Открыть фик целиком в отдельном окне
“Dana?”
“Dana, my daughter, didn’t I mention she’s got this horrible crush on Peter and has had for a couple of years?” Matt shuddered theatrically and smiled as he stood to go.
“Well at least she’s got good taste.”
“Course she has, she’s my kid.” Matt closed the door and leaned against the frame outside. His entire body shaking, did he mean what he said, was he in love with Peter is this what this was all about? He walked the grey corridors blending in to one another but he found his way to the commissary and sat down with a cup of hot chocolate before he realized where he was. Completely engrossed in thought. He knew, damn it! He knew that Connor was right, he was in love and it was eating him alive and seeing Doyle was not what he expected or wanted. He wasn’t gay, never once in his life had he even considered taking a male lover, but it wasn’t a male lover that was the issue it was that the person he saw when he closed his eyes was Peter, and his heart beat faster. It would be so easy to leave Connor to the military, so easy to just take Elsinger down and free Axon from his guilt. And then what? Matt derided himself. Hope against hope that Peter would want him? Matt closed his eyes again and pinched the bridge of his nose, he tried to imagine sex with a man, precisely he tried to imagine what it would be like to have sex with Peter and he found that the vision appealed, stirring base instincts he thought only applied to woman. And then he saw the face, the hurt and betrayal that would crumple the man when Elsinger used the whip hand and he found out Connor was alive. Knew without recourse that Peter would never turn to him again, would flay him alive and take what little was left of his battered soul and he would be bereft without the sweet torment of his friendship.
Was it about sex? Was it about the forevers that he saw mirrored in Doyle’s eyes or was it about saving the sanity of a friend? A good friend, one of the few true people whom he trusted and loved? Was it the same? Matt smiled around his chocolate, no it wasn’t the same. The questions he should have asked himself months before he answered now with surprising clarity, he loved Peter that was true, could he live with him in a relationship without either of them killing each other? Matt laughed out loud, no he doubted it. Was he happy to be the one to take Doyle home to Peter, yes he was, in fact he was ecstatic, it had been a long time since he felt this good and he smiled again. Yes, this was right, and he found the peace he’d looked for in that brief moment of clarity.
~~~~****~~~~
Connor stared up at the sterile ceiling unable to sleep; he closed his eyes and dimmed the lights in the room before turning on his side away from the prying eyes, and wound his arms across his stomach. He hurt but somewhere deep in that pain was warmth he’d forgotten. He closed his eyes and saw Peter’s face before him, the storm blue eyes alive with warmth and passion, and the touch of his hand on his cold skin that warmed him and gave him back life. He could literally smell the man in his room and looked around unable to believe the strength of his own imagination. He was alone and a hollow ache opened up. He couldn’t go home, it was foolish to assume that the Government would let him walk after everything that happened. He couldn’t hope, wouldn’t that Peter would be waiting for him. His lover deserved better than the fractured remains of the man he was. He couldn’t bare to be loved only because of a past that resonated with guilt. Whatever else Doyle was he couldn’t stand to be the source of any more pain.
Grudgingly he admitted that he was jealous that Peter had a friend like Praeger, one that would fight for him to give him back his life, but Matt didn’t understand and never could. Once it was past you couldn’t go back. When the pieces shattered it was better to sweep them away than to tack them together always-left cracks and made the peace fragile.
Connor twisted on the bed and stared back at the ceiling, his body aching and tired, his mind confused and he closed his eyes again and saw Peter’s face. Alive with love, if he believed Matt’s words Peter had never given up on their love, and he knew the man. Knew without restrictions that while he could be twisted by guilt and pain, he would never deal Connor such a hand, he would be honest, if he had another lover, if he were happy Connor would be happy even if it meant he’d be alone. Connor drifted into an easy sleep and allowed fate to play her hand.
~~~~****~~~~
“I believe Matt we should just call you the miracle worker.” Joel smiled as he sat down in one of the steel backed chairs in the commissary.
“Because?”
“According to the psychs here in residence you did in fifteen minutes what they couldn’t do in days.”
“Getting Connor to talk was the easy part, getting him to listen was hard.” Matt smiled and pushed his empty mug away.
“He’s always had strong views.”
“He’s as sane as you and I, you know that.” Matt stretched his long legs.
“I know.” Joel frowned.
“But? They will let him go home.”
Joel fiddled with the mug and scowled. “It’s not in my hands anymore Matt.”
“Fuck. They can’t keep him here, now! That’s cruel Joel.”
“I know. The medical staff want to be convinced that he’s sane and not a security threat.”
“Bullshit. If he were a security threat he would never have been a Case Manager for the OSIR, nor would he have done covert ops in the Navy.”
“Ah I see you’ve done your homework well.” Joel smiled.
“Besides, bring Hendricks in to assess him. They’ll accept his recommendations without question.”
“He’s involved with the patient, has a personal interest.”
Matt smiled. “Precisely, don’t you see, Anton is worried about Peter, he won’t let Doyle free unless he knows that he’s capable of handling any situation that could arise. Besides I’ve factored the military mindset into my equations. Believe me I have something the President wants.”
Joel sat back and lit a cigarette. “And that would be?”
“Just ask him about the official position on treason.”
“Sonofabitch you can bring MacInroth down on your own and clear the President from the proceeding and still keep Area 51 a viable concern.”
Matt smiled. “As you said old friend. I do my homework well. The price of the solution Bob desperately wants is Doyle’s freedom and compensation.”
“Damn I’m glad you’re on our side. Come on, let’s go see the man then.”
“After you.” Matt stood up and waved a hand in the direction of the door.
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