”

“Not much of a leap as it turns out, besides you were behaving more as if you’d lost a lover than a friend.”

“So now you know. Does it bother you?” Peter stared hard at Matt waiting for the derision he expected from his Case Manager.

“That your bi?” Matt smiled and raked the younger man with an intense stare. “Hell no, what bothers me is that something you couldn’t control is still eating you up inside.”

“So you keep saying, so Sonja kept saying and I’ve tried telling myself for months but you know somehow I just can’t seem to believe it, I can’t help thinking there must have been something I could have done.” Peter downed the rest of the coffee.

“You were wrong about a lot of things Peter.”

“You’re repeating yourself Matt.”

“You bucked me every inch of the way, I didn’t know why you resented me, but it was obvious that you did.”

“No actually not you. I resented that Elsigner manipulated me again, that Connor wasn’t there to point it out and watch my back, that I had no one to turn to and everywhere I went, everyone I spoke to blamed me. It wasn’t easy; your aggression was the only thing I counted on. You were annoyed by the way I did my job, but that’s all I was doing, nothing was personal between you and me. I’m sorry I made your life difficult.”

“Elsinger made my life hell, along with Kelly and Lindsey. We’ve all had a rough road of it, but you,” Matt rubbed his hands over his hair, smoothing it back against his skull. “You were a pain in the arse, but I knew it wasn’t personal and believe it or not I took great comfort in that. I was grateful you’d snarl at me for no other reason than I was a prick.”

Peter laughed, small and bright like quicksilver and Matt joined him. “No argument. Elsinger wants me to see Anton for a couple of sessions and I’m off to Ontario on Monday with Rollins. And you were wrong as well.”

“Now that’s something I’m familiar with, want to enlighten me?”

“I always considered you my friend.” Peter stood and picked up his contract. “I have to go, I’m due down in legal to finish up some paperwork.”

“You want me to come with you?” Matt asked solicitously aware of how difficult things had been.

“No, it’s okay. But thanks, I appreciate the offer Matt.”

“Anytime Peter, and I mean that.” Strangely enough Matt thought to himself he really did mean it. Somehow Peter had tripped that protective urge that so far only his daughter had the power to wield over him, and again found himself praying that when this was all over Axon could see passed the hurt and forgive him for what he was about to do.

~~~****~~~

Alone in his office Matt Praeger opened the drawer of his desk and removed a huge sheaf of papers, stopping at the large black and white shot of Professor Conner Doyle. Dark hair and dark eyes sparked with intelligence and humour even from the austere paper. He was not classically handsome but contained a restrained elegance and beauty an inner fire, and strength showed through. A quiet strength, from the way he talked to the way he held himself. A confidence in his own abilities and intelligence, Matt conceded he was at peace with himself, a euphoria that had eluded him for years.

Doyle’s final act of defiance, not only questioning Elsinger’s orders but directly contradicting them spoke also of a deep rooted sense of righteousness and he could easily see what Peter had seen in the quiet man. Conner became a calming influence, almost a counterbalance to his exuberance and single-mindedness. Did he mind that Peter was bi? Matt thought for long moments and smiled, no, he really didn’t and somehow it made sense. He would always be far too emotive for a woman, no doubt a sensitive and caring lover who would cherish and would always be remembered by his flames, no matter how coolly they burned. But Doyle’s loss had extinguished something vital in the mercurial man. Something that God alone had put there and was now gone. His passion had guttered and died in that gas plant in Russia and he’d hidden the truth from even his dearest friends. Matt wondered idly if his father knew, and if he did would the good family doctor care enough to come and rescue his son.

He was about to put the matter to the test. Sitting up straight in his chair he reached over into the file and retrieved the Bell Island phone number. A soft female voice answered the phone and for a second he considered putting the receiver down. Had it not been for the conversations recently with Anton and Sonja, Matt would never have a year ago considered doing what he was about to do, but his resolve strengthened.

“Yes, hello I’m looking for Dr. Ray Axon.” Matt’s voice was soft as he waited to be connected.

“Dr. Axon, how can I help you?” immediately Matt got the sense of an elderly gent, quiet country doctor with a cardigan and grey hair sitting in large office and a gentle smile, despite his gruff demeanour. Oh yes, Matt could talk to him instinctively, he knew it.

“Dr. Axon, my name’s Matt Praeger, I’m a Case Manager with the OSIR. Your son works for me.”

Silence. “Is he alright?”

“Sir, I don’t mean to intrude, but when was the last time you spoke to Peter?”

“I’ll ask you again, is he alright?” the voice quietened just as Peter’s did when he was angry.

“Yes sir, he’s fine.”

“About a year ago why?”

“Peter recently lost a very dear friend sir, and as his new case manager I’m concerned about his welfare. He’s withdrawing and has come under severe criticism recently over the matter.”

“You mean Conner’s death?”

“You know about their friendship then?” Matt hedged.

“Doyle was a good man and it was clear he and my son were close friends, I was unaware he was having problems. Was Peter in any way responsible for his death?”

“No sir, he wasn’t. There was nothing he could have done to save him, however, it doesn’t make it any easier that others believed he could.”

“Are you suggesting that I come for a visit?” Dr. Axon carefully weighed the odds of the discussion and waited.

“No sir, not at the moment, I have some issues that I need to clear first. Perhaps you could call him, and sir, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention my name.”

There was a rich chuckle from the other end. “I see, well I won’t but I do appreciate your concern for my son, Mr. Praeger. Is there a number you can be contacted at?”

Matt rang off after giving his cell phone number to Ray and drew a deep breath. He wasn’t certain if the old man knew that his son was gay and didn’t think that Peter could handle that particular issue right now. He’d been rejected often enough and loud enough lately that to be cut down by his father could well be the end of him. It was a dangerous game, one he was prepared to play in order to bring Elsinger down and exonerate his friend.

The next call would be easy compared to his recent meddling. He opened the ever-present laptop on his desk and keyed in a secure line. The teleconferencing interfaced opened and he spoke into the comlink.

The phone answered and he spoke directly. “Praeger, Matthew. OSIR Zebra Charlie six three four five.”

“Verifying sir, please hold.” There was a brief pause before the computer-generated voice spoke; Matt drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “How can I connect your call?”

“Kelly, Michael, Baltimore.”

Mike Kelly’s smiling face answered with the usual prompted message. Matt rang off and closed the connection.

~~~****~~~

OSIR Central Lab: Lindsey Donner had had many occasions in her life to regret her actions, most of them, she mused had come about in the last two years. Her pretty features softened as she remembered the cherished gift that Peter had presented her with for her birthday and hoped he would give her another chance.

She’d loved Connor, that much was true, but somewhere she knew he loved another. Lindsey knew that Connor’s lover was everything to him and recalled a conversation over coffee a week before the ill- fated assignment to Russia.

“I never see you with a pretty lady.” Lindsey joked over her coffee as Connor nearly choked on his.

“And I never see you date either.” Conner smirked, it was a lovely expression, rarely seen but full of mischief and delight as she reddened under his intense stare.

“I date, mostly strange men who have difficulty in believing in female equality.”

“Maybe you’re just too strong for them Linds.” Connor put his coffee down and laughed, his voice was always soft, even when he was yelling his head off. Nothing was ever personal; nothing ever was taken to heart. It was as if he could forgive others of anything, but there was a chink in that armour. He would never allow another person to die under his command; it was something he took very seriously.

“Maybe you’ve got a secret lover.” She drew back and his eyes for a moment softened, an almost dream like quality came over his face and he smiled.

“Maybe I do.”

“Damn, and I thought I’d stand a chance.” Lindsey joked before heading out to a briefing. With a deep intake of breath she knocked on the door; it spoke of how far they had come in the last few months. There was a time when she would never have had to knock, knowing full well she’d be welcome. Now she was as uncertain as she had ever been.

“Come.” Peter’s voice sounded hollow from inside the room and Lindsey opened the door and peered inside.

His head was bent down over the desk, broad shoulders hugged by thin cotton as he looked up. For the first time ever she considered him an attractive man, strong and intelligent with a gentleness that would melt any heart.

“Hello Lindsey.” There was no ire in his voice, no derision, only that aching hollow pain that she had helped leave open to wound him as often as she could.

“Peter?” she stepped fully inside and closed the door before she sat opposite him.

“Something up?” he closed the file he was working on and leaned back.

“I came to apologize.” She began and seeing his eyes narrow she held up her hand. “Please let me finish I don’t think I could start again.”

He nodded.

