Return

Автор: Anastasia

III. Lindsay

I couldn’t believe it all happened. It was like a return to childhood where the entire world seemed to be a fairyland, magic everywhere only hiding to surprise me. Every day I lived was the most wonderful in my life. We were in Moscow now, Connor and me, just the way I always wanted it to happen. From the minute I saw him again I knew I’d stay with him no matter what happened and I fancied that was exactly what he thought as well. And yesterday as soon as we came to Moscow Connor asked me to marry him.

No sitting in an armchair upon the papers he gave me to look through, I smiled, recalling every little bit of our talk yesterday.

"Lindsay," he started while we were having our dinner. I

raised my head, curious at his sudden change of voice and puzzled by his expression: "I’m listening, Connor."

He lowered his eyes and then again raised them: "You know, I’ve already told you I love you, I’ve been loving you for a long time."

"I love you too, honey," I smiled to encourage him.

"Well, I think that you’re the only woman I’ll ever love and I… I’d like to ask you how you’d find the idea of us always being together," Connor looked at me, his blue – gray eyes filled with worry.

"You mean, you’re asking me to marry you?" I teased.

He merely nodded: "Exactly."

I slowly nodded: "Yes, I’d be delighted to be with you always, no one and nothing can part us." T

hen he took me in his arms and kissed me and I forgot the world around, just like I usually did.

I smiled at my thoughts. Who’d think only a week ago that I’d be that happy? Connor was my Christmas present just like he said I was his. Who said miracles didn’t happen? I let out a sigh remembering Peter. We’ve been close for a long time, estranged only by Connor’s death. I couldn’t forgive him, Connor stood between us. But then I never let anyone become more important to me than Connor. I was being unfair but for me sun shone out of Connor, he was my one and all. I thought about the letter I left him. I still remembered every word. I could imagine how he read it, unbelieving, excited and sad. But he had to know I was sorry.

"Dear Pete,

When you find and read this letter, I’ll be gone. I don’t know whether I’ll ever see you again. Believe me, I’m sorry, so sorry I have to go without talking to you and I’m even more sorry I left you down. I hope you’ll forgive me for all I’ve done, for all the accusation. I know I’ll never be free of guilt for my heartbreaking behavior after the accident on the plant but I hope you’ll understand the way you always did: understand and forgive. Connor’s alive and that’s now all that counts. Believe me, I didn’t collaborate with Elsinger like Praeger said, I also didn’t expect you believed it cause deep in your heart you know me very well, perhaps even better than I do. So this is my way to say good-bye, to go away without hurting you any more, without betraying you. You know I’ll never do it, not to you.

So I hope you’ll be happy from now on, free of guilt, free of me and free of the past, don’t let it hover over you,

Always loving you,

LD."

Tears sprang to my eyes. Peter was suffering, he’s lost both of us: Connor and me.

I hoped we’d be able to return to US if not to down Elsinger then to see Pete and other members of the team, to tell them we were all right.

A sudden thought made me smile. I remembered the nickname Pete gave me. Sunray. He did his best to keep it a secret but I knew about it and didn’t actually mind. In fact I liked the name, just like everything about Peter. He was a nice guy, not a serious and attentive as Connor but sweet and dedicated. We spent so much time together, so many sleepless nights in front of monitors, just two of us: me and Pete. Memories flooded upon me and I again lowered the papers. I was happy now but – a funny thing human is – I couldn’t help wishing I could turn back time, be again in the team, investigating the cases, just the way it used to be in the first few years.

It was his fault. Elsinger’s. Wanting revenge wasn’t a good feeling but then there was nothing positive about Frank. He jeopardized the well – being of a whole team only to get rid of Connor, he tried to kill me, to threaten Peter. I even felt sorry for Praeger, he now seemed an ideal scapegoat to me: neither mine nor Connor’s bodies have been found, Elsinger couldn’t be sure we were dead. But now it was out with Frank, we’ve got enough evidence to chase him from O.S.I.R and even to throw him into jail.

"Hello, my little bride, you’ve been again daydreaming," Connor brought into the room the winter breath and the snow, falling outside.

I smiled self – consciously, returning his kiss: "I’ve been thinking ‘bout Peter."

Connor’s smile faded: "I must confess I’ve been cracking my brains upon this problem." He sat down next to me.

"I think we should go to US right away," I said, "we’re almost ready." "No, we’ve got a lot to do firstly and secondly I’ve got some news for you," he took my hand. "We’re going to be married today."

"That’s great!" I exclaimed, not able to hide my joy. "I knew it had to happen soon but I’d have never thought it would be that soon. It’s like a tale, you know."

He’s been looking at me for a long time and I saw love in his eyes. And something else: worry? Anguish?

"All fairy tales have to end sometime," he said softly.

"But not ours, we’ve lost too much already. Nothing can part us," I answered.

"Not even death," I was not sure whether it was a statement or a question.

"Not even death, honey," I reassured and bent over to kiss him.

It wasn’t a wedding, judged formally. No church bathed in flowers, no bride all dressed in white, no cheerful friends. But it was just the right way for Connor and me, we were together and it was all that mattered.

Afterwards as we wandered hand in hand down the streets, I looked into Connor’s face and asked: "Something’s disturbing you, Connor. What’s wrong?"

He sighed: "Don’t worry, I’m all right."

"You aren’t," I retorted heatedly," what don’t you be honest to me?"

"My dear Lindsay, you haven’t changed a bit," he smiled. "All right, I’ll tell you everything, I’m happy right now, happy for the first time in my life and that’s why I can’t stop feeling uneasy. I’m afraid it’ll soon be over, our world will be destroyed. I can’t bear the idea of losing you again, love."

"It won’t happen again," I whispered, leaning closer to him," I won’t let it happen."

"Kind of a witch?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, kind of," I admitted, " I had so much to do with the paranormal that I’ve become an expert myself."

"I’m glad you have," and the world span around as he kissed me.

These were happy days, I enjoyed every minute with Connor: we did everything together; working through the files he got on O.S.I.R and then sightseeing. Moscow is a great city, there were a lot of places we visited, enchanted by the ancient beauty entwined with the modern formality, lost in the whirl of peoples, streets and events. There was always something on, something new and exciting.

"You know, we could go on living like this," Connor once told me, "anonymous in this city. There’s a lot of work for Americans," he grinned, "our kids will grow up here, surrounded by two cultures."

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