“I was wrong, horribly wrong and wanted someone to blame. I came to realize that it was Elsinger’s doing all along but when you came out without him Peter I broke. I saw the pain in your face, your inability to say the words and how we clung to each other all the way to the hospital with Coop dying at our feet and I couldn’t forgive you for leaving him behind. I can’t forgive myself for leaving him behind.” Tears streamed freely down her face as she spoke quietly.

“It’s okay Linds. How could you have known?” Peter kept all emotion from his voice, freezing her out as she had done to him.

“I did know. I just didn’t want to see.” Resolutely she wiped at her eyes and looked up.

“What?” Peter’s voice became cold and distant and she was intimidated.

“Not that it was you, but I knew Connor had someone he loved very much, we used to tease each other over it.”

“And flirt.” Peter still remained impassive in his chair.

“Yes. But it was harmless, you knew that.”

“Yes I did, but you loved him Lindsey, he gave you what you needed and you lost that, I understand your hurt and your pain.” His hand clutched at his chest. “I had thought we were friends, that you would understand too what Connor asked us both to do. I was wrong.” The first fire of pain in his face, the first anger was the last; he became impassive and resigned as he sat back.

“No, you weren’t, I want us to be okay, for things to be good between us again. Peter please, forgive me.” She pleaded gently.

“They say time heals all wounds Lindsey, but I don’t know if that’s true in this case. What I do know is that I’ll be damned if I suffer another day because of your perceptions or anyone else’s. Elsigner may be playing games to keep me here, but even he will run out of options sooner or later, and I will not look back. I suggest,” His voice dead level and colder than she could have imagined as he bent his head back to his work. “That when you leave you don’t either.”

She sobbed as she stood and reached a hand out, withdrawing it as he treated her with disdain. “Don’t.” he said softly. “And close the door on your way out.”

Anton found her wandering the hallways sobbing almost forty minutes later and with quiet patience took her to his office and after a cup of tea and a blanket she fell asleep on his couch.

“Matt?” Hendrix spoke down the phone line.

“Hey Anton, what’s happening?”

“Do you have a moment to see me?”

“Of course.”

Less than ten minutes later Anton opened Matt’s door and found him standing by the window looking out on the bright clear day.

“So what disaster has befallen us now?” Matt smiled and addressed the elderly doctor.

“Lindsey went to apologize to Peter.”

“How’d it go?” Matt waved Hendricks to the couch and turned around.

“He very quietly told her he wasn’t interested in her apology, that it wasn’t necessary and to leave.”

“You blame him?”

“No.” Anton shook his head. “Not at all in light of the recent events I’m surprised it was so mild. Nevertheless Peter’s always had a great capacity to forgive and get on with the job.”

“I know. Elsigner has pulled a clause in his contract to keep him here for at least a month maybe three. I think it’s time I took your advice.” Matt scratched at his nose.

“Easy Matt, I’m getting old.”

“I had a talk with Peter today, he seemed okay with me, but then I was never involved with the whole mess regarding Doyle. I’ll go hassle him, see if I can buy him dinner.”

“You’re actually going to put your hand in your pocket? Now that I’d like to see.”

“Cute. I don’t think he needs to be left alone. He has been for too long. I know he’s got a dad, how’s the relationship there?”

Anton shrugged. “Strained, when we went to Bell Island it was the first time they’d seen each other in eight years. Something happened to make them estranged.”

“You think Peter told his Dad about Connor?”

“That they were in a relationship? No, I don’t think so. I think the source of the argument was more along the lines of Peter joining the OSIR, I got the distinct impression he would have loved him to be an MD. But it wouldn’t surprise me if he knew. Ray may have been a crotchety old family doctor but he knew his son.”

“Was Peter at ease around him?”

“Yes, actually he was and Ray believed in his ability to save Annie. So there was a lot of respect between them. Why do you ask?”

Matt shrugged again as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I was just wondering how isolated Peter really was. The picture is not at all inviting is it?”

Sadly Anton shook his head. “No, and I don’t think it will get better even when he leaves.”

“Meaning?”

“He won’t seek out new friendships in the new environment, he’ll isolate himself and no one will know how to breach that wall.”

“And as flawed as we are, we are all he’s got. That’s what I thought. Elsinger is sending him up to Ontario on Monday with Rollins. How’s Lindsey doing?”

“Distressed; she was crying for nearly an hour, I’ve given her tea and sympathy along with 5mg diazepam. She’s had a lot to re-evaluate lately but should be fine. Her judgement has been off, we should have realized that after the Kelly incident.”

“Perhaps. I’m finding it hard to have sympathy for her.”

“Yes I know, but we can’t take sides Matt. Each of us has our own guilt and we must deal with it individually. We’ve seen what the pack mentality can do to the individual and realistically; it’s as much Peter’s fault as Lindsey’s. Had we have known we could have helped him; as it was, he cut us out of the loop.”

“With good reason, do you have any idea what Elsinger would have done to him? As it was he manipulated him with the case manager’s job so many times but he could have pulled it from him completely and made him finish the contract, at least this way he stood a chance. I understand that.”

“Yes so do I, but it all comes back to trust.”

“I know. Where does Donohue fit into all of this?”

“Ray? I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“Were they ever close?”

“No actually Ray keeps pretty much to himself, doesn’t like the way Elsinger runs things. You seem to have built up a rapport with him though.”

“As much as anyone can, I’ve got some errands to run Anton, I’ll be on cell if you need me.”

~~~****~~~

Matt pulled a chair out and sat down in one of Charles Streets more upmarket coffee houses the folded napkin with a shamrock drawn on it opened on the table. Kelly was nothing if not theatrical and he smiled, this meeting would be one of the first since he did his Houdini act.

“Hello Matthew.” Kelly drawled as he sat down, his long receding hair pulled into his trademark ponytail.

“Still using the Shamrock Mike? It’s getting old you know.”

“Yes well so are we. I am surprised to have heard from you at all.” Kelly ordered an Irish coffee and his old hound dog eyes sparkled with mischievous delight as he leaned on the table.

“Strange times call for strange friends.” Matt answered as his coffee arrived and took a long drink.

“Life is always strange. I see you need my help.”

“I took care of Lindsey for you, against my better judgement, now it’s time to return the favour.”

“Indeed, I’m intrigued Matthew.”

“Are you? You know somehow Mike I don’t think you are. But, who am I to argue?” Matt’s mobile features quirked upwards into a smile.

“You’ve got some questions about Elsinger?”

“More than you know, in particular his involvement in Doyle’s death.”

“Ah I see Axon is still grieving.”

“You knew?” Matt put the cup down and frowned.

“You seem surprised Matthew. Lindsey, despite my soft spot for her, has put him through hell for the last what is it now? Eighteen months?”

“Soft spot?” Matt laughed. “Only because she’s pretty.”

“You noticed.”

“Hey I’m not dead yet. Besides this is rather complex.”

“Then I suggest you start from the beginning.”

“What I really need to know is this, did Elsinger arrange a retrieval team to be dispatched to the Russian complex, and if so when? What agency provided that team and who was the signatory on the event? Oh yeah and while you’re at it, how long has Elsinger been on the GemCorp payroll and who is funding their gene work? Is it government? If it is, who is the leading dissenting voice currently in the senate?”

“Careful Matthew, I may corrupt you into my line of thinking.”

“Mike, we both know that delusional isn’t in my psych profile, however, there is a probability that Elsinger has been conspiring for sometime without control or sanction from the senate committee. If this is the case, I’m going to bring him down.”

“I’ve tried for years Matthew to fight the establishment. You won’t win.”

“I don’t care about the establishment Mike, this is personal, and I want Elsinger to be a liability to them. I’m sure the NID boys can be creative in his disappearance.”

“I’ll see what I can do. In the meantime you can buy me another coffee.”

Matt smiled. ”Heavy on the Irish?”

“But of course. How’s Axon bearing up?”

“Not good. Anton feels he could be close to a breakdown.”

“Shame, he’s a bright man. Not to mention attractive.”

“Batting for the other team now Mike?”

“No, but I was wondering if you were. You’re going to a lot of trouble to protect him.” Kelly drawled around the hot coffee.

“Hell no, besides I think my kid would have a heart attack.”

“She still got a crush on him?”

“Bigger than ever, it’s Hi Dad, I did good at school, Mom’s driving me nuts, how’s Peter?” Matt laughed.

“So why are you doing this?”

“You remember Africa don’t you?” Matt asked wryly his smile never leaving his face but his eyes hardened. “Of course you do, what you don’t know is that at the inquest I was fried, it was Elsigner who pulled my arse out of the fire.”

“And no good deed goes unpunished.” Kelly laughed.

“Precisely, I’m tired of his agenda. There are good people at the OSIR, top-notch academicians who don’t deserve to be punished by back-room politics. When I leave I want to do so knowing that there is some regulatory body in charge to watch over them. Give them at least a sense of protection.”

“Ah converted at last.”

“Don’t crow too loudly.”

“We take our victories, no matter how small, where we find them. So where are you going?”

“Quantico.”

“Back with the FBI? Teaching, training or doing?”

“All three, it’s a good gig.”

“When?”

“Soon as I can, the Director has been after me for years to come to work for him, imagine his surprise when I said I might be interested.”

“See now I always knew you were a marketable commodity. This information you’re after could take a few days to find out, in the meantime, have you had any luck liberating the sealed files?”

“Hacking into the OSIR mainframe database again? Or Lindsey?”

“Lindsey is too scared to talk to me.”

“And in answer to your question, no I haven’t read them.”

Kelly laughed. “I’ll have a set of them sent over in the next few hours.”

“Complete with annotations, you know how I like to paraphrase.” Matt answered amused at the resources of his one time friend.

Without preamble Kelly stood up, pulled the white Panama hat down over his eyes and wandered off.

~~~****~~~

“Axon.” Peter picked up the receiver as he threw the papers down disgustedly onto his desk.

“Hello Son.”

“Dad?” Peter asked incredulously as he sat down.

“Since I’m convinced you don’t know how to use the phone I thought I’d call.”

“What’s up?”

“Does anything have to be up for a father to call his son?”

Peter rubbed his forehead; the headache that had been threatening grew incrementally. “No, just I’m not usually your favourite person to call.”

“Put it down to age, so how are you?”

“Funny you should ask Dad.”

“Talk to me Peter.”

“I’m not on a secure line Dad, can I call you from home tonight?”

“Sure, when you’ve got time. I was just worried.”

“Why?”

“I really don’t know son, I just had a feeling things weren’t good. Last time we spoke was just after Connors death and you were hurting.”

“It’s gonna take time Dad, I won’t lie to you it hurts like hell.” Peter choked on the words. “I will call tonight or over the weekend Dad, promise, I have to go.”

“Sure.”

As he hung up the receiver Peter dropped his head to the desk, the confusion overwhelming him as he fought to reign in his hurt and anger. A sob escaped his lips as he thumped the tabletop, unaware of Matt watching from the door.

“You’ll break the table Pete, I’m sure Elsinger would love that.” Matt closed the door and smiled.

“I’m sure I don’t care.” Peter kept his head on the desk willing his features into impassivity and controlling his stressed breathing.

“Hey tell you what, day before we leave, we’ll trash both our offices and Elsinger can go screw himself.” Matt tried for humour and found that it hit the mark Peter began to relax and the shaking was from a barely suppressed giggle. “Hey now, department heads and Professors of Physics do not giggle.” He admonished as Peter collapsed into a fit of laughter and wiped the tears from his eyes.

“You leaving the sinking ship as well?”

“Sure without you to kick my arse there is the distinct probability of me having delusions of grandeur.”

“And you don’t now?” Peter shot back.

“Mostly but you bring me down to earth. Would it be impolite to ask who was on the phone?”

“My Dad called.”

“At least your call was a nice surprise, mine are usually my ex wives looking for their monthly cheque. Speaking of which Dana asked about you again, I’m beginning to worry about this.”

“’Bout what?”

“She has you pegged for my son in law, I think I should shoot myself now and save the trouble.”

“Oh I don’t know I could get used to calling you dad.”

“Funny.” Matt winced theatrically. “You don’t hear from your dad often then?”

“No. We fell out when I chose applied sciences as opposed to medicine. He said I was letting the family down. Fifth generation doctors and all. Mom died around the same time so I guess he needed to know I would be there and I wasn’t. My fault really.”

“We tend to blame ourselves for things Peter. There are always two sides. Still he called that good right?”

“Yeah, I guess. So is there a purpose to this visit or did you just come by to annoy me?”

“Annoying you happens to be one of my favourite pastimes, but no I did have an ulterior motive.”

“And that would be?”

“Have dinner with me.”

The entire colour drained from Peter’s face as he narrowed his eyes.

“No not like that.” Matt quickly corrected. “I couldn’t break my baby’s heart remember?”

“Oh.” Axon answered guiltily.

“You’re not busy are you?”

“No actually I’m not. You paying?”

Matt winced again, “Yes. As painful as that is for me. Besides I wanted to ask your advice on something and didn’t want to do it within earshot of Elsinger.”

“Okay.”

“You driving the Corvette?”

Peter nodded.

“Don’t suppose you’d let me drive it?”

Peter shook his head. “I’ve seen how you drive.”

“Oh well.” Matt smiled. “Since I don’t possess a car that works at the moment, I’ll let you drive. Got a preference on food?”

“Steak would be good. But I’ve got to swing by home and change.”

“Done. See you in what, twenty minutes?”

“Sure, I’ll pick you up out front.”

~~~****~~~

In the time Matt had known Peter he had never had the cause to visit him at home so what he saw surprised him. The heritage-listed brick home was grand even in Scituate. Dark colonial two-story brick home with arched windows sat elegantly in a manicured garden. A warm glow came from the front windows that overlooked the lawn and box hedges all under lit with tiny garden lights. It was picture book, right down to the cobble stone path to the front door. Peter clicked the remote for the garage and drove in.

“Wow.” Matt breathed. “Impressive Peter. Very impressive.”

“Oh I forgot you’ve never been here.”

“Must have set you back a packet.”

“Nearly a quarter, but its worth easily twice that much now.”

“Quarter of a million?”

Peter nodded.

“I guess you’ve got hot and cold maid service as well.”

“Actually I do, but she’s more family than maid. She was with Connor for twelve years before we moved here. I sold the loft, he sold the condo and Mrs Mac came with.”

“Mrs. Mac?”

“Is sixty years old and her younger brother Will comes in twice a week to do the outside and any maintenance we need.”

“She sounds sweet.” Matt eased his long body out of the black car and followed Peter through the internal entrance.

“Mrs Mac this is Matt Praeger, he took over when Connor left us.” Peter dropped a kiss onto the elderly woman’s head. Five foot two of slight Scottish heritage, long thick grey hair braided into a bun on the top of her head and just the hint of lipstick on her flawless skin. In her day, Peter’s Mrs. Mac would have been a real beauty with eyes the colour of heather and a soft gentle smile. Praeger was relieved to know that Peter had not been totally alone. Though he guessed Mrs. Mac wouldn’t have had much luck with the stubborn man.

“Aye, you’re a Case Manager then Mr. Praeger.” She extended her hand; Matt captured the slender fingers in his own and dropped a kiss on the back of her hand.

“Yes ma’am I am.” He smiled. “Peter you’ve been holding out on me, such a charming lady.”

Mrs. Mac laughed and blushed and Peter smiled, the first genuine smile Mrs Mac had seen in many wearying months.

“I keep all the pretty ladies to myself Matt, you should know that. Mrs. Mac I won’t be in for dinner. If you’ll excuse me I’ll only be a few moments and then we can head off.”

Mrs Mac tutted her disapproval and turned back to the stove to put the lid on the ever present pot of hot soup. “I assume then that you’ll be feeding him?” she asked with all the concern only a parent could muster.

“I’ll make sure he eats Mrs. Mac.”

She turned worried eyes on the tall man and smiled gently. “You will take good care of him won’t you?”

“I promise, I know he’s not eating properly.” Matt patted her shoulder gently.

“Or sleeping.” She added trustingly, which, for Mrs. Mac was odd, she never trusted instantly, but she did with Matt.

Matt sat down at the heavy oak kitchen table. “I thought as much.”

“As a Case Manager you’d be his friend, but I’ll be glad when he leaves the OSIR.”

“He ever talk about it?”

“Och to me? No, he wouldn’t but he knows I worry and I see more than he thinks. The Professor would be angry if he was with us.”

“Why?” Matt smiled as she put down a glass of milk and some shortbread in front of him. “Hey these are great.”

“Because the Professor knew what he’s like. When he gets worried or stressed he spends all his free time in the gym, or walking, or running.”

“Explains why he looks so good.”

“Aye he does that. But he shouldn’t, he doesn’t know that I listen to him wandering the house of a night, unable to sleep after the terrible dreams he has. He barely eats breakfast and sometimes doesn’t even come home.”

“He’s pulled a few all nighters at the office recently and he’s due away on Monday to Canada.”

“If I know he’s got friends like you Mr. Praeger than perhaps I can sleep easier.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“You’ve never been here before, The Professor and Peter did not socialize so I didn’t meet many of their friends. I’m glad to know he has someone to talk to.”

“I hope he sees it that way. Tell me Mrs. Mac has Peter allowed himself to move on?” Matt wiped his mouth with the back of hand and smiled.

“I don’t know how you mean.” Mrs. Mac turned her back on the seated man.

“Yes you do.” Matt’s voice was a rich conspiratorial throb and she turned to look at him.

“When the Professor died he took it very hard, he must have sobbed himself to sleep for a month and then he gave up on sleeping at all and started wandering. He flew off the handle at me when I tried to move The Professors things around, get them ready to be stored or disposed of. I wasn’t even allowed to change the sheets for nearly a week.” Her pretty eyes were bright with tears as Matt steered her to the table and sat her down with a cup of tea. “Aye I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this, for all I know you could be like that terrible man who was here on Friday night.”

“Elsinger.” Matt breathed the name like a curse and then smiled brightly. “I can assure you Frank and I have very little in common and I will do my best to look after Peter for you Mrs. Mac.”

“I believe you will, now it’s your turn to tell me, you didn’t know about The Professor and Peter did you?”

“No one did, not until recently.”

“That makes sense, they were very discreet. In all my days I had never thought to come to work for someone like the Professor, he was so quiet and charming it took me a while to realize he wasn’t interested in the ladies.”

“And when you did?”

“Ah,” she answered with a fond smile, “He was like my own child. Do you have children Mr. Praeger?”

“It’s Matt and yes a daughter, she’s got a horrible crush on Peter.”

“Then you know what I mean. We’d do anything to keep our lambs safe and happy. I remember when The Professor brought him home for me to meet, och he was so happy his eyes fairly shone and Peter was just wonderful. Protective and kind it was obvious that they loved each other a great deal, even from the beginning. It never waned, only grew and they would fret when they were apart hanging on each other’s calls.” This time the tears did fall and Matt was aware of the footsteps moving upstairs. He gentled the lady and held her hand fast.

“Mrs. Mac, I never met Connor, I wish I had and I don’t know if I can help Peter with his grief, but I will do what I can to see justice. It is cold comfort, but there are those who would blame him for Connor’s death and that has been the major source of his pain, maybe now we know he’ll get on. He has too much to offer to live in the shadow of despair.”

“I believe I was right in trusting you, keep him safe Matthew.”

Peter padded down the stairs a fine wool jumper over jeans that were so tight as to be almost indecent.

“You ready?” Matt asked as he put his glass on the sink.

“It’s nice to know your friend is house trained.” Mrs. Mac laughed.

“I should be, I’ve got three ex-wives and a daughter.” Matt mumbled.

“Do you want a tour of the house before we go?” Peter quirked an eyebrow up as he considered the two in the kitchen, consciously aware of the bond that had already formed.

“Yeah, why not.”

~~~***~~~

Matt stretched in his seat and patted his stomach whilst he chewed on a toothpick. “I’m stuffed.”

Peter’s plate was still half full and Matt couldn’t help but feel the stab that went through him. He would have liked to know Peter and Conner when they were together, he could almost imagine how very different they would have been in each other’s company. The confidence without the sadness that plagued his friend would have been gone.

“You said you needed my help with something Matt.” Peter pushed the plate away.

“You know if your going to con me into buying you dinner the least you could do is eat it.” Matt groused as keen eyes watched the man opposite him. He couldn’t fail to notice the hungry stares that followed Peter from both the woman and several men as he walked into the bar, the small booth table afforded them little privacy but the steaks had been excellent.

“I’m sorry.” Peter dropped his gaze, his voice softly contrite as he answered. “I’m just not very hungry.”

“Yes I had noticed.”

“I would think that Mrs. Mac worries enough about me that you don’t need to Matt.”

“I was beginning to think that you didn’t even notice.”

“Notice what? Mrs. Mac is an angel and I’d never have survived this far without her.”

“I have a problem I think you can help me with.”

“Oh yes?” Peter drawled and leant forward.

“Okay, I’m meddling, and probably will end up with your boot up my arse but here goes.”

Peter frowned but didn’t interrupt.

“I’ve managed to liberate the sealed files regarding Perestroika, and there are some blazing inconsistencies.”

“Such as?”

“Would you mind if I walked through it and built my case?” Matt shoved the plate to one side and moved in closer to the table.

“No.”

“Answer me this first, you and Anton headed up the retrieval team to the gas plant and found no organic traces evident in the wreckage am I correct?”

“Yes.”

“And as a scientist you accepted the theory that the remains would have been vaporised without trace.”

“I did.”

“Even down to a cellular level?”

Peter blushed. “I needed to be sure, I know it falls outside protocol.”

“No one’s taking you to task Peter, you did a good job and given the circumstances I’m impressed you held up so well. No, this is something else. Your tests proved that there was no evidence of bodies.”

“Yes, Elsigner wouldn’t allow me to investigate further and had the site cordoned off citing problems with the Russian government.”

“I know. How is it possible for a body to be completely destroyed without any genetic signature?”

Peter shook his head. “Actually it’s not possible. Damn.”

“So the bodies’ including Conner’s had to have been removed prior to the explosion.”

“That would be logical, there was a sixteen hour gap from when we left to get Coop to the medical unit to when we assembled the team and went back.”

“Okay stay with me on this. I’ve done a little research into Elsinger’s private affairs, it makes great reading, including a large number of shares in companies such as Diginite and GemCorp.”

“The bastard set us up.”

“But can we prove it?” Matt asked quietly.

“I don’t see how and even if we did who would we report it to?”

“See now, this is where it is complex, we are assuming Diginite and GemCorp are independent private sector companies and are autonomous to their own ends, when there is a distinct possibility they are fronts for Government experiments.”

“You’re beginning to sound like Kelly.”

“Hey I resent that.” Matt smiled, “it’s not as far fetched as you would normally think. A long time ago when I worked in the private sector I got called in by the government to do some profiling for the NID boys. There are a number of legit fronts for agencies around the world including the CIA, so why not GemCorp and Diginite? You investigated a case where people where getting sick because of the rats yes?”

“And?”

“What happened to the Diginite Office?”

“It vanished over night.”

“ And with the aportation experiment, the first case we worked together, what happened to the witnesses?”

“They died or disappeared.”

“And the media were briefed with a well thought-out cover story, yes?”

“Okay but this is all conjecture Matt. If you can show me Elsinger killed Conner I’ll kill him myself.” Peter was calm, far too calm, and it chilled the older man.

“Whoa- easy there Peter. There is a better way.”

“Not for me.”

“Especially for you. Put your listening ears on Peter, this is a dangerous game, and I intend to make sure Elsinger burns in hell, but not from our hands.”

“Okay.” Peter pitched his tone low and scrubbed at his face. He resembled nothing more than a tired little boy badly in need of his bed and a good sleep.

“It’s complicated Peter, but if the NID boys are playing with pseudo-legitimate private-sector companies to continue experiments, as I think they are, then there are only a couple of people in the NID who hold that kind of power. If that is the case and I can prove it, I’ll take the matter to a friend of mine in Washington.”

“Who?”

“Senator Joel McKinley.”

“McKinley. He’s on the Presidential staff.”

“Yes I know, and I am sure that despite the big picture, the President will be very unhappy this nest is still alive and well, given that two years ago they vowed it had been disbanded. Mostly this is renegade stuff and the lines of responsibility are muddy with conglomerates. However, Elsinger isn’t big enough or smart enough to play this game.”

“And you are?”

“Oh yes, there’s a lot even Frank doesn’t know about me Peter. Let’s say he’s in for a very rude awakening.”

“What do you need from me?”

“At the moment nothing. I expect Elsinger to play dirty pool and as one of the few witnesses to the entire fiasco, and under the judiciary of privilege you’re given as the grieving spouse, I suspect that Frank will try to keep you on at the OSIR. For no other reason than to keep you silent.”

“Grieving spouse?” Peter looked tired.

“The investigating committee would be very sympathetic. Besides while you’re at the OSIR it will be in Frank’s best interests to keep you safe. In the academic community your life expectancy could be fairly short.”

“He wouldn’t.”

“No he wouldn’t but his minders would without compunction. So for the moment, rant and rave but stay put. Let him think he’s won and give me time to nail the sonofabitch.”

“Your serious aren’t you?”

“Deadly. Look I’ve said it before- we were never close, but I do consider you my friend and Elsinger has manipulated you and Conner for too long. It’s time to, if nothing else,” Matt reached across the table and put his hand on Peter’s arm, “to give you closure.”

“What if I really don’t care Matt? What happens then?”

“Then care about those who you’ll leave behind. If you have nothing to lose take the bastard with you.”

Peter nodded. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not sure, guess cause my kid would kill me if I let them hurt you anymore, and Cassie is seventeen now.”

“Nice cover but I don’t buy it.”

“No I guessed you wouldn’t. The truth is Peter I can’t stand to see this happen to you, call me protective, call me insane, whatever, but this is something I have to do before I leave the OSIR. There are some good people there, Peter, people who don’t deserve to be treated like you were. Made to live in silence because you were afraid that Elsinger would distort the love you and Conner had for each other to suit his own ends, it goes against the grain.”

“Thank you.” There was a choked sob behind the words.

“Don’t thank me yet. But you do need to look after yourself, you need to eat and sleep if nothing else. And let Mrs. Mac coddle you a bit, you could do with it.”

“I don’t think I can drive Matt, would you mind?” Peter answered around his third beer.

Praegers eyes lit up as Peter handed him across the keys to the Corvette. “You’re kidding me right?”

“No. They still painting your place?”

“Yeah, smells dreadful.”

“If you want you can stay at the house.”

“Yes.” Matt smiled without hesitation leaned across the table and draped an arm over Peter’s shoulder. “Who knows you may actually sleep.”

“I don’t sleep Matt.”

Matt felt his heart lurch. “I know Peter, but we gotta start somewhere.”

Peter shrugged before looking up, “What is this?”

Praeger squeezed him around the shoulder; he wasn’t certain himself and wasn’t prepared to examine his growing emotions too closely. “It’s called friendship Dr. Axon, surely you’ve heard of it before?”

“It’s been a while.” Peter admitted quietly.

~~~****~~~

He felt the dream, knew its insidious tendrils would weave into his mind as he tried to seek the much-needed rest. But his dream self knew too that he was undeserving of such rest and tormented him with the nightmare images. He remembered in vivid detail the cold air that punished his lungs as he tried to run free, to escape the roiling heat that flowed behind him. Felt the precious burden in his arms slip free from him, begging him to let him be, to let him go, and felt the sharp stab of guilt as he heard Conner snap at him over and over again. He thrashed on the bed, but the dream was not finished with him yet, it would torture his soul and sear into his brain with an aching hollow need and he felt alone. More alone than he had ever felt in his life, looking for the tiny spark of understanding, of sympathy or respect that he was due as a human and came up lacking. The fissure grew broader, the arms felt colder and he saw Conner again swimming so close to him, knowing he was dying, feeling the death inside his own heart and unable to let him go he dragged the body free from the burning rubble to face the condemnation of his peers and the vitriolic dialogue from the only person he loved.

Peter curled screaming into the pillows, his face beaded with sweat as the sheets wound around his legs, holding him firm, making him face the pain and anger, and his sobs died silently on his lips as he woke in the still night air. Darkness surrounding him not deep enough to drown in allowed the shadows of his past to loom in frightening clarity and he wanted nothing more than to remember the laughter that the room had seen and couldn’t. Nothing ever changed, the pain didn’t stop and he lay there panting heavily as the tears streaked his face again this time coming unbidden as he curled into the comfort of strong arms.

He shuddered, surely he was free of the dream, that this was not some other image that taunted him and he felt large hands petting him softly, as a parent does to a worried child. It took time; long moments suspended in molasses as he recognized the voice and felt the heart that murmured softly beneath his ear.

“Matt?” he asked his blurred senses finally making the connection.

“Some dream.” Matt rocked slowly, his arms cradling the stricken man as he brushed his hand across the silver-shot hair.

He knew he should move, knew that he shouldn’t allow Praeger to hold him and comfort him, knew that it went against everything in his heart yet somehow he couldn’t bring himself to lose the warmth against his skin and unconsciously he curled around the longer frame.

Matt sighed softly when he realized that Peter was sobbing silently, the heavy body racked with tiny ripples as the pain lanced through wounding him sharper than any blade. He looked down, almost foetal Peter had curled into him, the only source of warmth or compassion he had been shown in nearly two years and Matt had to fight the urge to stop the tears from falling.

“Is it the same every night?” Matt asked softly when he felt he could trust his voice again.

“No.” Peter shuddered in the light embrace.

“Getting worse?” Matt pulled the feather down higher around him and settled him comfortably against his chest.

“It’s not the dream.” Peter answered somewhere near sleep, “It’s the knowing that it’s real that breaks me.”

And Matt knew exactly what he meant.

~~~****~~~

“You weren’t at home Matthew.” Kelly drawled as he leaned against the rail on the back decking of Peter’s home.

“I see you had no problems in finding me.” Matt sipped on the coffee and watched the play of light in the sky. He loved early mornings; crisp and clean it made him feel new.

“So where’s your little friend?”

“Asleep.” Praeger shot him a warning glare and Kelly smiled.

“You said you wanted the information immediately.”

“What have you got for me?”

“Apart from advice?”

“Don’t start Mike it’s not what you think.”

“Perhaps but its not what you think either. Axon is vulnerable, don’t become something you can’t be Matthew.”

“I’m impressed Mike, you actually made that sound like you care.” Praeger walked forward and leaned over the rail.

“I’m getting old Matt, too old to lose any more friends. You were correct there was a retrieval team that was flown in to within two miles of the facility and completed the crossing on snow. Axon didn’t look beyond the rubble inside. The agency was the CDC under the jurisdiction of your friends in the government. Elsinger placed a call to the Washington number the day they left for Russia and had a team standing by.”

“He knew what they were walking into! Son of a bitch!”

“Now here’s the funny part, within the entourage that arrived on site there was a full Hazmat unit complete with a cryo team.”

“Cryo?”

“Cryogenics Matthew. They had foreknowledge that these bugs were only made dormant by the cold.”

“Put’s Elsinger into the hot seat. Okay so who or what agency orchestrated this fiasco?”

“I’m not certain yet but on the same day that the team was sent to Russia, GemCorp floated ten thousand preferential shares into Elsinger’s name at a market price of sixty five dollars, into what was considered at the time a bear market.”

“Can we prove it?”

“Enough to get a senate committee to act on? I have a little more digging yet, but the destination of the retrieval team continues to elude me. I strongly suspect if we find that out all of our questions will be answered.”

“Thanks Mike.” Praeger smiled. Elsinger was going down, and it was only a matter of time.

“I didn’t want to leave this lying around either.” Kelly handed across a cd with the incongruous label of A Bug’s Life.

“At least you’re not using the Shamrock anymore.” Matt laughed.

“You used to think it was funny, maybe this will appeal to you more.”

“Why are you helping me?”

“Call it a debt paid, a favour owed. Besides, the corruption of your ideals to understand my cause no matter how briefly is more than enough compensation.” Kelly walked away.

~~~****~~~

“I thought you no longer spoke to Kelly?” Peter tightened the heavy robe about his body as he paced in the den.

“I hadn’t for a long time. But Mike is the only person who can get under the radar.”

“Precisely what’s that going to cost you?” Peter nodded towards the CD in his hand.

“Actually a lot less than you think. Would you quit worrying Peter?” Matt rubbed his hand across his friend’s hunched shoulders and smiled.

“I’ll try.” Peter shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away. “Thank you.”

“For?” Matt opened the CD case and smiled when he saw the giant ant on the disc Kelly’s irreverent sense of humour never ceased to amaze him.

“Helping me sleep.” Peter would not look at him, could not meet his gaze and looked uncomfortable. “You know that first assignment we worked on I was running late because Elsinger orchestrated it. At the time I didn’t know that my position of case manager was only temporary. He also told me to review the information available on the case and to come and see him. When I did he told me to report to my new case manager on site.”

“No wonder you were pissed with me, Elsinger is some piece of work. You should have told me.” Praeger frowned, finally seeing the extent that Elsinger was prepared to go to in order to manipulate those around him.

“Seemed little point at the time, you were hostile enough. Besides I was sick of making excuses.”

“You know a lot about those first few weeks actually make a lot of sense now I know what you were going through.”

“Yeah well.” He shrugged as he orbited the desk and ran his hand over the legal pouch still on his table.

“What’s that?”

“Conner’s will.”

“Video testament?” Praeger felt the palpable presence of the despair.

“Yeah.”

“How long have you had it?”

“Since last Friday.”

“I’d have thought you’d have watched it by now.”

“No, I’m still working up the courage on that.” Peter looked up with a small half- hearted smile on his lips.

“He’s gone Peter, holding on to something that can’t give you comfort only leaves a hole where your heart should be.”

“So I should watch it and give up is that it?” A sharp stab in the tone.

“No, but you have to start to let go. I didn’t know Conner, Peter, but I know he wouldn’t want you to suffer because of him, and you are.”

“No he wouldn’t, but I can’t Matt, it’s too soon.”

“I know, but you have to start somewhere.”

~~~***~~~

“Short course on Biophysics, take notes this will be on the pop quiz,” Kelly’s voice contained a laconic edge that showed through the CD presentation. “We all know, that key components often include pharmacology, physiology, botany, zoology, human movement, biochemistry. Biophysics is an exciting new field of basic research into the nature and structure of biological molecules, their interactions and the physical principles involved in the machinery of life. The development of high-precision imaging and crystallographic structure determination and the recent advances in high-level computers have made biophysics a rapidly growing and fertile area of both pure and applied research. Connor Andrew Doyle born; 7th December 1960 presumed dead February 17th, 1997. Graduated with a degree in psychology and geophysics.” Kelly’s CD skipped ahead to dancing atoms underscored with an upbeat sound track. “I pre-empt this presentation Matthew so that you are fully aware of the late Professor Doyle’s skill level in dealing with the phenomena encountered in Russia. Background research shows a distinguished career in the Navy along with a calm personality that pre-disposes him to be equitable and rational in the face of all adversity. I’m paraphrasing but that’s entirely for your benefit.” Kelly smiled and sipped his wine. “You’ll find several files attached to this CD which you can download at your leisure. I’ve made footnotes on then with conclusions I am sure you are able to draw for yourself.”

The file ended with a shamrock that folded in on itself and Matt rolled his shoulders. It was going to be a long night.

~~~***~~~

“You wanted to see me?” Peter folded his arms across his chest and slouched insolently in Elsinger’s office.

“Ah yes Dr. Axon please take a seat.” Peter frowned as he sat down. “I am aware of the discord between us, however, I meant what I said about the beginnings of a truce.”

“Yes sir.” Peter uncrossed his arms, Praeger’s words and quiet confidence ringing in his ears as he looked across the desk. Elsinger brightened considerably and sat back steepling his fingers and considering the young man.

“I understand that you are yet to sign the contract with Harvard.”

“At the moment I have contract restrictions here which will invalidate me giving them a date of tenure. So it’s prudent not to sign until my duties have been finalised.”

“Have you even looked at the offer we have made?”

“No,” Peter sighed heavily, “and I should. Can you have legal send it to me?”

“No need.” Elsinger handed across a thick letter. “The outlines are in here, if you require additional clauses, within reason I see no need not to comply. You will find included in the offer the position of Case Manager.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary. As long as I retain the rank of Senior Science Analyst, with all due accord and an extension of budget in certain research areas we have the makings of a deal.”

Elsinger failed to hide his surprise. “Not that I’m not delighted, why the sudden change of heart?”

“I’m a theoretical scientist Frank, teaching is good but limits the levels of my own research. I would expect that the OSIR would support me in the desire to continue elements of research and allow me to publish?”

“Publishing would be dependent on the nature of the topic.”

“I understand it would be non specific but would also be of immense benefit for recruitment purposes. Journals and advances in key areas will increase the plausibility of what we do. There is a tendency within the academic community to debunk our work by the very nature of the cases we investigate.”

“So you’re suggesting we allow some material to become available to the academic community to give us a greater degree of acceptance?”

“Don’t get me wrong we are not unacceptable just considered a little on the funky side of pure science.”

“Funky?” Elsinger smiled.

“Yeah well. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss?”

“No actually that’s all. I am pleased that we will be retaining your services.”

“I haven’t said yes yet, but I’ll have my people go over the offer and consider it.”

“It’s a start Peter, and I do mean it when I say any additional clause within reason will be accepted. We are keen to keep you with us.”

“Thank you.”

Frank waited for the door to close before he dialled out to the DC number.

“You will be relieved to know, that our young friend has decided to consider our offer as valid. You can stand down your people.” Elsinger swivelled his chair and smiled as he looked out over the cityscape. He was inordinately pleased with himself and his associates would be grateful, very profitably grateful.

~~~****~~~

Nearly twenty miles away Michael Kelly smiled, the call was another nail in the coffin of Frank Elsinger and he would make certain that he was there for the coup de grace

~~~***~~~

“Lindsey?” Peter entered the softly lit room without knocking and looked around.

“Thought I’d be the last person you’d want to see.” Lindsey answered desolately from behind her computer monitor.

“Yeah well call me demented.” Peter smiled and dropped a single red rose onto the keyboard.

“Peter?” Tears brimmed in her eyes as she looked up into gentle features.

“I’ll buy dinner so long as you promise not to cry.” He traced the column of her neck with his fingers and stepped back.

“Arsenic or rat poison?”

“I refuse to destroy good food, besides I think we’ve hurt each other enough Linds.”

“So we are okay here?” she sniffed the rose and pointed between the two of them.

“Not yet, but we will be.”

“When you leave right?” Her tone was bitter with recriminations but Peter sensed it was directed towards her and not at him this time.

“Actually Elsinger’s made an offer.”

“You’re staying?” Her face lit up.

“I’m considering it. Pick you up at six?”

“Seven, I’ve got a late case briefing.”

“Sure. Just don’t pinch my fries.”

“They serve fries at French restaurant’s?” she smiled mischievously.

“Yeah Burger King does great fries and shakes and well I’ve got this two for one voucher.” He closed the door in time to hear the dull thud of a book hit it.

~~~****~~~

“Hey Anton.” Peter flopped into the chair opposite the old doctor and tried to force a smile on his face. That he needed to be re-evaluated at all irked him, but the fact that Elsinger considered him some type of a security risk was absurd.

“Peter.” Anton looked up, the heavy vest he habitually wore was undone and his tie had been loosened.

“Long day?”

“No more than usual. You don’t want to be here do you?” Anton took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he considered the young man.

“No disrespect but this is a crock and you know it. Elsinger can’t lose gracefully and is pulling every dirty trick to keep me here. God alone knows why.”

“You doubt your abilities?”

“Don’t analyze me Anton, I do not doubt my abilities, nor am I suicidal, about to go to the press, leak information or try anything rash. All I want is a little peace and quiet and be away from here.”

“I got a memo from Frank today that indicates you would be staying on.”

“He’s fast, I’m not decided.”

“But you’re considering the offer.”

“I’d be crazy not to.”

“Peter I still have to file a report, I’m sorry this is difficult for you but I need to do my job.”

“I know Anton. I don’t suppose you can just fill in the forms and stamp them?” Anton frowned. “No.” Peter conceded. “I wouldn’t ask you to anyway.”

“Thank you.”

“So shall I lay on your couch? Maybe talk about my mother? Or how about Dad?” Sarcasm dripped from his voice.

“I understand your hostility Peter.”

“Oh good, write it down Anton and make a note in the margins that I think this sucks.”

“Would it be easier if we did this with hypnosis?”

Peter narrowed his eyes and sat rigidly. “Not a chance.”

“Duly noted. So how is the general health?”

“Good.”

“You look well, you’re still going to the gym?”

“I don’t have a lot else to do, besides it makes me tired so I sleep.”

“You are having trouble sleeping otherwise?”

Peter fiddled with one of those anti-stress toys the drug companies dispense to appease doctors on a regular basis and looked up sharply. “Anton, ask the questions you want to ask and let’s not play this particular game.”

Shrewd eyes bored into the older man and Anton recognised a reserve of strength that Peter never exhibited to the cold public face. He knew the bravery of the quiet man, he’d faced guns and creatures in the name of science and he was always willing to go out and do it over and over again. There was no hesitation and Anton surmised that he was in fact seeing the true face of his friend, perhaps for the very first time.

“Medical says you’ve lost weight, not enough to be considered dangerous but you will have to improve your nutrition. If you lose any more I’ll suspend you from the field and force you to keep a food dairy.” Anton adopted his professional mantle and Peter relaxed.

“I’m fitter now than I’ve ever been, even when I trained, so you will have no cause to pull me. I’d fight it, you know I would.” Peter’s voice again was the soft gravel of anger smoothed over by force of will.

“Nevertheless, you only have a five per cent margin, if you fall below it, I will take the steps necessary. Your reflex time is down as well, not to be a concern but like your weight, a further decline is not acceptable.” Anton opened his prescription pad and began to scribble.

“I don’t need drugs Anton.”

“In my professional opinion you need rest, you’re wired Peter and I won’t take the risk.”

“Of what? Falling apart at the seams?”

“It is a possibility. As your doctor and under patient privilege I can tell you that to the casual observer you are fine, but to a trained eye you are exhibiting signs of depression. Since you will not allow me to treat you for that I will treat you for the obvious signs. Sleep, eat and rest, I will see you when you get back from Ontario.”

“Summarily dismissed?” Peter smiled.

“Unless you’re prepared to talk to me.”

“About?”

“Let’s start with Lindsey.”

“No let’s not, I’m buying her dinner tonight and accepted her apology. Unless she stands me up I’m assuming she accepted mine.”

Anton smiled and relaxed. “That’s good Peter. Do you want to talk about Conner?”

Peter knew the question was coming and still he felt it like a gut punch as he sat quietly in the pleasant office. “Not particularly. I’ve said too much already.”

“How so?”

“In case you missed it there are still those who exhibit lingering homophobia in the ranks, Rollins being one of them.”

“Frank assigned you to his team in Ontario next week, are you okay with that?”

“On a case Curtis wouldn’t dare, but I can do without the snide remarks and wise cracks in private.”

“I wasn’t aware.”

“So it seems.”

“How far have you gone in the grief process?”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you accept Conner is not coming back?”

“Yes, I’ve accepted that.”

“So his affairs have been sorted out?”

“The will was settled, his family have been taken care of.”

“Peter.” Anton asked slowly.

“Hmm?”

“Where are Conner’s personal things?”

“At home. No reason I should ditch them is there?”

“No.” Anton answered slowly. “What about the things you didn’t need to keep.”

“Such as?”

“Clothes?”

Peter blushed and looked away.

“You’ve kept them haven’t you? Still in the wardrobe?”

“Yes.”

“It would be a start if you moved them out of the room you sleep in Peter, maybe pack them up when you come back from Ontario?”

“You’re beginning to sound like Matt. I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll do it with you if you want.”

“No.” Peter sighed heavily. “It’s not your problem Anton. Look give me the pills and I’ll be good and take them, but nothing else in my private life is your concern or the concern of the OSIR. If necessary I can quote chapter and verse to Elsinger as well. So if we are done?” Peter looked down at his watch and tapped the desk lightly.

Anton handed across the script and leaned back. “Take two an hour before you go to bed. No alcohol. They will give you no morning after affects.”

Peter eyed the script suspiciously before putting it into the inner pocket of his suede jacket.

“I won’t take them on a case Anton. I don’t think you can suspend me for that can you?”

“No, but you should start them tonight and get a couple of good nights in before you go. Peter, the door is open and contrary to the damned forms I am concerned about you. You fought for me too many times to count, I haven’t forgotten.”

“Thanks Anton.”

~~~***~~~

Matt Praeger paced around his house, the smell of new paint giving him a headache of manic proportion. Kelly had been thorough, outstandingly so, but there was some tiny piece that wasn’t working for him. Why bring a cryo team in prior to the explosion unless you were picking up living tissue?

He went back to the files on his desk and rifled through them again, four units. Four complete cryo units were pulled half way across Russia to retrieve damaged or dead specimens? He doubted it and pulled on a coat, prepared to walk the feeling off, something was not right.

~~~***~~~

Mike Kelly braced himself against the bar and watched Elisinger approach. His insides lurched and crawled as the man came closer and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Hello Mike.”

“So,” Kelly drawled, “what have I done to deserve this honour.”

“Nothing out of the usual. You’ve kept Praeger very well informed.”

“Of?” Kelly drank slowly and was keenly aware of the black clad figures that hovered on the edge of the crowd. Elsinger’s minders were never far off these days, and absently Mike wondered if it was because he needed the protection or that he was no longer trusted.

“My affairs.”

“Your affairs? Even for you Frank that’s a little parochial.”

“Perhaps, but I know you’re watching me. I just haven’t decided why.”

“You’re a fascinating study Frank, what more can I say.”

“How about yes? I’ve made this offer before Mike, we’d work better together than apart.”

“Yes so you say, but,” Kelly drained his glass, “I doubt I would pass the OSIR physical. Drunks are usually disqualified as undesirable.”

“Not in research.”

Kelly shuddered theatrically, “Me in an office? I doubt it, but thank you.”

“So you are watching me.”

“When I have the time, as I said you’re a fascinating study. But even old drunks need a hobby.”

“What precisely have you told Praeger?”

“Thanks to you Matthew and I are no longer on speaking terms. Nor is Lindsey. Despite what you consider to be my unlimited resources you are sadly mistaken. Now either buy me a beer or take your friends home.”

“As you like.” The voice was dropped into a sibilant hiss as Elsinger stepped back. “Old drunks have accidents too.”

“Are you threatening me?” Kelly squared his shoulders and stared the other man down a feral cunning in the soft eyes.

“No, just a friend telling you to be careful. Good night Mike.”

~~~****~~~

He was tired, more tired than he ever remembered being, and all night long Lindsey had asked questions, doing her job; only now he was on the receiving end. He had considered innumerable times bringing her back to the house, showing her Conner’s clothes and books, things that she would remember. Things that she would know and then maybe she’d believe him. Lindsey didn’t say he was lying but he’d seen her work too many times not to notice how skeptical she was about their relationship. In the end he smiled, paid the bill and drove her home.

Now alone in the car he considered things he thought had long gone. He remembered this spot, Connor would take the Harley out and come here when he needed to think or wanted some quiet solitude. Peter knew Connor better than any living soul and yet still he had questions, the answers of which would no longer be forthcoming. No longer the lifetime to count as his own, the simple joy of having tomorrows that seemed endless. For him life was cold and dark. He was a sexual creature, with a healthy appetite and natural gentle charm that allowed him to seek his conquests and take them to his heart. In all of his life he had only ever had a handful of one-night stands and they all left him wanting.

Sex was a beautiful thing consumed like a fine wine between two people who loved each other. There was no place for ill will, only love and honour and passion. Fear should never enter into it and he knew Connor had known that fear, had felt that pain close to his heart despite his reluctance to discuss his past. There was darkness there, a despair that would vanish in a heartbeat from behind the storm dark eyes and when he’d smile Peter knew he had all that his heart could want, and all that his soul craved.

The tears would not come tonight. He had grieved longer than he cared to remember, for himself, for his stupidity, for losing Connor, for having to keep secret the one thing he should have been proud of had, and now he had nothing. His friends watched him with a fatal stare and now begged him to believe that they truly cared about him. He would not assuage their guilt, be for them what they wanted to own, he was his own man and Peter laughed. The sound was hollow and brittle in the thin night air as he perched on the bonnet of the Corvette and looked out at the ocean before him. He breathed deeply the salt air and smiled. Conner had loved the ocean, and he was drawn to it now wanting to feel the arms of his lover’s lover.

It was not that people were not interested in him; he simply chose not to see them. And what of Matt? What was he trying to do or be? It bothered him and he shook the disquiet from his shoulder like a man shaking off the rain, except that some of it stayed to soak through and chill the skin beneath. Peter felt as though he was haunted. The presence felt quiet and calm and he believed Conner watched him and kept him safe, knowing that he couldn’t allow himself to go to another, he wouldn’t dishonour the truth that had been his life. And still no tears fell; instead a soul cried out in mortal agony as he bowed his ashen face and trembled.

~~~****~~~

“Damn!” Praeger kicked the lamppost and shuddered at the implications. “Sonofabitch Elsinger!” He raised his fist to the air. “You knew Doyle would disobey you, you fucking bastard you set him up and I’ve got you!” A dark mood settled around Praeger as he turned on his heel and headed home. He stopped in mid huff and dialed Peter’s cell phone.

“Axon.”

“Hey Peter it’s me, where are you?”

“I’m at the old light house in Scituate, why?”

“What are you doing up there?”

“Thinking.”

“I’m going out of town for a couple of days, I’ll be on cell, just do me a favour.”

“Sure.” The voice was tired and distant.

“Stay safe. Peter I mean it, watch your back.”

“I told Frank I’d consider the offer he was making me,” Peter’s voice was a distracted monotone.

“Good, and?”

“Said he was pleased and that we’d go over the details when I get back from Ontario. What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure yet, but hell you know me, paranoid to the end, probably border line psychotic but nevertheless, remember what I told you on our first assignment?”

“About seriously under whelmed?”

“No cretin, about working on a construction site.”

“Yeah, keep your hard hat on, your tool belt slung low and never take a step backwards.”

“Seriously impressed Peter you listened, it applies to life as well. Keep your mind sharp, keep your balance and don’t let the bastards back you into a corner. Remember that.” He closed the connection not waiting for an answer and headed home.

~~~****~~~

“You do realise Matthew that you have Elsinger rattled.” Kelly drawled as he fell into step with his friend. Praeger’s answering smile was feral.

“Oh? Do tell.”

“He tracked me down to Gilhooleys and made certain I was aware that old drunks have accidents.”

“Not very subtle.” Praeger kept a shrewd eye on the sparse traffic that passed them.

“No, but for the sake of self preservation I’m going on a little holiday.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“Ah yes, the cryo team headed down to Area 51.”

Matt grinned and it was not a pleasant sight. “Our little nest of vipers are government, I should have known.”

“Oh but there’s more, the officer signing off on the documents was none other the Colonel Jakob Carrol.”

“Whoa! Carrol was suspended from active duty for gross misconduct, what’s he doing at Area 51?”

“Friends in high places Matthew. I doubt the senate committee is aware, and that should be enough leverage to get the President moving. I’m assuming you’ll be heading out of town sooner rather than later?”

“Tonight. I have enough and Joel knows I’m on my way.”

“You told anyone else?”

“Only Peter and then not what I was doing.”

“Good idea. Your not concerned for him?”

“Of course I am but there’s not a lot more I can do but warn him.”

“You might like to know, that Rollins is booking Elsinger’s chair, and that he has a nasty habit of allowing gays to get hurt on his cases.”

“He’s got no chance, I happen to know that that chair will go to Hendricks.” Matt stopped in the middle of the street and ran his hand through his hair before putting the knitted cap back on.

“Elsinger is keeping the bases loaded.”

“Mike I know that smile, what have you got?” Praeger stopped and peered into his friend’s face.

“Let’s just say that when Elsinger goes so will Rollins. I have enough to suspend him and will get it to you when the time is right.” Kelly walked away and disappeared into the gloom. There was a time he considered Kelly his best friend, and although times had changed the dynamic of their relationship, for the moment he was relieved to know that they were both on the same side.

~~~****~~~

“Case number seven eight one nine, Case Manager Curtis Rollins reporting. We are on route to a small town in Ontario. Local law enforcement has requested assistance with a series of unexplained occurrences. Several youths have died for no apparent reason after attending a city dance club. Toxicology reports have been negative on the individuals. One of the youths involved has exhibited strange dissociative behaviour and classic symptoms of possession. Our contact is with Dr. Janet Radcliffe, Chief of Forensic Pathology for the Ontario PD. She is also a mother of one of the victims.” Rollins rolled his shoulders back and turned to look at the rest of his team in the back seat. “Lindsey I want you to start a complete background check on all the people at the club.”

“I’m assuming that the club has some registration of names?”

“It’s formally an under eighteen venue; all of the guests on the night of question were attending a private birthday party. The owner has already provided a list of names and addresses.” He handed a file over to her and she smiled. “Claire liase directly with Dr. Radcliffe, I know toxicology came back empty but maybe they weren’t looking for the right things. I’ve seen errant behaviour before being caused by high-grade street drugs. We’ll set up the mobile lab in town.”

“What of the possession?” Claire looked up from her file and thumbed through the reports.

“Sixteen year old male, good family, excellent student, captain of the school Hockey team. Have had no problems with the law or this type of behaviour.”

“Has he been reviewed by the religious community?” Claire closed the case file.

“Yes a local priest Fr.” Rollins paused and flipped through the pages. “Kelly. Father Kelly has been in attendance at the family home since the phenomena began. Axon.”

Peter’s head snapped up his eyes narrow slits. “Yes?”

“Full environmental study on the boy’s house first and then you and Ray take a look over at the club.”

“Local media got wind of this yet?” Ray Donohue asked.

“Yes, seems the Enquirer has the boy’s house staked out, the parents would be grateful if we could provide some privacy for them.”

“Have we considered moving the family to a different location?” Peter asked as he stared out the window.

“We have, secondary accommodation is available however, we’d prefer to resolve this case in situ, and if necessary the experiencer can be moved into a controlled environment.”

The black mini van stopped and Rollins turned in his seat. “Okay, let’s go to work.”

As they filed out Ray put his hand on Peter’s shoulder and spoke softly. “Be careful.” And then looked pointedly at Rollins. With a dull shake of his head he acknowledged with a small smile.

Four hours into the case and nothing new had been uncovered. Lindsey was still interviewing and had called in back up support, over sixty people were present on the night and was nearly impossible for her to track them all down. She finally narrowed the field to just six and concentrated her efforts on them whilst her unit searched the database for any irregularities.

The family home was the subject of a media circus and Ray set a perimeter with the help of the local police keeping the paparazzi away. It was late in the afternoon when Peter’s team finally handed him the review on the environmental studies before heading into the round table.

“Okay let’s have it. Ray?”

“Local police have secured the Moncrieff home, we’ve set a security perimeter and have our own people watching via closed circuit video link.”

“Background checks prove negative on the family, Paul has no history of drug related incidents and has always been an honor student. Few pranks in the school grounds but nothing that would suggest that this is normal behaviour for him.”

“Claire?” Rollins smiled. “You’ve tested the subject?”

“Yes I’m still waiting for several tox screens to come back but all normal investigations have proved to be either inconclusive or negative. I should have them within the hour.”

“Good.”

“According to one of the girls at the party they were drinking from a hip flask provided by a local boy. We are still trying to track him down.” She flicked the screen on and showed a young man in his late teens, dark complexion and long dark hair. “He doesn’t go to any of the schools and is dating a friend of a friend.”

“What’s that on his clothes?” Peter edged forward.

“Where?” Rollins leaned on the table.

“There above the pocket. Was this taken on the night of the party?”

Lindsey flipped open her folder. “Yes right before the problems began.”

“Problems?”

“Two boys began a fight over a girl, punch bowl went over and it escalated, one of the boys, a senior at his school with excellent academic records, produced a knife and attacked Sam Jackson. He was transported to St. Mary’s hospital but died in the ambulance from loss of blood. His attacker Richard Green also died on the way to hospital after having a seizure of some kind, the etiology of which remains unknown.”

Peter stood up and peered at the screen. A small bright red sticker was on his shirt, and at first he thought it was an entry token of some description for the party but as he got closer he frowned. “Kiddy bait.”

“Excuse me?” Rollins looked up.

“The dot on his shirt is Kiddy Bait.” Peter said with certainty.

“Which is?” Rollins asked.

“During the late eighties trips such as LSD or Speed were sold to kids in school grounds in the form of bright padded stickers, the adhesive on the back was laced and the kids would lick them getting an instant hit. That sticker.” Peter pointed, “Is one of the forms the bait used to take.”

“So we could be looking at a new street drug?”

Peter nodded. “Enviromentals on the house have come up clear, HAZMAT and toxs are base line, and it’s clean. I’ve asked for Paul Moncreiff's clothes from the night of the party and sent them to the lab. Unfortunately the mother had already washed them, but since there was evidence of excessive sweating it could turn up something in the samples.”

“Good. Have you checked the club yet?”

“No, we’re going over there to do a walk through. There’s another dance party tomorrow night so if there are drugs involved we’ll turn up more evidence the following morning.”

“Excellent. Keep me appraised. In the meantime I’ll have a talk to the local authorities and see if this is an isolated occurrence.”

The team dispersed slowly and Peter took another look at the boy’s face on the screen, unaware that he was alone in the room with Rollins.

“Surely he’s too young for you Axon.” Rollins deep voice rumbled through him and Peter knew it was about to start.

“Perhaps,” Peter answered, meeting the challenge head on. “But then they are always trainable when they are young.” Folding his arms across his chest and planting his feet apart, defiance oozed from him as he smiled at Rollins.

“I don’t want to hear any stories Axon, no touching, it’s an under eighteen’s venue and that is still statutory rape here.” Rollins stood up.

“Fuck off Curtis.” Peter walked towards the door.

“I should have known.” Curtis sat back his dark skin glistening in the pale light, his eyes forbidding.

“Really? Since I’m incapable of telepathy, perhaps,” Peter invaded his space and leaned closer. Rollins recoiled. Peter continued, snarling, “Tell me what you should have known.” By now Peter’s lips were close to the man’s ear and he smiled, feeling sinister delight in unsettling his case manager.

“That Conner had other uses for you.”

“You never did like him did you? Even before you knew he was gay?” Peter smiled and stepped back. “You may be watching me Curtis, but remember I’m watching you as well.”